Your Americanized World Cup FanFest

Reader Mike Gaydos — along with other Deadspin readers, whose reports we eagerly anticipate — is on site for us in Germany, specifically in Stuttgart, at the Stuttugart Fan Fest. Well, he was there Saturday, anyway, to watch the England-Paraguay game.

What were the crazy local customs they observed for the Fan Fest? Uh ... they sold Coca-Cola and shot Mastercard "Priceless" T-shirts into the crowd at halftime. We love America, but sometimes we ruin things a bit.

Anyway, photos galore from the Fan Fest, after the jump. Also after the jump: A report from Kristopher Nordstrom, who was at a Fan Zone in Cologne.

NORDSTROM'S REPORT

Here at the Fan Fest, there's plenty of opportunity for people watching. Allow me to present you with Nordy´s guide to World Cup fashion. If you want to look like a typical soccer fan at the World Cup, just follow these easy steps.

Eurotrash: Go into your sister´s room. Steal all of her Capri pants. Wear them. In public. Put on some no-longer-trendy Puma or Adidas driving shoes with no socks or black ankle socks. Top it off with a medium t-shirt of your choice. Get a bad haircut that involves copious amounts of product in order to get your hair to spike in as many directions as possible. Accessorize with dumb sunglasses. Bonus points: highlight or color your tips.

US Soccer fan: This one´s easy. Red t-shirt. Khaki shorts (note: must be pleated!). Soccer sandals. Safe, corporate haircut. Ample paunch. Bonus points: combover.

Middle-age English fan: Very short, bad haircut. England jersey. Jean shorts. White kicks with white socks to mid-calf. And — this is very important — must have forearm tattoo. Disqualified if you have any hint of a tan. Bonus points: travel ban. (I just noticed that England fans are only a pencil-thin beard away from looking like Yankees fans)

Overall, the Fan Zone was a good time. I imagine we´ll be taking in quite a few more games in Fan Zones in other cities around the country. A few more points before I go:

Thumbs up: Northern latitudes. The sun didn´t set last night til about 10pm.

Thumbs down: The Iranian kid after their game against Mexico who was yelling, "fuck Boosh, fuck USA, fuck Brazil, we are the best hooligans." Only douchebag poseurs brag about being the best hooligans.

Thumbs up: The police. Yes, the police. There are a ton of opposing fans and tons of alcohol in the Fan Zones. As a result, there´s a big police presence. While the German police look intimidating, I have to commend them for being friendly and interacting and joking with fans. It makes for a much nicer atmosphere.

Thumbs down: Can a brother get a dark beer? I asked for a "dunkel" and I got something that tasted like currents. I guess I´ll be drinking pilsners from here on out.