If you could assemble a superstar, Frankenstein-style, from Andrews's patients, it would have repaired knees from quarterbacks Peyton Manning and Donovan McNabb; a hip from dual-sports sensation Bo Jackson; shoulders from Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley; and elbows from the New York Yankees' Andy Pettitte and the Chicago Cubs' Kerry Wood. "I've always liked fixing people," Andrews says. "I want to get these athletes back to doing what they did before."

Andrews is 66, owns a private jet and his own minor league baseball team, brings in $60 million in revenue every year, was once an SEC champion pole-vaulter at LSU, and greets every athlete, no matter how famous or talented, by saying, "Hey, big man." Some great paragraphs from an article you absolutely have to read.

Because Andrews treats players on nearly every team and in nearly every sport, his reach is greater than that of any athlete, coach, or even commissioner. The totality of his work — redirecting careers, changing the fortunes of teams, even cities — makes a compelling case that he's one of the most influential figures in all of sports.

How much money has Andrews made for players by extending their careers?

Only a fraction of his patients have been identified in published reports. In an analysis of 40 baseball players who are known patients and whose salaries could be obtained, Andrews's career-extending work has led them to garner almost $1.3 billion in guaranteed money. Ten NFL quarterbacks whom Andrews treated went on to secure more than $333 million in contracts.

"Doc saved my career," says Brees, one of those QBs. "What he was able to do with my shoulder was truly amazing."

Read the article. Even though it's long and Fast Company has broken it up into 9 pages without a view all pages tab. Bill the time to "legal research regarding advanced procedures." Thank me later.

The most valuable player in sports: James Andrews [Fast Company]
Meet James Andrews [My Hogtown]

"When high profile athletes publicly display unhealthful habits they can mislead young people to emulate their behavior. According to the American Cancer Society tobacco use in this country is responsible for (one-third) of all cancers and remains the most preventable cause of death in our society. 8.6 million Americans suffer from chronic smoking-related disease. Since 1964 smoking has cause more than 12 million premature deaths in the U.S."

Yes, smoking is horrible and wrecks people's lives, but still — it's Michael Jordan. His positive influence on young people seems to far outweigh his "unhealthful habits" he's publicly displayed. Think of what he's done for all of the up-and-coming bookies in his lifetime?

Michael Jordan: America's #1 Cause Of Cancer [SBB]
American Cancer Society Goes After Michael Jordan [Game On]

Now that Bacon and Cuba Gooding Jr. have had enough, it looks like Jordan has a new underwear pal.

Actor Charlie Sheen, known for his antics in and out of clothes, will appear in a TV ad campaign with Michael Jordan for Hanes Underwear starting next month.



"I had a great time working on the campaign," Sheen said in a statement. "It's nice to poke fun at yourself, sell great products and work with a legend—not much to complain about in a day's work."

This is not the Jordan and Sheen have crossed paths. And, uh, we suspect there was probably a lady or two who they might have shared over the years. Just a guess.

Hanes Commercials: Michael Jordan's True Legacy [The Howeva Files]

So, the Bobcats blogs must be all a-twitter today, right?

• Queen City Hoops: Last update: April 17.
• Bobcats Report: Last update: October 8, 2007.
• Bobcat Bonfire: Last update: April 16.
• Bobcats Locker: Last update: March 28.

Who says Michael Jordan hasn't revitalized the NBA in Charlotte?

We don't want to give away the winner, but we will remind you that this Michael Jordan moment is being broadcast by Dick Van Patten. Television production values were so much higher in the '80s; we've degraded so much.

Michael Jordan Vs. Charlie And Martin Sheen [NESW Sports]

Yes, this is supposedly the bed on which his Airness laid his weary head on night after night in the beginning of his career, except during Bulls' away games, family vacations and hoochie-and-cigar-filled gambling jags. Right now, the bid is at a very symbolic $23. If you are lucky enough to win this, you'll be in charge of pick-up, delivery and ridding the sheets of remarkable slow-twitch muscle fiber DNA — or not.

Michael Jordan Waterbed from Old Chicago Residence [eBay]

Anyway, it sure is nice to hear Bill Raftery and Jay Bilas again, isn't it? Oh, and the Broncos won, and Mr. Mexico is in jail. More tomorrow.

According to the Times UK, Jordan's divorce settlement is going to come out to about $168 million. That's the most expensive celebrity divorce of all time.

Last December, when Jordan, 44, and his wife Juanita, 48, split up, the athlete balked at signing the settlement. Insiders claim that negotiations have added £20m to the final deal.

The final severance package for Juanita Jordan, which includes the couple's seven-acre estate in Chicago and custody of their three children, is expected to be agreed before the first anniversary of their last row - which was said to be about money.

Yesterday, Jordan's son Jeffrey made his debut for the Illini basketball team, missing a shot and committing a turnover in a win over Northeastern. Jeffrey is a walk-on in Champaign, but if this divorce business keeps up, Michael's gonna need a scholarship for this kid. So it might help for you to drop a jumper at some point, Jeff.

MJ Might Wanna Think About Another Comeback [Deuce Of Davenport]

It looks like Jordan's son Jeffrey is going to be walking on for the Illini.

Michael Jordan's son, Jeff, is expected to announce he will attend Illinois as a preferred walk-on and enroll for the summer session that begins June 11, a university source said Thursday.

According to the source, "Jeff Jordan has applied and was accepted. All indications are that he will enroll for the summer session. We're expecting he will make the announcement very soon."

We can't imagine what it would have been like, when we were in school, if Michael Jordan kept showing up on our campus to watch his son "play." We guarantee it would have assured us even fewer girls.

(Face)book It: Illini Jordan's Preferred Choice [Chicago Tribune]
Take A Number To Grind With MJ [Deadspin]

This photo, taken in Cabo San Lucas just a few weeks ago, proves once again that Michael Jordan, even years after retirement, continues to display the true heart of a champion. You have to admire a guy who isn't afraid to bump and grind while still smoking a cigar.

"The kid who may present that, (versatility) is the kid in Texas. (He) may have that because he has all the right signs."

This was a nice comment from the greatest player in NBA history, sort of a coronation type of thing. But — and we totally forgot this, and we suspect he did too — Jordan is the "president" of the "Charlotte Bobcats" (really!) and was fined for discussing a player who hasn't declared for the draft yet. It's $15 grand, which we suspect Jordan can handle, but it is amusing that so few people consider Jordan an actual executive that it didn't even occur to us that he could be fined in the same way that Danny Ainge was fined. That's right! He's an executive! Oh yeah!

Now, if only the league will look into those Kevin Bacon tampering charges.

MJ Fined One Blackjack Hand [West Side Slant]

Mike and I have a brief conversation regarding this and some how he knew that these words may be coming out and said, "I have nothing to hide." So, interestingly enough instead of trying to appease me quietly and help pay for some of the damages, I guess he expected me to pen a book about him.

It's a lot of stuff like that. We particularly enjoyed the part where she claims someone stole her horse because of her affair with Jordan. When you're messing with a woman's horse, that's when you know it's serious. He answers to the name "Diamond," by the way.

Michael Jordan's Mistress

Anyway, Michael Jordan and his wife of 17 years and six championships, Juanita, officially filed for divorce today. So far there's no reason stated for the divorce, other than the fact that they both are saying it's "amicable", which one can only assume means, "she's getting a sweet settlement". It's also safe to say that Jordan and Oak will soon be embarking upon a beaver poaching tour of epic proportions. Those rustling noises you hear are the sounds of millions of opportunistic vaginas twitching simultaneously.

Michael Jordan, Wife Divorce After 17 Years [USA Today]

So here's our question: Uh, isn't Michael Jordan supposedly running this team? He is, after all, the "managing member of basketball operations," second on the executive depth chart behind the owner. We know that reports have revealed that Jordan has little to do with the day-to-day running of the franchise — preferring, apparently, to chat with Tiger Woods' wife — but, jeez, if they're paying the guy, isn't this the time to step up and, you know, say something? Sending Allen Iverson to Charlotte is one thing; sending him off to Team Up With Michael Jordan is another all together. But it was Bernie Bickerstaff who answered all the questions yesterday; Jordan was nowhere to be found. We are curious what the heck Jordan is doing over there; has he even been to a game yet? Does he know Adam Morrison, or does he just refer to him as "that sissy who's bawling all the time?" What's going on down there?

No No-Trade Contract? No Problem For The Answer [ESPN]
Bobcats Executive Bios [NBA.com]

Now comes the news — OK, rumor, really, courtesy of the gossipy-yet-scenic Lake Tahoe Mountain News — that the tournament's conspicuous lack of Jordan was due to what we suspected all along; his enormous gambling Jones. Jordan, said the paper, was not welcome back at Harrah's casino (which co-sponsors the event and provides lodging for the celebrity participants) until he had paid his tab from last year. Which is probably mighty considerable, and most likely consists primarily of poker and blackjack losses. And which he refused to do. We imagine we're talking Charles Barkley dollars here, only with larger smaller tips.

Oh, and the paper also recounted the story — again, couched with the rumor tag — of how Harrah's sent a large "collection agent" named Taco to Sacramento (about 100 miles from Tahoe) to collect a similar debt from Chris Webber. How did that episode go? Well, Webber was in attendance at the tournament this year.

Tahoe Celebrity Golf; A Look Back [Deadspin]
Jordan Cites Personal Reasons For Withdrawing From ACC [Tahoe Daily Tribune]

Oh, and that Ben Roethlisberger is going to be in attendance, unveiling his new face for the first time in public. He'll mingle with American Century regulars such as John Elway, Michael Jordan and Steve Spurrier. Plus, Maury Povich and Cheech Marin will be there. And just for laughs, Dan Quayle. We hear that they tried to get Carl Monday, but he was busy, digging out gophers.

Plus, as always, heaping, gratuitous doses of Charles Barkley, whom we have seen in action with a golf club. We'd suggest that Big Ben wear a helmet.

Update: Lance Armstrong has just been added to the field. Sweet.

Tee Time For Big Ben [SI.com]
American Century Championship
Armstrong One Of Many New Faces At Golf Tournament [Tahoe Daily Tribune]

Plenty of people have trouble staying away from work and "retiring." It's commonplace these days to stop the career job and embark on a second one soon after. Whether for money, boredom or a spiritual quest for inner peace, there seems to be a number of people who just have a real hard time staying retired. Except for coal miners. They seem pretty content to stay put once they're done.

Jose Canseco's return to semi-professional baseball inspired hope. Not just in former steroid users/authors/reality stars everywhere, but former athletes as well. If you stuck an ear to the ground during the not-so-unceremonious return and subsequent trade of America's favorite lunkheaded Cuban eunuch, you could hear the wistful longing of players whom may have retired/re-retired too quickly.

Lucky for you, I've sat down with my handy magical handicapping aggregator, a crystal ball and a box of Fig Newtons to give you a crop of athletes who might make a comeback and their subsequent odds of return. Please, jump with me.

Rickey Henderson: 1/1

After semi-officially "retiring" from the Surf Dawgs last year, the Rickeycanstillplay drum started to beat a little louder after the Subway Series. The close-up shot of a mumbling Rickey in the stands, dressed in cabana wear, sporting a tastefully subtle 1,406 diamond necklace was just the build up — the interview is what really mattered: He still insists he can play in the major leagues. A couple more Yankee outfielders go down, and we'll see what happens. Regardless, it's a strong bet that he'll show up on a roster somewhere in 2007, back to analyzing his swing in the nude and gushing over his love of fine cuisine.

Mike Tyson : 2/1

Tyson is the Guns 'N Roses of professional athletes. Those who grew up during his dominance in the ring (and on NES) still have a soft spot Iron Mike's lunacy and sheer power. And regardless of what shape he's in, what comes out of his mouth, how despicable and odd his behavior may be, if you put Tyson in the ring with anybody, it's a pay-per-view event and a lot of people are buying. Regardless of whether or not he can throw a punch or not, there's always the sense that something is going to go terribly, terribly wrong when he fights. With a heavyweight division that is still in search of personality and life, throw enough money at Iron Mike and he'll step back into the ring. Even if he has to fight a black bear, a baby elephant or Buckethead.

Dennis Rodman: 3/1

He's on the back end of 40 and boozes it up like a young Hollywood starlet (then subsequently bangs them), but, if anything, his body has displayed a remarkable ability to bounce back regardless of how much he incrementally abuses it. And, regardless of what people think of him personally, there's still a small section of the population willing to pay to see him play. So, every day is an opportunity for Rodman to latch on to a small market professional basketball team somewhere on the planet — or other sport where his services could be put to use, like, say, the UFC. Tell me you wouldn't pay to see Rodzilla take on Tim Sylvia in the Octagon? Or Vlade Divac even? Actually, that fight should totally happen ...

Michael Jordan: 6/1

Don't be fooled by the suit. We've seen it before. And the Charlotte Bobcats are a perfect place for Jordan 4.0 to launch. Up-and-coming team, little visibility, the lack of a true gamebreaker — and the same exact facial hair as Adam Morrison. It's a long shot, but not for lack of shape or cigar lungs; it's the pride thing. After the not-so-heroic return to the NBA court with the Wizards and the realization that he turned Kwame Brown into his personal Private Pyle, he may be a little more hesitant to hop back into the Nikes this season. But if the Bobcats start losing close games, this line bumps a bit.

Barry Sanders 8/1

Although he's a little chubbier, close to 40 and still has the demeanor of a man who's been de-programmed, Sanders may still have a little juke left in him. His stature could be an advantage at this stage, given that his elusiveness was what made him so tricky to take down as opposed to his speed. Plus, he's heavily vested in an Oklahoma bank. Interest rate hikes will probably put a damper on the wallet, and there are mouths to feed. A quick one-year contract as a back-up on a team searching for running back depth is not plausible, but not impossible.

Not so, says Allen Heckard, who is suing both Jordan and Nike for "defamation and permanent injury and emotional pain and suffering."

"I figure if I'm out in public and around a lot of people at least three or four times out of a crowd ...and like I was at the Blues Festival and you could see people they was pointing at me," he said. Some might wonder how he decided to sue Knight and Jordan for $416-million each. "Well, you figure with my age and you multiply that times seven and ah, then I turn around and ah I figure that's what it all boils down to."

We find it most amusing that Heckard is including Nike in the lawsuit for "promoting Jordan and making him one of the most recognized men in the world." It is rare that the product of Jordan is so succinctly described; we have people we know who, by comparison, could very easily sue Nike because of their facial similarity to a shoe.

Local Man Sues Jordan, Nike For Resemblance [KGW]

Thomas, of course, is a national joke, a guy for whom sexual harassment allegations are a welcome distraction from the daily idiocy of his workday. And, if you remember, Jordan wasn't exactly Red Auerbach during his tenure with the Washington Wizards. He completely messed that team up, and jeez, did you see what he did with the player Michael Jordan? Who was that guy?

And now he's back, with the Charlotte Bobcats, as part-owner and head of basketball operations. We're not sure how we feel about this, because we've been so conditioned by Jordan's playing career that we are stunned that he's not as dominant at the rest of the world than he once was at basketball. For a joke, though, we think he should trade for Kwame Brown, just to watch him cry.

Michael's Back ... Uh, That's Nice [The Sports Hookup]

But here's why I'm not buying it: #3 on the list is Brett Favre, #7 is Kobe Bryant, and #10 is Barry Bonds. That pretty much annihilates all the credibility of the poll, does it not? Did they conduct this poll exclusively among steroid-abusing prison inmates in the states of Mississippi and Wisconsin that are directly related to Babe Ruth?

How does Barry Bonds crack this list? I don't get it. I personally don't loathe the man, but I can't go an hour without hearing from someone who does. Did he pull a baby out of a well or capture Osama bin Laden sometime this week when I wasn't looking?

According to the Harris website, the poll was conducted among a random sample of 2,085 people across the country. And hey, maybe I'm wrapped up a little bit too tightly in the sports blogosphere to see outside of it. Maybe the general public isn't as sickened by these guys as most people in our little world here seem to be. I could see that with Brett Favre. But Barry Bonds? How? HOW?

Tiger Woods Becomes Nation's Favorite Sports Star [Harris Interactive]

So we're just going to let you know about this story because we think it's interesting and worthwhile and cross our fingers that it doesn't turn into some vitriolic debate. OK? Because, politics or anything else aside, we find it kind of impossible not to admire James Jordan, Michael's brother.

James just retired after 31 years in the military, which is one more than he was required to serve; he stayed on one extra year when his unit was deployed to Iraq. That year is over, and now he's coming home.

For a guy who ended up about a foot shorter than his brother, we think he's kind of more than proven his mettle. But hey: Insurgents buy shoes too.

OK. We're the son of an Air Force guy. That comes out sometimes.

Michael Jordan's Brother Big Brother Ends Army Career [Charlotte Observer]

Magic's role would be to run the business side of things, Michael would be completely in charge of basketball, and Barkley would "handle the sponsors and dealing with people." We know Magic can make money, and there's no doubt that Barkley could take a sponsor out and show them a good time. The only question would be MJ, and, well, you know... it's not like we can just forget that his stint with the Wizards happened.

Still, though, for an opposing player, to see Magic, MJ, and Charles strolling into your building, laughing, chatting, and smoking cigars, that might just scare the hell out of some younger players. And you know that Charles Oakley is going to be involved somehow. That intimidation by itself would be worth 10-20 wins a year for whatever hypothetical team they'd end up buying.

NBA royalty running a team? It could happen [Chicago Tribune]

We know it's not random YouTube Wednesday — that makes it sound like a radio promotion, doesn't it? — but this was too delicious not to post. We don't remember that old cartoon show in the early '90s called "Pro Stars," but it apparently featured animated versions of Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and Bo Jackson doing what they do best: Fighting crime!

They live in a gym, apparently live in lockers and have special crime-fighting skills that are, fortuitously, directly related to their athletic talents. We are actually disappointed they didn't have this in the late '90s, with Bonds, McGwire and Sosa.

But as Michael says: It's all about ... helpin' kids!

Pro Stars Intro [YouTube]

It's a semi-famous video of Michael Jordan freaking Charles Barkley at a club in Las Vegas. And it's not just freaking, actually; they really do seem to be getting a little Chesnning action going on.

The news peg for Gawker is that Barkley was on "The Daily Show" last night. The news peg for us is that any time Michael Jordan gets nasty with a guy on the dance floor, well, we're just gonna have to keep bringing it up.

Charles Barkley, Versatile Baller [Gawker]

As Erick Gonzales of Union City told the San Francisco Chronicle: "When you love a shoe or a woman, you go to great lengths for them. Shoes and women are the most satisfying things in the world."

Judging from Gonzales' place in line — near the end — we suspect that he had very little luck with either that weekend.

Fans Line Up For Designer Nikes [SF Gate]

People are buzzing about Lawrence Taylor's bizarre behavior at Prime 112 last week. He reached for a bottle from the wrong table, approached Michael Jordan's table and loudly yelled, "Ladies and gentleman, Michael Jordan!" An embarrassed Jordan put his head in his hands. Charles Oakley tried to settle down L.T.

First off, we like the idea of Oak still hanging around Jordan, setting picks, clubbing anyone who gets too close to his table. And our man LT! MJD brings up the notion of a Oakley-LT fight, giving the edge (as we do) to LT, depending on "amount of crack coursing through LT s veins at that particular moment." Honestly, these guys are going to be whacking people with their canes in the year 2035, and it's gonna be fantastic.

We Hear ... [Miami Herald] (via The Mighty MJD)

That said, today's two stories involve fan-initiated run-ins that turned out for the best. The first involves an elevator, Michael Jordan and J. King from Chicago.

Getting on an elevator, circa 1992. Look up to see Michael Jordan waiting on the elevator with a friend. We make eye contact, I give him a quick head nod. As the elevator is descending, I'm thinking how I can't blow this and need to throw something out there. I jump in with both feet: "Say, don't I know you from somewhere?" Jordan looks at me, surprisingly not as annoyed as I'd be if I were him. I continue: "Yeah, I definitely know you. Aren't you on that basketball team with Cliff Levingston?" Jordan smiled the smile that launched 1,000 commercials, and I walked away thinking, "Yeah, I still blew that."

Okay, so he didn't do anything crazy, but that ain't a bad run-in — getting a smile from the man? And I didn't even have to go double-or-nothing with him.

Athlete Run-Ins: Cleaning Up Bonds' Mess [Deadspin]

This will make everyone's day. It's an blooper audio file of Jordan trying to say the simple phrase, "Gatorade. Is it in you?" over and over and over ... and continuously failing. It's the funniest thing you'll hear all day. Listen to it. We implore you.

Jordan Audio Blooper File [Wizznutzz] (via Mr. Irrelevant)
Danas Back! yay SNaP! [Wizznutzz]

As Jordan promotes the "book" he "wrote," The Washington Times rips him for ruining the Wizards and pretending like he's some sort of victim. Quoth:

This is a transparent attempt to restore his viability as a basketball executive after a disappointing tenure with the Wizards. He certainly built no compelling front-office legacy with the Wizards.

Black Athlete Sports Network hits him even harder, saying, "Michael Jordan's life [outside of sports] is rather uneventful. The typical type of profile of a wealthy guy in his 40s. He has some business interests. Enjoys the finer things his success provides him. He plays golf. Good things happen in his life. Bad things happen in his life. He has his family life good bad or indifferent. Or Questionable. But there's nothing else there. No dramatic causes."

We agree, and we also think Jordan's whole gambling problems were a million times worse than anybody knows. But we're still scared of the guy: We fear his retribution as much as ever. Something about that guy ... we still think he could murder us via jump shot.

Memo To Young, Arrogant Players [True Hoop]
Michael Jordan's New Book [Black Athlete Sports Network]

(By the way, we could look at that photo all day.)

We do always enjoy how Jordan pops up every year or so, reminding us that he's Michael Jordan so you BETTER SHOW SOME GODDAMNED RESPECT. How much respect does CBS' official site for "60 Minutes" have for Jordan?

We dunno, you tell us.

Oh, by the way, we still believe the suspended-a-year-for-gambling story. Just in case you think we forgot.

Jordan On Gambling: "I Was Stupid" [CBS News]

Seriously: It's exactly what we just said in the headline.

Michael Jordan Freaks Charles Barkley [Gorilla Mask, via Silver Jacket] (VIDEO)

Best part of this story: SportsCenter this morning attributed this story as "as told to ESPN Hollywood." Yeah. We're sure Mario Lopez was burning up the phone lines.

Jordan Part Of Arson Investigation [MSNBC]

1. Michael Jordan
2. Joe Montana
3. Nolan Ryan
4. Tiger Woods
5. Brett Favre
6. John Madden
7. Jerry Rice
8. David Robinson
9. Wayne Gretzky
10. Cal Ripken, Jr.

Look at that list again. Three active athletes, one in his prime, one with probably one year before retirement and one whom everyone is begging to retire. We get a feeling Jordan might be No. 1 years after his death.

SportsBusiness Journal