"I’m really ticked off right now. Because one of the things that I think a lot of people can’t say, but obviously I can say being an African-American, I don’t see too many white players getting into these kinds of situations."

Smith outlined three years of "trials and tribulations" for A. "P" Jones and one major "second chance" given by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.

"It’s entirely embarrassing," Smith said. "As an African-American, I’m really getting sick and tired of having to sit up here and give some kind of explanation as to why these guys find themselves in this situation.

"My last comment: White players are not finding themselves in these situations. We’ve got to start taking a look at ourselves."

Matt Jones says ' Right on, Steve!' But... close to 70% of the NFL is African-American so it makes some sense statistically that "these guys find themselves in this situation." But what's more odd is Stephen A.'s attempt to go all "I'm disappointed in my people" over this particular incident. Pacman has been a trouble magnet since the minute after he was drafted by the Titans in 2005. This is still Pacman's problem more than anyone else's. But given SAS' decreased profile, he probably has to do something to remind ESPN that he's still Stephen A. Smith, dammit, a voice of the people.

Stephen A. Smith has had enough of the Pacman Jones' saga [Fort Worth Star Telegram]

Some of your favorite sports bloggers are in Las Vegas this weekend for something called BlogWorldExpo 2008. Very little sex shall be had at this event. Though, I'd keep a close eye on that Sussman kid; he's a wild one.

Amazingly, Stephen A. Smith is also apparently taking part in this "conference". Will Brinson, of FanHouse fame, caught up with the aspiring blogger and asked him just what in the hell he was doing sharing the same oxygen with these basement-dwelling people.

He would not confirm that he was in Las Vegas with the purpose of promoting his blog, but let’s be serious, why else would such a master blogger grace Sin City with his presence this weekend?

Also, I was going to follow him out of the airport but I didn’t want to permeate the typical blogger stereotype, especially after he’d been so friendly and quiet.

Friendly? Entirely possible. But SAS being quiet, even at the BlogWorldExpo? Surely you jest, Mr. Brinson.

Here are three college football games to get you through the evening, should you be so inclined: (6) LSU vs (10) Auburn, Rice vs (7) Texas, Wake Forest (18) vs Florida State (24).

Anyway, that's it for me today. I'm going out to grab a few refreshing drinks. See you tomorrow morning.

Blog World Expo: Now Featuring Steven A. Smith? [Brahsome]

But honestly, I'm not surprised to learn that so few blacks are among the 30 million people who participate in fantasy sports. I've always thought that a lot of these guys (and 96% of them are guys) are nerds desperately in need of more sociable leisure-time activities. Leisure time for black folks historically consists of direct interaction, the kind of experience you get at a family barbecue or hanging out with friends. Sitting in front of a computer screen pretending to be Bill Parcells? Sounds like work to me.

To sum up:

Blacks: like family barbecues and interacting with friends.
Whites: like sitting in front of a computer screen playing fantasy football pretending to be Bill Parcells. (Actually, I pretend to be Ozzie Newsome. Take that, Stephen A.)

But Stephen A finds out his impressions about fantasy football are a little off ,as he tracks down one of the most devoted FFB freaks in the country, comedian GuyTorry, who apparently gets enough loot from his brother's "Poetic Justice" residuals to spend most of his time playing fantasy sports. Good to know.

Also? Stephen A. finds out another reason why black folks aren't crashing the server at RotoWorld every day courtesy of a man named Kim Beason, associate professor at Ole Miss and also the CEO of the "Fantasy Sport Research Specialists" — the socio-economic factor:

[P]eople who have well-paying jobs with fast Internet connections are more likely to play fantasy sports. "When you break it down, it appears the disparity has to do with a critical mass of individuals who are together discussing fantasy sports," he tells me. "Up to now, that has mostly occurred in the white workplace. And a lot of time, it's on the Internet."

As if spending so much time participating in live drafts and scouring the waiver wires didn't give you enough to feel guilty about already.

Up Front [ESPN]

Stephen A. Smith's career has fallen on hard times. He's been demoted from draft analyst to pick interviewer. Rising commodity prices have pushed Cheez Doodles above $3.15 a pound. Fortunately, the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen was at this year's draft, as they were in '06 and '07, to remind him there is no depth to which he can fall that they will not kick him a little further down.

Poor declaimer of words. This joke, it seems, will haunt you until the end of days.

This Thursday's NBA draft coverage on ESPN will not have Stephen A. Smith seated up front this year, instead they've relegated him to draftee-interviewing duties, an assignment the Miami Herald says, "he handled capably and calmly after the Celtics won the championship Tuesday."

Instead, ESPN will go with a draft-dissecting foursome of Jeff Van Gundy, Mark Jackson, Jay Bilas and host Stuart Scott. As you recall, it's been a rocky couple years for Stephen A's loudmouth brand— he's lost a newspaper column, a radio hosting gig, and a television show (but gained a blog) in seemingly rapid fire procession.

2008

Most upset by the decision to keep Stephen A off the ESPN's NBA draft coverage main set? Why the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society Of Gentlemen, of course. Here is their official statement:

We join much of America in decrying ESPN's decision not to use Stephen A. Smith in its main draft coverage this year. Quite frankly, they should be ashamed of themselves. "Style over substance?" What it this, PBS?

We wish to assure the American public that, barring the unforeseen, Stephen A. will be a force this year, both in spirit and in puppet.

- The Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen

ESPN Picks Style Over Substance For This NBA Draft [Miami Herald]
The Stephen A. Hecklers Return [Deadspin]

We've since made our peace with Stephen A. — at least internally — and even admire the intestinal fortitude to have open comments on his personal site. That takes guts, and confidence in what you're doing. We salute that. Even if we sometimes turn the volume down on the television a little bit when he's talking. Still.

So: Do you like the Stephen A. Smith? Do you not like the Stephen A. Smith? Go go go.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

You know how, the other day, we told you that you could comment on Mariotti's columns in the Chicago Sun-Times. Well, Jay has put the kibosh on that.

Earlier this week, the tough-guy columnist asked management to remove reader comments from its Web site. So if you want to rip Mariotti for ripping Jim Hendry in his Thursday column, you're out of luck. Kind of. A few readers slammed Mariotti at the bottom of a Greg Couch column Thursday.

You know, people love to ask us, in a snickering way, what we think of Stephen A. Smith's blog. Honestly, we think it's great; it takes real cojones to be a national television presence like Smith and not be afraid of open comments. The guy can take it. The guy has balls. No matter what your thoughts about him, you have to respect him for that.

Jay Mariotti, as if this was possibly in doubt, does not. He's a very sensitive boy.

Silence Is Golden [Chicago Tribune] (second item)

Blogjammin' has started a nice riff on Letterman's Dr. Phil's Words of Wisdom with the bombastic, blogtastic and oh-so-important Stephen A. Smith. And its quite hilarious. The second one is after the jump.

Yes, TURRBLY funny.

That's right: It's not just Little SAS ranting about the cheesy doodles: It's the real Stephen A. Smith himself.

Here's our favorite part:

"That's what I do when I'm stressed. Some people squeeze a ball. Some people go... kickboxing, or they work out and all this other stuff. I eat Cheez Doodles. That's what I do when I'm stressed. I'm gonna eat my Cheez Doodles."

And then we listen to Stephen A. rant and scream while crunching on Cheesy Doodles. The introduction of Stephen A. Smith to Planet Blog has all kinds of unintended, glorious consequences.

It's Real! It's Real! [Rockin' Steady]
Heckling Stephen A. Without Mercy [Deadspin]

Stephen A. hasn't written for the paper since August, when the paper dropped him to a "general assignment" reporter, a position he obviously wasn't going to accept. There have been rumors of a lawsuit, but Stephen A. wasn't talking yesterday.

But the days of typing out newspaper columns on a Blackberry are over. He is now, just like all of us, merely a blogger. We hope ESPN starts showing his URL below his name.

Inquirer Fires Stephen A. Smith [Philly.com]

In an interview with A.J. Daulerio, Stephen A. says that he realizes that he is "a polarizing figure." But if something or someone is polarizing, doesn't that require two opposite reactions? In looking through the comments, I just see one, basically.

• StephenA, You were right when you said that bloggers have no credibility. You are a perfect example. — AirRaid81

• Folks, I think we've been had. As ridiculous as this crap is, and as much as it sounds like Creamin A
I think we've got a hoaxster on our hands. — Iloveagoodhoax

• A pretty elaborate hoax. He even set up a professional-looking website (www.stephena.com) and got Stephen A to talk about HIS blog on his radio show. Nice detective work asshat. — Fallex

• AS FOR POLITICS, WE SHALL GLADLY TAKE YOUR ADVICE AND VOTE FOR HILARY, BARACK AND MCCAIN. BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT THE BEST CANDIDATE HAS NOT DECLARED CANDIDACY YET... YOU! AND ISIAH THOMAS FOR VP! — Stephen A. Smith Appreciation Society

• Loud does not equal insightful. — PurdueMatt

• I'M BRIAN FELLOWS! I'M BRIAN FELLOWS! Come on Stephen. Just yell it. You know you want to. — Brian Fellows

• Anyway, do your thing (maybe a Geico commercial is in your future!!) but just know that (all that yelling) is annoying especially when the batteries are low on the remote. — Straphanger4Life

• Remember that time you said the Chargers should kick a field goal on third down because if you miss, you can just kick it again on fourth down? That was awesome. I hope this blog is that awesome too. — Lozo

• To subscribe to the Offline version of the Blog do I need to do anything besides unplug my internet connection? — CousinsofRonMexico

• This blog is as meaningful as an Andrei Kirilenko marriage proposal. — More Credible

Yes, Stephen A. has made such a positive impression that at least one reader suspects that the blog is a hoax. It can't be real, can it? (Ed. Note: Alas, Daulerio assures us that it, indeed, is.)

Oh, it's real, and I hope that it never goes away, ever. But with only two posts since its inception, we need more more more.

Stephen A. Smith Is Serious About This Blogging Business [Deadspin]
Stephen A. Smith [Official Website]

We're not sure if Stephen A. quite made the connection, but he made it clear to Daulerio that he's not taking this blogging thing likely.

We got the sense that Smith doesn't quite grasp the enormity of his online detractors. He's excited about receiving 10,000 unique visitors in the first 36 hours, but is seemingly oblivious to the fact that most of those visits came from other sports blogs making fun of him.

"I realize I'm a polarizing figure," he says. "I want people to disagree with what I say. I want them to forget my persona for a second, or the fact that I appear to be a bit demonstrative or bombastic [on radio and television]. I want people to respond to the words coming out of my mouth or that I write as opposed to the persona. But once they start using the n-word and get derogatory, they won't be on there anymore."

So, let's continue to welcome Stephen A. with open arms. You are one of us ... one of us ... one of us ... ONE OF US.

Stephen A. Smith Plans to Be Back in Print And Blog Frequently [Philly.com]
Stephen A. Smith [Official Website]

Actually, it's not confirmed it's really him — one would think he'd have an ESPN blog, but, then again, Salisbury's site is outside the ESPN realm — but it certainly sounds like him, and it's all official looking and stuff. And who else would write this?

In the interest of being real, although I've been a journalist for more than 14 years, therefore intimately accustomed to writing, especially on the fly, I've never desired to have my own website, let alone write my own blog. But things change when your loved ones notice your notoriety more than you do, when they aspire for your voice to expand, when they've grown tired of the countless times they've heard critics rain venom without compunction because they sensed my voice was limited.

"Venom without compunction." If that's not our CHEESY DOODLES HERO, we don't know who is. Welcome, Stephen A. There's room for everybody. Just don't start making up stuff, because, you know, that's what blogs do.

The Official Stephen A. Smith Website
The Post Where Stephen A. Calls Us A Liar, And We Return The Favor [Deadspin]

Smith appeared on the program to discuss Sen. Barack Obama's debate performance the other evening, and it was vintage Stephen A.

Here's how he started his comments:

I was totally BORED, Chris, I was totally bored and I was DISGUSTED. I thought Barack Obama took a significant step back.

Yes! This is what our political landscape has been missing: Absolute certainty, expressed at maximum volume, that tramples over anything resembling subtle discourse. Wait: That's exactly what political punditry is. Smith was, oddly, a compelling presence, a guy beamed in from a different planet to yell at us with the authority of Zeus.

As blog Hullabaloo points out, all you really have to do is replace "Barack Obama" with "Kobe Bryant," and you have every single appearance Stephen A. has made on ESPN. But somehow, in the political realm, where the goal actually is to scream louder than everyone else, Stephen A. made perfect sense. Expect more appearances from Stephen A., without question. We can only dream of Stephen A. at some point moderating a debate; GOVERNOR ROMNEY YOU HAVE CHANGED YOUR POSITION ON THESE CHEESY DOODLES WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF.

They've Really Come Full Circle [Hullabaloo]

Here's video of the segment:

Hot on the heels of San Francisco and London, Copenhagen is to host a Masturbate-a-Thon in May which organizers hope will help break lingering taboos about self-love, an organizer said Wednesday. "Masturbation is positive, safe and an erotic alternative," she told AFP ahead of the event on May 31, to take place at a yet-to-be-decided venue with separate rooms for men, women and those who don't mind mingling.

Mind? I insist!

I wonder, are visual aids allowed? "STEPHEN A. SMITH ONLY NEEDS A PHOTO OF HIMSELF TO GET THE JOB DONE! THAT IS SO EROTIC! STEPHEN A. SMITH IS TURNING HIMSELF ON!"

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—--
Manually pleasured with my Blackberry Wireless

The Masturbate-A-Thon Is Coming To Copehhagen [Inquirer.Net]

Apparently, Stephen A. buys his furniture in the third person.

ESPN's Stephen A. Smith picked up some furniture at Raymour & Flanigan in Cherry Hill earlier today and referred to himself in the third person while shopping, says a nearby customer. "Stephen would like the sofa that Stephen was just sitting in," our source quotes Smith, who's been off from the [Philadelphia Inquirer] since his column was stripped in August.

This is fantastic. EVERY PIECE OF HOMEWARE STEPHEN A. SMITH BUYS IS IMPORTANT.

Stephen A. Buys Sofa In The Third Person [Philly.com]

• LET'S PUT IT ALL IN IT'S PROPER PERSPECTIVE! AMARE STOUDEMIRE IS UNSTOPPABLE LIKE A STOP SIGN! HE IS ONE PART ANTON CHIGURH, ONE PART BLANKA, ONE PART ANCIENT NAMELESS WATER BEAST! AMARE SCORED 42 POINTS AND GRABBED 13 BOARDS TO LEAD THE SUNS TO A 121-117 VICTORY OVER THE PACERS. STEPHEN J. NASH HAD 18 POINTS AND 17 ASSISTS. IMPRESSIVE NUMBERS, WITHOUT QUESTION. BUT I ASK YOU THIS: WHAT IF STEVE NASH WERE BLACK? OH. NO. WOULD STEVE NASH NOT JUST BE A POOR MAN'S TYRUS EDNEY? WOULD HE NOT!? LET ME ANSWER THAT FOR YOU: I THINK SO!

• I'M NOT PERPLEXED BY THIS HAWKS TEAM! THEY LOOK LIKE THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY DOIN' RIGHT NOW. IT'S REALLY THAT SIMPLE TO ME. HERE THEY ARE LOSING 106-95 TO THE PISTONS! AND TO THAT I SAY, WHERE IS THE SUPER YOUTH, COACH WOODSON? WHERE!? I DON'T SEE IT! HAWKS GUARD SALIM STOUDAMIRE HAD 15 POINTS, ALL IN THE FOURTH. SO WHY ISN'T HE PLAYING MORE? WHY!? YOU EXTRAPOLATE THOSE NUMBERS OVER THE ENTIRE COURSE OF THE GAME AND SALIM STOUDAMIRE IS DROPPING 60 POINTS PER GAME! 60! EASY! I'M SAYING IF YOU GONNA MAKE A STATEMENT, MAKE A STATEMENT, COACH WOODSON. YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY HIM? THEN CUT HIM LOOSE! SALIM STOUDAMIRE CAN GO WIN LEAGUE MVP SOMEWHERE ELSE!

• KNOW YOUR ROOTS! WE GOTS TO GET SOME REAL BALL TALK UP IN HERE! SO LISTEN, JOHN SALMONS SCORED 13 STRAIGHT IMMEDIATELY AFTER KEVIN MARTIN WENT DOWN WITH A STRAINED GROIN, LEADING THE KINGS TO A 117-107 VICTORY OVER THE JAZZ. BALL. TALK. NOW, MORE IMPORTANTLY, UTAH JAZZ: YOU DON'T NEED TO BE LYING TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC. YOU PLAY IN UTAH, SURE. BUT YOU FROM NEW ORLEANS, OK? SO DON'T ACT LIKE YOU FROM UTAH. YOU PRETEND YOU FROM UTAH, BUT YOU ORIGINALLY FROM N'AWLINS. IT'S JUST THAT SIMPLE!

• QUITE FRANKLY, THEY BLOW! I'M SORRY. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS GAME. I DO! I WANT TO ANALYZE KOBE'S SICK 20 POINTS AND BREAK DOWN THE X'S AND O'S. HOWEVA! IT IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME TO BE TALKING ABOUT THE MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES RIGHT NOW. A COMPLETE A WASTE OF TIME! THEY'RE HORRIBLE! ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE! LOSING BY 21 TO THE L.A. LAKERS? PLEASE! SOMEBODY WAKE ME WHEN THE WOLVES GET KEVEN GARNETT BACK. UNTIL THEN, I HAVE BLOGS TO PISS ON IN MY DREAMS!

___________________________________________________________________
Sent by my Blackberry Wireless Handheld

In Part III of his interview with the Los Angeles Daily News' Tom Hoffarth, Stephen A. reveals how he would fix journalism: Prevent bloggers from "disseminating information." We understand that it originally had a laugh track.

"And when you look at the internet business, what's dangerous about it is that people who are clearly unqualified get to disseminate their piece to the masses. I respect the journalism industry, and the fact of the matter is ...someone with no training should not be allowed to have any kind of format whatsoever to disseminate to the masses to the level which they can. They are not trained. Not experts."

It's true: You will not find a writer who has more respect for the journalism industry than Smith ... with the possible exception of the guy who replaced him at the Inquirer, from which Smith was dumped for not having enough respect for the journalism industry.

"Therefore, there's a total disregard, a level of wrecklessness that ends up being a domino effect. And the people who suffer are the common viewers out there and, more importantly, those in the industry who haven't been fortunate to get a radio or television deal and only rely on the written word. And now they've been sabotaged. Not because of me. Or like me. But because of the industry or the world has allowed the average joe to resemble a professional without any credentials whatsoever."

We're not sure how Smith would police his new blog-free society; probably with some sort of expansion of the Patriot Act. Bloggers would be rounded up and sent to Gitmo, there to be made to input guacamole recipes on Rachael Ray's web site.

Smith: Blogs "Should Not Be Allowed" Big Audience [SportsbyBrooks]
Stepehn A. Smith Q&A Part III: Internet Writers Have Sabotaged Newspapers [Farther Off the Wall]

Well, mainly, it was Thomas quizzing Stephen A. about his sports knowledge, and if a Supreme Court justice wanted to feel smarter about his sports aptitude as compared to a sports"writer," Stephen A.'s probably the right guy to target.

Out of the corner of his eye, he recognized sports commentator Stephen A. Smith, who hosted ESPN's now-defunct "Quite Frankly." Thomas began quizzing him. "Who was the Black Jesus?" Thomas asked. Before Smith could answer, Thomas said, "Earl Monroe."

After Thomas grilled Smith on more old-school trivia, Smith finally said, "You're trying to show me that you know more about sports than I do." Thomas launched into an impassioned speech decrying Bob Hayes's absence from the Pro Football Hall of Fame. "That is one of the great injustices!" Thomas said. "And that is frankly speaking."

Interestingly enough, Thomas' past history with women qualified him more for working at ESPN than his sports expertise.

Memoirs Are Made Of This [Washington Post]

That's right: The charming Mike Tirico is taking over two hours of Patrick's show, with the last hour filled in by SOME GUY WHOSE NAME WE CAN'T REMEMBER. We've never heard Tirico much on the radio, but we expect the same bland, competent work he always gives us. (Along with, you know, love talk.) We still feel bad for Van Pelt; we suspect he would have been good, as long as nobody talked about Maryland.

Mike Him Up [ESPN]
Here Are Those Tirico Stories We Hinted At Last Week [Deadspin]

Specifically, for Stephen A. Smith's entry. Witness.

On January 6, 2007, the lines "In 2006, Quite Frankly experienced a staff shake-up. A new executive producer was hired to enhance the shows production and tighten the reins on Smith's bizarre production requests. However, even with his arrival, critics say the show continues to lack in substantive content and has little entertainment value. Insiders concede that production of Quite Frankly is likely to continue until the end of Smith's contract with ESPN" were deleted from Smith's Wikipedia page. The editor's IP address is from ESPN headquarters in Bristol.

Here's another one. Smith's page goes from:

In January of [[2006]], ''Quite Frankly'' was moved to a new 11pm [[Eastern Time|EST]] slot on ESPN2. Since it's debut, the show has not faired well in household ratings scoring a 0.1. Smith has stated that he hopes the time change will help improve his ratings. He felt that the original time slot conflicted too much with his audiences work schedules.

to:

In January of [[2006]], ''Quite Frankly'' was moved to a new 11pm [[Eastern Time|EST]] slot on ESPN2. Since it's debut, the show's ratings have fluctuated between a 0.1 to 0.6, numbers that are considered solid in a cable television environment.

We don't think this is Stephen A. doing this, mainly because it's difficult to edit Wikipedia pages on a Blackberry. But it's clear someone at Bristol is trying to wipe the record clean. Here are some other pages edited by the Bristol IP address.

• Jay Crawford. (Sexual harassment allegations erased.)
• Bill Buckner. (Link to ESPN Video Page added.)
• Danyelle Sargent. (Deletion of reference to famous "What the FUCK was THAT?" incident.)

Those are the ones we've found so far. Please let us know if you find any more.

(In the interest of full disclosure, we have a Wikipedia login in which we occasionally edit our own entries for factual inaccuracies and updated information. Our edits can be found here. We think they're pretty innocent, except for the time we tried to sneak "The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals" onto the Arizona Cardinals page. We plead guilty on that one.)

(UPDATE: Apparently some of the major sports leagues have been in on this too.)

The paper reports not that Stephen A. is losing his column, but that he's "due to return to reporting," which is kind of an insult in itself. The story goes on to:

• Slap Smith by saying, "Smith's column, which he began writing in 2003, last appeared on Friday, when he asserted that the Phillies were in better shape than the Mets."

• Point out that Smith isn't returning calls to his own paper.

• Imply that Smith has been slacking because of his "obligations" to other outlets, mentioning, "Earlier this year, he was on the TV soap opera General Hospital and in the Chris Rock movie I Think I Love My Wife."

They actually link from the online version of the story to the great Slate piece about how television is ruining the sports column. That's a bitch slap, friends. But surely, after all this, Stephen A. will love to come back from vacation to write features on Temple women's basketball, absolutely.

Oh, sorry, we almost forgot: EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS IMPORTANT.

Seriously, though: We're pretty curious what Smith does when he comes back. Will he quit? Sue? Pelt the editor with Cheesy Doodles?

Stephen A. Smith Due To Return To Reporting [Philadelphia Inquirer]

Sources believe Smith's column has been in the cross-hairs for some time. "There was a time when the powers that be were just happy to have somebody that's on ESPN on the masthead," says a source who spoke on condition of anonymity. "But I think the new leadership has been asking itself for a while now whether or not the columns [he] was turning in were justifying his [reportedly generous] salary. And I think they decided he wasn't bringing his A-game."

Our favorite part of this: They've given Smith the option of staying on as General Assignment Reporter. Oh, he's just gonna love that. Do you think a man of STEPHEN A. SMITH'S STATURE is going to be satisfied writing human interest stories on backup kickers for the Philadelphia Sol? Please. The man is a superstar. The good news is that no longer will Stephen A. Smith be weighed down by the burdens of, you know, sportswriting.

Stephen A. Smith Stripped Of Column [Phawker]

(By the way, Lil SAS is back.)

(UPDATE: Here's the tale of hanging out with the hecklers last night. Wow.)

To remind: The NBA Draft is three days away. To make sure you're appropriately fired up, we bring you this brilliant blast from the past, the fantastic Stephen A. Smith heckling video from last year's NBA Draft. HE LOVES THESE CHEESY DOODLES.

God, we hope these guys come back this year.

I Fear I Am Slowly Becoming Stephen A. Smith [Cake Rocks The Party]

EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT!

Anyway, when the show "relaunches" May 7 — though it's staying in its oh-so-desirable 10 a.m. ET on ESPN2 time slot — it's going to try something "new." It's going to pit several different "personalities" in the unenviable position of facing off with Skip Bayless in an intellectual death match.

Patrick McEnroe, ESPN's Stephen A. Smith and ESPN.com columnist Jemele Hill will square off against Bayless, and each other, on the new ESPN First Take morning show, says Norby Williamson, ESPN's executive vice president of studio and remote production. Cold Pizza co-hosts Jay Crawford and Dana Jacobson will continue with the show. Bayless, McEnroe, Smith and Hill will headline a rotating group who'll debate during the 1st and 10 segments.

"We tried out a lot of people for the last three months or so," Williamson says. "The goal is to have a group the audience can identify with."

We appreciate what Norby — Norby! — is going for here; Jemele Hill is a new hire who needs to cut her TV teeth somewhere, Patrick McEnroe needs a job and Stephen A., well, they have to find something for him to do. Heck, 10 a.m. on a Tuesday afternoon is about to become can't-miss sports television, we are sure.

ESPN Shooting For Better A.M. Debates [USA Today]

Namely, he doesn't like Stephen A. Smith. That delightful zinger was the outro for Stephon Marbury's new talk show, called... actually, I don't know what the hell it's called. But it exists, and that, to be honest with you, is more than I wanted to know about it in the first place.

That looked like something Steph has wanted to get off his chest for a while... funny, I didn't even know that there was any kind of a beef between Marbury and Stephen A. Smith. I'd have thought they had a lot in common. They both like attention, both of their first names start with the same five letters, both have inflated views of their own importance, and soon, they'll both have canceled talk shows.

Marbury Disses Stephen A. "Stiff" [truesportsfans]

OK, now we're not gonna get into politics this morning, but someone sent us this clip of Stephen A. Smith — listed as "Stephen Smith" — debating atheism on CNN. This isn't the first time he's debated non-sports topics on CNN, but this is the first time we've grabbed a clip.

And you know what? We think that, without question, Stephen A. comes across as the only sane person in this clip. It might be because the topic of the show is the oncoming propaganda onslaught of atheists — they're coming for you next! — and a topic like this is destined to bring out the crazies. (Seriously, do atheists really need a "better PR campaign" and "Hallmark cards?")

We guarantee that if Stephen A. keeps appearing on CNN as a commentator opposite people like these two, he will have a long and fulfilling career in political punditry. Such opposition should not be difficult to find.

Atheism On CNN [One Good Move]

That's Stephen A. Smith's brief appearance on "General Hospital," an ABC daytime soap that never really recovered from the loss of Jack Wagner (don't judge me). I've gotta hand it to Stephen A., that wasn't bad. He was able to step outside himself, fully immerse himself in the role, and, just for a few seconds, be a completely different person.

I know this because his last line was, "Will this trigger a mob war?" And if Stephen A. was unable to sound like someone else, it would have sounded more like, "WILL THIS TRIGGER A MOB WAR? AND HAVE THE HOSTAGES DEMANDED CHEESY DOODLES? BECAUSE I HAVE SOME IN THE CAR."

Quite Frankly, Stick to Sports... [Online Sports Guys]
The Trailer Has Cheesy Doodles, Right? [Deadspin]

This still is from the upcoming February 2 episode of "General Hospital," in which our man Stephen A. Smith will make a guest appearance. He will play a reporter "covering the hostage crisis at the Metro Court Hotel." Stephen A. is reportedly a lifelong fan of the program.

Far be it from us to ever make fun of a man for enjoying a good soap opera — we were weaned on "As The World Turns," ourselves — but we have to question the faith Stephen A. is putting in his thespian skills. Sure, anybody can act ... but they expect him to play a reporter? Jeez, might as well ask him to play Hamlet.

General Hospital Happenings

The show has been plagued by awful ratings since its ridiculously high-profile launch more than a year ago — the reasons for the low ratings vary, ranging from the general unlikability of its host to the fact that no one can stand the guy whose name is in the show — and Stephen A., a few months ago, seemed to acknowledge the show was close to shuffling off this mortal coil.

"I don't know [whether the show will make it to a second anniversary]. I don't know if I'm going to want to [continue]. ... For me it never has been about just being on TV. I'm about success."

We have no confirmation on this, and it could be bunk, but that's what we're hearing, anyway. A sad day. Totally. Seriously. Really.

The Post Where Stephen A. Calls Us A Liar, And We Return The Favor [Deadspin]
Our Field Trip To Quite Frankly [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: Synergy Sports has an email from a staffer saying the show is kaput. Here's what the staffer wrote:

"Hi, i work on the show and it just got shit canned today. No on knew until 5pm, we shot the last show before we knew it was the last show then they rounded everyone up and told them at the same time. I knew it was over shortly before it was announced when someone told me they were instructed to "change the locks" on certain equipment closets.")

(SECOND UPDATE: We now have official confirmation: The show's over, gang.)

(THIRD UPDATE: ESPN has sent out a press release about Smith's show ending, and it's after the jump. The show's not being canceled: Smith is "expanding his presence." Of course!)

> From: "ESPNPR"
> Date: January 12, 2007 2:11:42 PM EST
> Subject: NEW ROLE FOR ESPN'S STEPHEN A. SMITH
>
> For Immediate Release
> January 12, 2007
>
>
> NEW ROLE FOR ESPN'S STEPHEN A. SMITH
>
> Expanded Appearances on SportsCenter, NBA, ESPNEWS Plus Four Interview Specials; ESPN The Magazine & ESPN.com Opportunities; Last Quite Frankly Show Today
>
> Stephen A. Smith, ESPN's outspoken and insightful commentator, will expand his presence across numerous ESPN entities as part of a new role, it was announced by Norby Williamson, ESPN Executive Vice President, Remote and Studio Production. Smith will be featured more regularly and extensively on SportsCenter, NBA studio programming and on ESPNEWS, as well as host four TV interview specials surrounding big events. In addition, opportunities for ESPN The Magazine and ESPN.com columns will be explored. In turn, today will be the last episode of Quite Frankly, the weeknight interview program that Smith has hosted since its August 2005 debut.
> "Stephen A. connects with fans because he brings great energy, knowledge and strong opinions," Williamson said. "While Quite Frankly delivered strong interviews and discussion, this new role will provide a better showcase for Stephen A.'s impactful voice to be heard across numerous forms of ESPN media."
> In addition to the four interview specials, Smith will appear as a leading NBA voice for news, issues and analysis across all of ESPN's studio programming, including SportsCenter, NBA studio shows and ESPNEWS.
> Stephen A. Smith joined ESPN in 2003 as studio analyst on NBA Shootaround and NBA Fastbreak and as a reporter for other studio programming. Quite Frankly debuted in August 2005 as a 6:30 p.m. ET weeknight series, and was moved to the late-night time period (11 p.m. or following live events) in January 2006. Smith has been a sports writer at the Philadelphia Inquirer since 1994.
> Prior to ESPN, he covered news and sports at the New York Daily News (1993-94) and worked at the Greensboro News and Record (1992-93) and the Winston-Salem Journal (1991-92). Since 1999, he has also been active in television and radio, primarily in Philadelphia, but also on Fox Sports Net, Fox News Channel, Fox Sports Radio and CNN/SI, in addition to appearances on ESPN Radio.

All right: Time for the next step in the Elite Eight. This thing is gonna fly by now, by the way; the final two Elite Eight matchups will be next week, and then it's Final Four time, and then, jeez, then this whole virtual construction is completed. To remind you, here's the bracket (Berman's got a considerable lead over Leinart, but there's still time to vote.)

The lone break of seed in the first round involved Stephen A. Smith taking down Ozzie Guillen, a matchup that probably had the seeds reversed anyway. But he's got an awfully daunting foe this time: The infamous Carl Monday, who is everywhere, watching everything, keeping the streets safe. But you know that by now.

The matchup breakdown:

No. 2 Seed: Carl Monday
2006 Highlights
Blew the lid off a nationwide epidemic.
Inspired one of the few amusing Dilbert parodies we've ever seen.
Went after poor Mike Cooper one more time, just for good times' sake.
Inspired his own minor league baseball promotion.
Hit the big time of "The Daily Show."
Became a popular Halloween costume.

No. 10 Seed: Stephen A. Smith
2006 Highlights
Called David Letterman "Jay."
Begged for audience members.
Enjoyed many Cheesy Doodles.
Encouraged his audience to boo his guests.
Attempted to blame previous transgression on us.
Solved the crisis in the Middle East.

So, go vote: Who is headed for the Final Four?

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Just two more first-round matchups left until the Elite Eight, and we've got a potential barnburner here today. (Does anyone other than Musberger use "barnburner" anymore? We like the term.)

It's No. 7 seed Ozzie Guillen — unfortunately in the opposite bracket of Jay Mariotti — against No. 10 seed Stephen A. Smith, two people whom, if they had a conversation, would be surprisingly boring, probably because it would be televised on ESPN 2 around 11 p.m., maybe, we think, whatever time they're running it now.

LET'S LOOK AT THE MATCHUP BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THIS MATCHUP IS IMPORTANT.

No. 7 Seed: Ozzie Guillen
2006 Highlights
Controlled your ass.
Sent down a poor pitcher for not hitting someone on the other team.
Restored a somewhat damaged image by picking a fight with Jay Mariotti.
Drank down by several Chicago-area gay men.
Tried not to notice A-Rod's erection.

No. 10 Seed: Stephen A. Smith
2006 Highlights
Called David Letterman "Jay."
Begged for audience members.
Enjoyed many Cheesy Doodles.
Encouraged his audience to boo his guests.
Attempted to blame previous transgression on us.
Solved the crisis in the Middle East.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

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It concerns Stephen A. Smith and his birthday.

Two weeks ago, ESPN 1050's Stephen A. Smith said he never celebrates his birthday because it's the anniversary of his brother's death. We're not sure why he'd choose to bring up such a sad, personal thing, but OK, he did.

This past week, Smith spoke of how he's hung over, having spent the weekend drinking, clubbing and partying - in celebration of his birthday.

Remarkable.

You know, we'd really like to go clubbing with Stephen A. Smith. We mean, really. I THINK THESE BEATS ARE FANTASTIC I AM READY TO SHAKE IT RIGHT NOW WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TASTY CHEESY DOODLES

Sports World Gone Mad [New York Post]

Yes — and we're not kidding here — the fine folks at CNN, desperately to fill weekend airtime, asked Stephen A. and other "radio personalities" to discuss the Middle East crisis, terrorism and homeland security. No: They really did this.

We don't have video, tragically, but we do have some transcripts. Here's our terror-filled world explained and solved, the Stephen A. way.

You have a lot of people out there looking saying all right, you know, Osama bin Laden, this is what he did. With 9/11 and what have you, but we're in Iraq. You understand? We're still looking for him. And we're looking at the Bush administration and I'm not casting aspersions on them saying we know definitely they lied about this that or the other. I'm saying that's the appearance that it gives, so you don't trust the leadership that is telling you ... this is what the problem is and that's what it's going to come down to.

[Iraq] is a bloody diversion. I don't think there's any question about that. I'm APPALLED.

There's a down side to it if we just get up and leave. Obviously, I agree with Senator Clinton, when she talked about there shouldn't be a definitive time date as to when we should leave. We should be working on leaving, but it shouldn't be a definitive time date. Like, we're leaving next week or we're leaving next month. But definitely I think we need to get out of there. I don't think it's a problem America can fix. The world has to be involved, but the people there have to be committed to fixing the problem.

Whatever your thoughts on Smith or the politics of the situation, please, PLEASE let this be the last time we ever hear Stephen A. Smith say the words "Obviously, I agree with Senator Clinton." Heavens. Though we hear Hillary does love cheese doodles.

WELCOME TO THE FUTURE TRANSCRIPT [CNN.com]

It started innocently enough: Back when we were feeling fired up occasionally to actually leave the couch, we paid a visit to a taping of Stephen A.'s show, and we even got on the air. We thought we had a nice relationship; we thought we were in love, or at least had a chance at maybe a foot massage someday.

But wretched ratings and irrelevance are a bitter mistress, and next thing you knew, everything was going wrong for Stephen. The Nielsens were not kind — not even to the short-lived "Quite Frankly: Afterthoughts" spinoff, amazingly — and Stephe had his timeslot switched, was hilariously harassed about Cheese Doodles at the NBA Draft and practically begged people at Penn Station in New York to come to his show.

It was this last instance, when a staffer encouraged Cubs bloggers to come boo guest Dusty Baker, that pushed Stephen A. to spurn our affections once and for all. Baker cancelled his appearance, and for whatever reason (probably because he was LYING), Stephen A. blamed little ole us for the misstep. Later, faced with irrefutable evidence, he fessed up, but by then, the die was cast. As it is with Stephen A.'s show, which even he seems resigned to its cancellation: "I don't know [whether the show will make it to a second anniversary]. I don't know if I'm going to want to [continue]. ... For me it never has been about just being on TV. I'm about success." True. So damned true. Because you know what? EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS IMPORTANT!

But is he a Hall of Famer? Remember, 75 percent is the threshold. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Tuesday.

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"The production company did a thorough review and it was brought to my attention that I was mislead. The word 'boo' was used. I trusted the individual and apologize for giving bad information. At the end of the day, the situation has been dealt with."

We didn't receive the email, by the way; we probably would have ended up just doctoring it anyway. We actually feel pretty bad for Chan, who, if he really tried to "cover up" his "mistake," shouldn't consider a CIA job in his future. We are curious how he is being "dealt with." We wonder if his punishment involves actually watching the show.

Finally ... A Confession [View From The Bleachers]
Goatriders Vs. ESPN [Goatriders Of The Apocalypse]
The Post Where Stephen A. Calls Us A Liar And We Return The Favor [Deadspin]

Smith accused deadspin.com, a frequent critic of his, of altering the memo, but deadspin merely linked to the goatriders.org site.

That's right: We altered a memo that we never received and could care less about, and then encouraged several Cubs blogs to go along with us. Why? Because EVERYTHING HE SAYS IS IMPORTANT! The folks at Goatriders, where this all started, detail the whole experience there. We would like to say that Smith's inability to stand up to the fact that one of his staffers might have made a simple mistake, choosing instead to blatantly lie to cover himself, would be the most embarassing part of the interview. But it actually gets worse.

Smith, explaining to Greenstein why his program's ratings are so bad, claims the fault is not HIS OWN STYLE!, but in fact THE SUITS AT ESPN! He blames the timeslot change from 5:30 p.m. to 11 p.m., saying ESPN doesn't promote the show enough. "I'm not happy," Smith said. "I love working for ESPN, and ESPN has been very good to me. But I'd be lying if I said I'm happy with what has transpired with the show."

But that's not the best part. The best part is when Smith explains that when ESPN asked him if he would be interested in moving his show to 11, he said yes, not realizing that live games running late might delay the start of his show. This news flash — that sports don't have definitive end times — has taken Smith aback.

As for the show's inevitable cancellation, Smith almost sounds resigned to it: "I don't know [whether the show will make it to a second anniversary]. I don't know if I'm going to want to [continue]. ... For me it never has been about just being on TV. I'm about success."

You know what? We think he's lying.

Quite Frankly, Baker Bails Out [Chicago Tribune]
Goatriders Vs. ESPN, Final Round [Goatriders Of The Apocalypse]
Come On Down And Boo Our Guests [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: Here's another email exchange, this one from View From The Bleachers, verifying that Smith and his staff are full of it.)