That's All For Whitlock At Page 2 - Deadspin Comments

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Lt. Exley — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 20:53:53 EDT

this site is what page 2 wants to be but never can be due to disney and tight sphincters at the WWL

Lt. Exley

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Dweeze — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:31:53 EDT

Wiley was hit and miss, but his post 9-11 column might have been the best thing written about sports during that time.

Dweeze

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Johnny LaRue — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:28:01 EDT

Wait people actually read Jim Caple? I thought he was just there for filler.
******
No, Caple is there to supply gratuitous Yankee-bashing fluff whenever Simmons has the day (or the rest of the year) off. It's a public service, really: New England sports fans cannot function very well without their daily dose.

Johnny LaRue

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The Count of Monte Fisto — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:21:15 EDT

Tim Keown's list is always pretty good, although sometimes impossible to find

The Count of Monte Fisto

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Stev D — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:14:59 EDT

Denis L.: Gazziza Dilznoofus

Stev D

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BigTDog — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:11:49 EDT

I agree with your assessment on Wiley BDD. I could never get through any paragraph where he assumed his alter-ego ("R-Dawg", or whatever he referred to himself in the 3rd person)

BigTDog

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rock & rye — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:02:49 EDT

"...and got TMQ back (why they canned him for nothing significant was stupid)"

Mike Nolan? Is that you?

rock & rye

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Johnny D — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:49:51 EDT

VICTORY!!!

I never liked Whitlock much. He's top-tall.

Johnny D

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Michael Bertin — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:46:18 EDT

I don't think he's sleeping. After all Whitlock put his prognositcating life last week on the Horns as a 99.9% lock to get it done at home against OSU. I always wondered what the consequences of those types of claims were. Maybe God finally called someone's bluff.

Michael Bertin

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Carson — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:45:48 EDT

Every line Scoop Jackson writes is a throwaway.

Carson

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BowdenBowdenBowden — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:41:02 EDT

Uni Watch is the best part of Page 2, and has been for a while.

BowdenBowdenBowden

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Denis Lemieux — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:28:19 EDT

Simmons couldn't hold Bill McNeal's 40 of Rocket Fuel Malt Liquor.

Denis Lemieux

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msakraid — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:24:47 EDT

Dear Jason,

Quite writting those retarded mock letters to open your columns.

Love, Halle

msakraid

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Rosebud Henri Withmustard — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:23:58 EDT

Maybe it's Jimmy James and Simmons is going to WNYX.

Rosebud Henri Withmustard

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chopper dave — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:21:50 EDT

That was actually me who posted the question in the Chat that got Scoop to say Whitlock (and possibly scoop) is leaving. I know I have no way to prove this, but it's true.

chopper dave

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Kid Canada — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:21:20 EDT

Whitlock was going to be on "The Biggest Loser" until he found out it was actually a weight loss show.

Kid Canada

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Saved By Zero — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:13:06 EDT

what, no more klosterman? he ROCKED on that heavy metal rockumentary on VH1 last night

Saved By Zero

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rombuu — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:10:56 EDT

This is pretty much the definition of addition by subtraction, isn't it?

rombuu

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

The Professor — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:10:01 EDT

That leather couch probably has Chris Bermans DNA all over it.

The Professor

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Bronson — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:08:11 EDT

I think he's got a midget trapped under there.

Bronson

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Spaceman Bill Leah — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:06:19 EDT

Of course Kimmel is still returning Simmons's calls. Unless BS namechecked another friend named Jimmy who owns 9 tv's in today's colum.

Spaceman Bill Leah

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Bort — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:02:46 EDT

That couch is a Salacious Crumb away from being Jabba the Hutt's couch.

Bort

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T-dawg — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 16:01:46 EDT

they have added (at times) Klostermann, and got TMQ back (why they canned him for nothing significant was stupid, he should have stayed at NFL.com instead of joining a bigger, faster sinking ship...)

Didn't Malcolm Gladwell join occasionally as well?

T-dawg

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Dr. Bone — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:54:32 EDT

Whitlock is sleeping because he was busy to the wee hours of the night getting shot down by every female at the Plaza bars.

Dr. Bone

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KOGOD — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:53:56 EDT

AND HE DIPS THEM IN A VAT OF RANCH DRESSING WHEN HE FEELS SO INCLINED!

KOGOD

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Drew Magary — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:49:08 EDT

I ENJOY A GOOD CHEEZE DOODLE EVERY NOW AND THEN, BUT MY FRIEND JASON ENJOYS THEM FAR MORE AND WITH GREATER FREQUENCY!

Drew Magary

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sonnylistonwasafriendofmine — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:48:08 EDT

I thought Page 2 was all about long lists of crap no one gives a rat's ass about, like 100 Greatest Middle Relief Performances in AL Central Games within Two Weeks of the All Star Break.

Course, I haven't read Page 2 in three years, so I could be wrong.

sonnylistonwasafriendofmine

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Dr. Bone — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:47:40 EDT

Is Sports Pickle Gallo the Simmons friend/ character Gallo he sometimes mentions?

Nice to see less of Whitlock. If they wanted good writing they would have taken Joe Posnanski from the KC Star instead.

Dr. Bone

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Ted Striker — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:47:20 EDT

That's a La-Z-Boy just like that Saudi Little League kid was 12. That's a La-Z-Man.

Ted Striker

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Denis Lemieux — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:42:46 EDT

Simmons would leave ESPN but Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla aren't returning his phone calls.

Denis Lemieux

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The Professor — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:42:38 EDT

It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.

LONG LIVE THE OCHO!

The Professor

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Skittles and lox empanada — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:42:20 EDT

I don't see the Dirty Brown Towel.

Skittles and lox empanada

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Hit Bull Win Steak — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:42:02 EDT

christ, all we'll have left on Page 2 soon will be Simmons and Uni Watch

Hit Bull Win Steak

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

SonnyHooper — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:41:45 EDT

that sound you just heard was the ESPN cafeteria buffet breathing a sigh of relief

SonnyHooper

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Will Leitchs Unfinished Novel — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:41:02 EDT

No one has ever read Jim Caple. He just has incriminating photos.

Will Leitchs Unfinished Novel

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Will Leitchs Unfinished Novel — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:40:30 EDT

Page 2 = ungood.

Will Leitchs Unfinished Novel

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Bronson — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:39:38 EDT

Wait people actually read Jim Caple? I thought he was just there for filler.

Bronson

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

KOGOD — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:36:27 EDT

Johnny D- i loved Viking Quest...how about a "Victory" cry?

KOGOD

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AwfulAnnouncing — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:34:43 EDT

Ha great call Johnny D.

AwfulAnnouncing

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dsw1977 — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:34:13 EDT

Skank - re: flying elvii, it's simple, really. "The helmet image resembles an airborne Elvis."

http://www.superbowl.com/news/story/9199036

dsw1977

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Unsilent9 — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:33:53 EDT

criminal..t looks like he tilted the earth off it's axis right before flash

Unsilent9

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Unsilent9 — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:32:51 EDT

dj gallo is the true saving grace at page2 right now. simmons is the legend but gallo's articles have been more consistantly entertaining.

Unsilent9

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Rob Iracane — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:32:28 EDT

-1 Paper Cut Caple

Rob Iracane

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Skittles and lox empanada — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:31:50 EDT

No Poppi! Noooooooooooo!!

Skittles and lox empanada

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Paper Cut — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:28:16 EDT

And no, I am not Jim Caple.

Paper Cut

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Paper Cut — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:27:18 EDT

Rob,
You do know there is a part 2 already. Check out www.jimcaple.com. Something about a summer abroad.

Paper Cut

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Criminal Appeal — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:27:16 EDT

Suss--, I'm with you on the Gallo thing. I scan Page 2 to see if Gallo, Simmons or Easterbrook have anything new, then I move on. The only one I get all the way through usually is Gallo.

BTW, has anyone else noticed that Whitlock's weight appears to have tipped the entire room towards him in that picture?

Criminal Appeal

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Spectacular Sam — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:25:13 EDT

You're with Whitlock, leather.

Spectacular Sam

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Johnny D — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:24:36 EDT

I agree, Wiley was never meant to write commentary for a back-door website that prints everything on yellow.

Simmons is kicking himself for not getting out sooner. Now he just looks like Screech.

Johnny D

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Matt Sussman — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:24:21 EDT

coughdjgallocough

Matt Sussman

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

The Chin — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:23:39 EDT

I'm still trying to figure out what happened to Page 3.

The Chin

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jake(ymon) — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:23:38 EDT

Drew - I hear you; but at least he had a voice - and his books are still some of the best around.

jake(ymon)

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SA — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:23:33 EDT

That picture makes me want to cry.

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Roy Keane — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:22:23 EDT

Ralph Wiley and Hunter S. Thompson didn't die - they're hiding underneath Whitlocks tits.

Roy Keane

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

jake(ymon) — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:21:23 EDT

RIP Ralph Wiley.

jake(ymon)

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Drew Magary — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:18:59 EDT

Am I the only who thought that Wiley's Page 2 articles were kind of shitty?

Oh, and that couch has the ass, big time.

Drew Magary

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Skanktopus — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:18:24 EDT

Question : What happens to TMQ? I hope TMQ is there forever. Easterbrook, your 16-page encyclopedics are all that keep me going on the treadmill.

Of course, you might want to start using team names. Jersey/A and Jersey/B makes sense, but "The flying Elvii" for the patriots? Can somebody explain that to me? Next column will be in teh l33t, I hear

Skanktopus

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PaulU — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:17:32 EDT

So he's still gonna be on ESPN shows? Good, because nobody reads a teleprompter while co-hosting "Rome is Burning" quite like old Whitlock.

PaulU

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

KOGOD — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:17:24 EDT

Mugsy, you may want to take a second look at your copy of the "new" testament

KOGOD

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Hot Carl Monday — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:16:49 EDT

I don't feel like that's $10 well spent.

Hot Carl Monday

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bizzo5000 — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:16:43 EDT

Once .com looses Buster Onley, there is no reason for the site anymore.

bizzo5000

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The Great American Placekicker — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:15:40 EDT

Coach Cantifio? Yeah, I think Jason here's lost his personal pride. You seem to be, uh... you sound like a specialist in those things. Have a presentation for Jason, or is that... no? Nothing? No reels of his good columns? Oh, he never had any? Oh... oh, boy. Okay. Please don't hurt me, sir, the door's on your left. Please just... go.

The Great American Placekicker

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Rob Iracane — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:15:01 EDT

As long as Jim Caple is still employed by the WWL, we can still hold out our hopes for a second installment of 24 College Avenue.

Rob Iracane

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

MDT — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:14:43 EDT

You know, if we get like, 30 commenters to kick in $10 apiece, we could probably buy Page 2. Who's with me?

MDT

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Hot Carl Monday — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:14:39 EDT

Glad I could make your day, Rob.

Hot Carl Monday

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muggsybogues — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:14:34 EDT

R.I.P. HST

muggsybogues

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KOGOD — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:14:12 EDT

According to my sources Whitlock's new roll will be to referee all fights between jamie and chris mottram

KOGOD

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Spectacular Sam — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:14:04 EDT

David Spade can keep a show alive?

Spectacular Sam

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:14:01 EDT

Speaking of Witless, did anybody besides me read the dreck that is his most recent column? One of the "truthes" about the NFL that now that Peyton had lost his happy feet, the Colts were now favorites to win the Superbowl. First of all, since when is happy feet/lack of poise the thing we critisize Peyton about. And what I saw from the Colts was a team who can't run the ball or stop the run, which is not a recipie for success in the playoffs agianst the Steelers et al. Still, the most suprising thing about the column whas he didn't mention Jeff George.

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

BigRicks — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:13:31 EDT

Jaguars fans hate black quarterbacks

BigRicks

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Larry Bird Flu — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:13:06 EDT

That's how I felt about Eddie Vedder in 1994 - that he'd top himself. And here he is, playing all over the world, while the likes of Cobain and Staley have been dead for about 10 years each.

Larry Bird Flu

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Mr. Poon — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:13:05 EDT

Judging by his appearance on Colbert, Simmons won't be leaving anytime soon.

Mr. Poon

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Captain Caveman — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:12:53 EDT

Page 2's next columnist:

The mysterious "Drew M."

Captain Caveman

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Rob Iracane — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:12:38 EDT

Hot Carl just compared Simmons to Spade. I can't possibly be happier with that.

Rob Iracane

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

BigRicks — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:12:27 EDT

Whitlock punishing that leather couch is like black on black violence, but with Cows

BigRicks

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goathair — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:12:18 EDT

He's probably helping Jeff George get ready for another 1 week contract that includes no actual playing time.

goathair

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Sh!tShow — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:12:14 EDT

True that Will, but I heard that after signing Wiley and Thompson, Simmons would have put Death over the Cap.

Sh!tShow

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MDT — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:11:40 EDT

After a long day of fellating Jeff George, sometimes you just need a La-Z-Boy.

MDT

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The Dude — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:11:09 EDT

There's a couch in that picture? Oh yea! There it is!

The Dude

That's All For Whitlock At Page 2

Hot Carl Monday — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:11:06 EDT

This reminds me of when Chris Rock, Adam Sandler, Chris Farley, Phil Hartman and Mike Meyers all bolted SNL and poor David Spade was left keeping the show alive.

If they're going to keep this thing alive, new blood needs to come in soon. Maybe we should all update our resumes.

Hot Carl Monday

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The Great American Placekicker — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:11:05 EDT

Does this mean more Whitlock at the KC Star?

Think about that large man all focused on one place, and you'll begin to understand the grief I feel.

The Great American Placekicker

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Spectacular Sam — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:10:55 EDT

You can't see it, but he is actually sitting on Scoop Jackson.

Spectacular Sam

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KOGOD — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:10:41 EDT

i think i just swallowed my tongue laughing at drew...is that possible?

KOGOD

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Logical Negativist — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:09:04 EDT

I heard they were all mad that Page 3 didnt get pushed more.

Logical Negativist

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Drew Magary — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 15:08:46 EDT

THAT COUCH CAN'T BREATHE!!!!

Drew Magary