What Is ESPN Sports Passport, And Should I Be Afraid?

Surely you've noticed by now that alongside every recap on ESPN.com is an ad for ESPN Sports Passport. But what is this exciting service and how will it affect my daily life? Let's let the WWL itself explain: WERE YOU THERE? Did you attend this game? If so, start chronicling your sports memories today with ESPN's Sports Passport. Enter the games you attend, upload your photos and share your memories! Link.So, say you attend the LA Clippers at Oklahoma Thunder game (lucky!), and you want to preserve those precious memories for future generations. When you sign up with ESPN Sports Passport, which I did, you get access to a kind of online scrapbook in which you can input things like "Memories of the game," "Hints for next visit" and "Friends who were with you." You can upload photos and preserve box scores. All the fun of a Martha Stewart Living party without the messy glue! Unfortunately these are not customized by team. For instance, I've attended two Oakland Raiders games this year. Nowhere is there an area for "Circumstances of arrest" or "Amount of bail." I suppose my assailant's mug shot could be uploaded among the regular game photos, though. Also the legal implications are cloudy. Say you witnessed several crimes during the Phillies World Series parade (who didn't?), and have first-hand accounts and photo evidence on your ESPN Passport page. Will ESPN surrender access to your page to the government without a court order? Oh I'm betting they will. Other questions: • What if I simply want to take a photo of myself and my son enjoying the game, and preserve it in a frame on my bookshelf without all of this ESPN Passport nonsense? Will I be audited? • What about photos like this? I see nothing in your terms of service that covers this. • Does ESPN Passport get me into Mexico on short notice? • Chris Berman often calls and screams obscenities onto my answering machine. Any plans for an audio recording feature? • You only have tab entries for MLB, NFL, and seven other sports. What if I see a sports personality at a strip club? Say it's, oh I don't know, Joba Chamberlain, for instance. How do I preserve that precious memory? • Can I block Sean Salisbury cell phone photos? • Why must every entry conclude with a Lou Holtz thought of the day? • If I'm Mitch Albom, can I not actually attend the game and say that I did? Congratulations to ESPN and their ESPN Sports Passport partner company, Orbitz, for figuring out yet another way to draw users into their sticky online web; like Frodo in the giant spider's cave, it's very difficult to get out of there once you're in. One day we'll all simply lean back in a leather chairs with electrodes attached to our foreheads and live our sports-watching lives through the ESPN matrix. No reason to play sports, or even go out and attend games. All will happen through the ESPN portals. Until The One comes along and frees us all, allowing us to breathe the fresh air of freedom once again. Your move, Bill Simmons.