Your Bill Simmons-A-Matic

The folks at Chicago Sports Review have come up with a nifty applet: Your opportunity to write your own Bill Simmons column. It's like a mad lib, but it's actually pretty ingenious how they've put it together. It takes a while to fill out, but it's kind of worth it. Here's the first three paragraphs of ours:

So I'm sitting there the other day watching ESPN2 and I see that Derek Jeter had a great game. There is nobody, with the possible exception of Grady Little, that I dislike more than Derek Jeter. In the pantheon of people that 'Make the Sports Guy angry,' these two are a nailbiter.

The phone rings. It's my friend Bish. awesome! Bish is always willing to discuss our mutual distaste for Derek Jeter. Don't get me wrong—we respect his abilities. But he's the The Nanny of sports. Totally annoying, yet on TV all the time. Bish mentions that it would be nice if Derek Jeter caught a case of rickets at the beginning of September, opening a Mike Alstott on steroids-sized hole for the Red Sox to cruise to the playoffs.

Bish points out that the chances that Derek Jeter will come down with rickets in September are minimal, but that if we expanded the possibilities, there would be a greater chance for debilitation of some sort. As usual, Bish is a crazy genius.

We know Simmons still works hard on his column — we look forward to his World Series of Poker column; ESPN.com reported in a chat last week that he went out in one day — but if he's ever feeling particularly lazy, he could probably turn this in and get away with it, once anyway.

Write Your Very Own Sports Guy Column [Chicago Sports Review]