So here's the interview. And as one might imagine, the Sun-Times is having a lot of fun with this. Over at their Sports Pros(e) blog, Kevin Allen has uncovered Schollmeyer's Facebook page. Take a look:

Allen and I agree that this is our favorite portion of the interview:

MA: Describe Jay Mariotti the coworker.
JM: I'm the best teammate you'll ever have — if you're in this business for the right reasons. If you're a columnist who's lazy, boring, political, doesn't write the tough piece, you'll hate me. If you're a beat writer who courts the favor of the people you cover and knows more than you report, you'll hate me. If you're an editor who doesn't have vision and guts, you'll hate me. But if you care and have a soul, we'll get along great."

I don't know why this just occurred to me, but I suddenly realized that both Jay Mariotti and Dennis Miller are natives of Pittsburgh. Make of that what you will.

Local Writer Pens Love Letter To Former Sun-Times Columnist Jay Mariotti [Chicago Sun-Times]
Mariotti Unplugged [Michigan Avenue]

But what would transpire between these two bitter rivals in the aftermath should they run into each other somewhere in a non-work environment? You know, like, in a sauna.

This is not slash fiction:

“I was taking a sauna, which I do like once every ten years, and who walks in but Jay Mariotti. I swear to God. If God is my savior, if he is (he probably doesn’t want to save me, but) there he was. He almost freaked out. There were other people in the sauna. I probably shouldn’t even go on about this, but it was an hour ago. It was one hour ago, and he just started babbling.

I don’t think it’s fair for me...I’m telling you so much...it’s just surreal. I think if my eyes don’t deceive me, if he’d seen the Yeti or...Michael Myers sitting there, I don’t know, it would have been about the same. But you’d have to ask him that.

The first thing out of his mouth, ‘well, let’s just bury the hatchet.’ I had not said a word. Hatchets or anything – I didn’t have a hatchet in hand. Nothing.”

Telander didn't go on to say if this chance encounter resulted in an "Eastern Promises"-style throw-down or if the metaphorical hatchet was buried, but the surreality of this scenario even taking place trumps all possible outcomes. Well, maybe not the nude knife-fight one but still...

Rick Telander [On The DL]

There should, mercifully, be no further chapters in this epic, since the word is coming from the Chicago Tribune itself:

Mariotti and Tribune "talked about television, about the Internet, about the newspaper,'' he said. Mariotti said that discussions about working for Tribune Co.'s Chicago Tribune newspaper became a stumbling block. "The Sun-Times' lawyer threatened me with a lawsuit in 64-point type. Things sort of stalled,'' he added.

"At one point last week, there were lawyers on both sides looking into this,'' Mariotti said. "It's daunting to put together a deal. This [lawyer's letter] got thrown out in the middle of everything. We both decided that we can't do what we wanted to do.'' Sources at Tribune Co. confirmed conversations with Mariotti had been held, but Chicago Tribune Editor Gerould Kern would only say late Tuesday that "we have no plans to hire Jay Mariotti.''

First of all it's good to know that the Chicago Tribune writer here, Jim Kirk, has "sources within the Tribune Co." That's some mighty fine reportin' there, Lou. Secondly, are we sure that the reason the talks fell through was because someone got a letter from a lawyer? Wasn't that the first thing they should have been expecting? More believable would have been this scenario: "Tribune editorial staffers threatened to quit en masse if Mariotti was ever seen within a mile of the newsroom, and in addition vowed to loot and destroy Sam Zell's house like Tara in Gone With the Wind. Therefore, we have no plans to hire Jay Mariotti."

Evidently there were strategies in place to circumvent the Sun-Tiimes' no-compete clause. But Mariotti's prospective hiring was so distasteful to Tribune editorial employees — especially in light of recent layoffs at the paper — that Zell and his apprentices, Darth Michaels and Grand Mof Abrams, may have been moved to abandon the plan.

Anyway, Chicago's suffereing may be over, but America's certainly has not. The Tribune story ends with this chilling sentence: Mariotti, who continues his regular stint on ESPN's "Around the Horn,'' said that he is talking with other national media outlets.

Could he be coming to your town? To your local newspaper? Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Former Sun-Times Columnist Mariotti Not Joining Tribune [Chicago Tribune]

Says our tipster:

"I'm told that it's a matter of when, not if. It appears that Mariotti has a pretty strict non-compete clause, but they have lawyers working very hard to get around it. It is definitely being driven by the new regime, and not the newspaper people. Lee Abrams and Randy McMichael as the drivers, with no mention of Sam Zell, but that certainly doesn’t indicate he’s not involved. Word is that these guys want a provocative “shock jock” type as in radio (Abrams’s influence, apparently), and there is absolutely no regard for journalistic tenets, or Mariotti’s standing among colleagues and those he covers.

And then there's this from Chi-ball:

Sources told Chi-Ball something could happen by Monday on the Marriotti front. Interest in him is coming straight from the top, Sam Zell, Lee Abrams, etc., not from the people who are responsible for the day to day paper. They (Trib) are looking into his contract to see if there is any way he could be in the paper as well as on the internet. There are a lot of ticked off people about this, especially considering the Trib just trimmed 80 people. Now Marriotti is probably going to come in as a highly paid star.

This should get very interesting. The ball's in your court, Ozzie Guillen.

Sources: Decision On Mariotti Could Come Monday [Chi-ball]

From the Chi-ball blog, from which we linked this morning:

Sources tell Chi-ball that Jay Mariotti has had talks with the Chicago Tribune. Mariotti, can not write for another newspaper until his contract runs out with the Chicago Sun-Times. There is nothing however stopping the Trib from hiring the controversial Mariotti to be strictly an internet columnist. According to the source, this would not be a popular move within the Tribune staff .

Said one Deadspin emailer: "People at the Trib have heard this rumor just like the rest of us, and it has definitely been a cause for concern for the staff. I would say more people believe it to be true than not. ... Either this is being handled at a very high level (and/or is being compartmentalized as some sort of web-only deal) by one of the Zell-ots, or it isn’t happening at all. If it does in fact happen, expect resignations."

Just to add to the speculation, Rahula Strohl's sports media blog in the Tribune had this account of Monday's Around the Horn:

"Mariotti "won" the show and in his final face time, called himself "between newspaper jobs." Wait, didn't he say that newspapers were dead?

Earlier in the show Mariotti was discussing the Bears' upset of the Colts, and said: "Three Chicago teams in first place at once, that is shellshocking." Reali's reply: "Wish we had a writer who wrote in Chicago."

Mariotti To Tribune? [Chi-ball]

From Craigslist:

WANTED
GEEK WITH STYLE
AND A PASSION FOR SPORTS

Major national sports personality website is looking for a talented webmaster/designer. Our goal is to have the most exciting, fun, engaging website that brings sports fans to the outstanding and unique content and information that they desire. We have the resources, you have the skills to take our brand and bring it to the web in a clean, creative, easy to navigate and exciting manner. This is an in-office full-time position.
Skills:
You should be proficient in Photoshop, Dreamweaver, Fireworks, Flash, Streaming Audio/Video, Audio/Video On Demand, HTML,XML, CSS.
Experience:
3-5 years web design, content management, preferably in a sports environment
Your personality:
The outstanding candidate will be eager to share an impressive portfolio of web design, examples of proactively contributing to team goals, enthusiasm for a fast paced environment and love hard work and fun!

Some items that were left out:

• Candidate must be familiar with area dry cleaning locations, and be an experienced dog walker.

• Be prepared to deal with violent mood swings, unreasonable requests, rants concerning airline food.

• Occasional whippings.

• May be required to write a column as many as three times a week.

• Good grooming a must.

Sports Web Design (Chicago) [Craigslist]

Titled : "An open letter to sports columnist Jay Mariotti, who resigned from the Sun-Times and lashed out during a TV interview announcing that newspapers were dead."

Read along, after the jump.

Dear Jay,

What an ugly way to leave the Sun-Times. It does not speak well for you. Your timing was exquisite. You signed a new contract, waited until days after the newspaper had paid for your trip to Beijing at great cost, and then resigned with a two-word e-mail: "I quit." You saved your explanation for a local television station.

As someone who was working here for 24 years before you arrived, I think you owed us more than that. You owed us decency. The fact that you saved your attack for TV only completes our portrait of you as a rat.

Newspapers are not dead, Jay, and this paper will not die because you have left. Times are hard in the newspaper business, and for the economy as a whole. Did you only sign on for the luxury cruise?

There's an old saying that you might have come across once or twice on the sports beat: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

Newspapers are not dead, Jay, because there are still readers who want the whole story, not a sound bite. If you go to work for television, viewers may get a little weary of you shouting at them. You were a great shouter in print, that's for sure, stomping your feet when owners, coaches and players didn't agree with you. It was an entertaining show. Good luck getting one of your 1,000-word rants on the air.

The rest of us are still at work, still putting out the best paper we can. We believe in our profession, and in the future. And we believe in our internet site, which you also whacked as you slithered out the door. I don't know how your column was doing, but we have the most popular sports section in Chicago. The reports and blog entries by our Washington editor Lynn Sweet have become a must-stop for millions of Americans in this election year. After a recent blog entry I wrote about the Beijing Olympics, I woke up at 5 a.m. one morning, when North America was asleep, and found that 40 percent of my 100 most recent visitors had been from China. I don't have any complaints about our web site. So far this month my web page has been visited from almost every country on earth, including one visit from the Vatican City. The Pope, no doubt. Hope you were doing as well.

You have left us, Jay, at a time when the newspaper is once again in the hands of people who love newspapers and love producing them. You managed to stay here through the dark days of the thieves Conrad Black and David Radler. The paper lost millions. Incredibly, we are still paying Black's legal fees.

I started here when Marshall Field and Jim Hoge were running the paper. I stayed through the Rupert Murdoch regime. I was asked, "How can you work for a Murdoch paper?"

My reply was: "It's not his paper. It's my paper. He only owns it."

That's the way I've always felt about the Sun-Times, and I still do. On your way out, don't let the door bang you on the ass.

Your former colleague,

Roger Ebert

Sir:

I wish to inform you that due to recent developments on the Jay Mariotti front, I will now read your newspaper. In fact, I picked one up on the way to work this morning. Not a half-bad rag, I must say. Bully on you.

Regards,

Pete Gaines

Cooke's response?:

Every cloud has silver lining .. and this one is golden.

THANK YOU !

The result? As seen above, a front page banner of a beaming PeteJayhawk on the top of today's Sun-Times. Hilarious.

Of course, Pete wasn't the only reader elated by this news and the Sun-Times decided it was best to share the (mostly) positive reactions toward Mariotti's resignation from its readership.

Cooke's letter to the rest of the Sun-Times staff announcing the Mariotti news was equally giddy. Even though other staff cuts are imminent, the news of Mariotti's departure was treated like the overthrowing of a tyrannical dictator:

We wish Jay well and will miss him — not personally, of course — but in the sense of noticing he is no longer here, at least for a few days.

A paper, like a sports franchise, is something that moves into the future. Stars come and stars go, but the Sun-Times sports section was, is and will continue to be the best in the city.

One question: If Michael Cooke despised Mariotti so much, why didn't he just fire him a long time ago instead of agreeing to that three-year extension in June?

HE GONE: Readers react to Mariotti [Chicago Sun-Times]
Life Without Jay Mariotti [Chicago Reader]

• Our Long Civic Nightmare Is Over. It should come as no shock, given that the paper he works for is about two months away from a toe tag. At the time he signed his new three year contract extension (believed to be worth an absurd $6 million) in June, we joked that it was like Steve Young’s $40 million deal with the LA Express. Jay had better have gotten the money up front. He didn’t, but in the end, he left it all behind anyway. Who knows the real reason? It can’t really be that he sees the Internet as his future. Can it? [Desipio.com]

• Star Sports Columnist Mariotti Suddenly Quits 'Chicago Sun-Times' . The sudden resignation is the latest blow to the personality-driven tabloid. Its most famous writer, film critic Robert Ebert, has been disabled by health problems for the past three years, and its best-known political columnist, Robert Novak, has been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. [Editor & Publisher]

• We Made Him More Famous. To honor the ongoing resurgence of hockey in Chicago, I’m going to call this one a sister-kisser. As a long-time supporter of this site’s mission, I would be remiss to not openly rejoice and celebrate the apparent removal of Jay Mariotti’s name from the Chicago sports landscape. After all, it was not Jay’s lack of professionalism, smug attitude, or annoyingly pervasive careerism that drove most Jay the Jokers to despise the man — it was the fact that his smarmy persona was endorsed and embraced by a well-known masthead entrusted to the city we hold dear to our hearts. But something feels wrong about stepping away from this once-hideous scene and going to have a cocktail or ten. To do so feels as if we would be following in the tepid footsteps of so many cabin-dwelling teens in horror movies, the ones who just knew that, after a brief scare, that noise was just a tree branch and not a hideous monster that was about to hack them all to death. Those kids should always grab the machete and check outside before going upstairs to get it on in the hot tub. But they never do. [Jay The Joke]

• Mariotti Fires Self; Blog Continues Existence Anyways. It's official, people. We finally got it done. Sort of. Not really. He's probably just taking some time off to write a shitty book and moving to Sports Illustrated or something. Anyways, check out that picture in the link: what the fuck is up with that lighting? Is he holding a flashlight against his chest (pointing up at his face) and telling ghost stories? [Fire Jay Mariotti]

• Mariotti Apparently Unaware That Thousands Of Newspapers Are In This "Web Site Business". After intense, thorough research by the investigative branch of the Hernia, we've come to learn these crusty, outdated newspapers that now former print columnist Jay Mariotti speaks of, also have accompanying Web sites, some of which resemble their own newspaper; same colors, same logo and amazingly, even the same writers. Wow. We'd like to personally thank Jay for resigning, otherwise we wouldn't be privy to such interesting, seemingly new information. [The Sports Hernia]

• Jay Mariott: Savvy?. Mariotti has somehow managed to parlay his column writing into some level of sports media celebrity status. So, for him, there’s not much risk in quitting the newspaper business now, despite not having a clear future. In the short run, he can continue to milk ESPN for appearance fees. In the long term, he’ll dupe some site into overpaying him for content as he avoids going down with the newspaper industry. [The Sporting Blog]

• But Who Will Tell Me How Bad Our Teams Suck?. Is today the greatest day in the history of the world? Why yes, yes it is. I'll miss you, Jay. Seriously. I know you may find this hard to believe, but the odds are if it hadn't been for reading you regularly in the Chicago Sun-Times growing up, I never would have gotten into writing about sports. You pissed me off enough that I felt the need to share my own opinion instead of just bitching about yours, so for that, I thank you. Good luck in whatever you do next. [Foul Balls]

Here's Telander's column.

And so Mariotti, showing the maturity he's famous for, calmly assessed the situation and figured he was not going to let it bother him. Just kidding! He threw a fit worthy of a three-year-old. Then this bit of greatness: Mariotti resigned, and then headed to the Sun-Times office to tape his Around the Horn segment, only to find that his security pass had been deactivated while the paper was deciding whether or not to accept the resignation. They finally accepted it. Can't wait to tune in to see if Jay appears on ATH today from a local Starbucks.

Controversial Columnist Jay Mariotti Resigns From Sun-Times [Chicago Tribune]

The Chicago Tribune caught up with Mariotti after he'd sent his letter of resignation to get the skinny on why, after recently signing a lucrative 3-year extension with the Sun-Times, he decided to leave:

Just back from Beijing, where he covered the Olympics, Mariotti said in a phone interview that he decided to quit after it became clear while in China that sports journalism had become "entirely a Web site business. There were not many newspapers there." He added that most of the journalists covering the Games were "there writing for Web sites."

Mariotti, whose public battles with fellow staffers, team owners, managers, coaches and rival columnists are legendary, didn't disclose any specific plans except to say he will continue doing his regular stint on ESPN's "Around the Horn."

He said he "is talking with a lot of Web sites" and added that the future of his business "sadly is not in newspapers."

I'm flabbergasted. More on this later today, obviously, but for now, let's marinate in this new reality: Jay Mariotti... Quits...Newspapers dying..."Talking to web sites"...head exploding.

Jay Mariotti leaves the Sun-Times [Chicago Sun-Times]
Controversial columnist Jay Mariotti resigns from Chicago Sun-Times [Chicago Tribune]
Jay Mariotti resigns from his position at the Chicago Sun-Times [Awful Announcing]

Today, Mariotti addressed the aftermath of the EA onslaught and came up with "Leave Erin Andrews Alone" as his column crank for the Chicago Sun-Times. Mariotti lights up Nadel and the others who've joined in the "caveman"-like bashing of his colleague in his own charming, woefully out of touch way. (For example: "she's known throughout the sports kingdom as an attractive woman — ``a hottie,'' in the vernacular — especially among Internet stalkers." Mr. Hip!)

Mariotti digs deeper into the problem and suggests that the resentment of Andrews is more pointed because she, LIKE HIM, is employed by ESPN. That also means HE actually knows the woman behind the creeping hemline. :

Full disclosure: I work for ESPN on a daily TV show. But that experience also allows me the perspective to know what Andrews is after. All she wants is the interview, the good sound clip. What do you want her to do, wear a burlap sack? A lot of male sportswriters I know are more insulting in their conflicts-of-interest on their beats. That's a bigger journalistic crime than her wardrobe.

There's an anti-ESPN backlash in my business, which smart people at the network laugh at and ignore. On top of it, more than a few male media people are resentful of women colleagues. Nadel came off as crusty and out of touch. But then, he did get himself some attention.

That means that Mike Nadel will finally get an idea of what it's like to be Erin Andrews. And Jay Mariotti.

Leave Erin Andrews Alone [Chicago Sun-Times]

It was indeed Mariotti, and it was Rick Telander who walked up to Jay, and said "Can we talk?" Telander insists that's all he said. Mariotti called for security, who essentially told him that unless a hand is laid on someone, they will do nothing to defend him.

Mariotti spent the bulk of the rest of the game in the press-box lunchroom, on his cellphone.

We can't imagine how much Telander must want to kill the guy. You can probably find a spot in the newsroom, likely when he's filming "Around The Horn." Does the Sun-Times have its own security in the newsroom? We doubt newspapers can afford such luxuries.

The Jay Mariotti Chronicles Continue [Deadspin]

We don't know for SURE whether or not Sullivan's talking about Mariotti here, but considering what has been going on lately, it certainly sounds like it.

Best media moment: A Sun-Times columnist asking security staffers Saturday to safeguard him from one of his colleagues, who asked for a conversation. Request denied.

As much as we might enjoy the mental image of Mariotti begging a security guard to protect from a snarling Carol Slezak, we worry it's not him: After all, that would require Mariotti actually attending the game. (A crime to which we gleefully plead guilty, as should Mariotti; come on, Jay, it's better at home, right? Admit it!)

The second-worst thing a lifelong newspaper sportswriter can do is become the person who grows to hate sports because they've covered it for so long. The worst is realize that and try to cash in on it. Jay Mariotti, ladies and gentlehumans.

Best Of Times ... And Worst From Round One [Chicago Tribune]
Colleagues Dislike Jay Mariotti Even More Than You Do [Deadspin]

Mariotti, who's never once stopped short in criticizing his Sun-Times colleagues, was interviewed by WTTW-Ch. 11's John Callaway, and, once again,mercilessly lambasted his co-workers. During the interview, which airs tonight at 7:30, Mariotti said, "When I'm being critical of our writers, it's to try to unify."

Observe some of his tactical unification skills:

Mariotti went on to say that Sun-Times beat writer Joe Cowley "has issues" and wrote a "pathetic" column after the Sox's blowup-doll controversy.

He had harsher words for fellow columnist Rick Telander after Callaway played a clip of Telander asking why Mariotti is always so angry and determined to find "the dark side."

Mariotti: "If you're not interested in, as he says, 'the dark side' of sports, then get out of the business."

Callaway: "Wait a second. Nobody has said more about the dark side of college football than Rick Telander."

Mariotti: "We're all supposed to cover the entire spectrum. Don't sit here and stereotype me. That's just a smear campaign from a guy who … if he calls me angry, I call him bitter and old. This is a fellow who needs to examine the newspaper business, where it is right now, where the Sun-Times is in this market and maybe get his act into gear and help us win this battle …"

Condolences go out to Chicago Sun-Times employees who have to deal with this consistently deplorable sub-human being on a regular basis. Nobody envies you.

Mariotti Rips Ozzie Guillen, Sun-Times Colleagues On WTTW [Chicago Tribune]

You saw how popular he is around these parts, but they're coming after him even harder in his own newsroom. Mariotti has been flogging White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen for years now — perhaps because Guillen called Mariotti a "fag" a couple of years ago. This is not helping the Chicago Sun-Times reporters do their jobs, and they're lashing out at Mariotti, in print and in person.

The situation heated up to the point that Editor-in-Chief Michael Cooke stepped in last week to symbolically separate Mariotti from fellow sports columnist Rick Telander, after Sun-Times editors refused to run columns Telander filed for the Wednesday and Friday papers.

The conflict started after Mariotti wrote last week of Guillen: "As you may have noticed through the years, I am the Blizzard's only critic in the Chicago media, mostly because my soft colleagues either fear Guillen's wrath, enjoy how he rips me, work for one of the Reinsdorf-controlled broadcast outlets or are afraid of getting on the chairman's bad side."

The next day, Sun-Times national baseball writer Chris De Luca led his column this way: "The same critics who avoid ever stepping into the White Sox's clubhouse are calling the Chicago media soft for not skewering manager Ozzie Guillen. They want Guillen fired yesterday. Sounds tough, but the rhetoric comes up a little, well, soft."

Telander felt called out in Mariotti's column and reportedly asked for an apology. (We're with you Rick, but seriously ... acting hurt by a Jay Mariotti column? Come on, man, you wrote Heaven Is A Playground. Rise above it!)

Mariotti had no comment, but we can probably guess what it would be: "All you're doing is making me more famous."

Sun-Times Colleagues Go After Jay Mariotti [Chicago Tribune]
A Helpful Tip For Ozzie Guillen, And It's Free [Deadspin]

We also enjoyed Mariotti's appearance on "Costas Now" last week, ranting against sports radio as if it failed to meet the stringent intellectual standards of a Jay Mariotti column. But we don't want to stack the deck; that's a job for these guys.

We will never get enough of this picture, though.

So: Do you like the Jay Mariotti? Do you not like the Jay Mariotti? Let us know there.

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

You know how, the other day, we told you that you could comment on Mariotti's columns in the Chicago Sun-Times. Well, Jay has put the kibosh on that.

Earlier this week, the tough-guy columnist asked management to remove reader comments from its Web site. So if you want to rip Mariotti for ripping Jim Hendry in his Thursday column, you're out of luck. Kind of. A few readers slammed Mariotti at the bottom of a Greg Couch column Thursday.

You know, people love to ask us, in a snickering way, what we think of Stephen A. Smith's blog. Honestly, we think it's great; it takes real cojones to be a national television presence like Smith and not be afraid of open comments. The guy can take it. The guy has balls. No matter what your thoughts about him, you have to respect him for that.

Jay Mariotti, as if this was possibly in doubt, does not. He's a very sensitive boy.

Silence Is Golden [Chicago Tribune] (second item)

Jay The Joke points out the conventions and fallbacks for Mariotti, comparing his column about the Northern Illinois shooting tragedy to what he wrote about the death of Sean Taylor. A highlight, first from the Taylor column:

But as I stood there in the snow, taxi waiting, a thought tugged at me: We need to get a grip about athletes, idolatry and the assumption we know these people when we really don't.

And, from the NIU column:

This is life, death, anger and survival. And as I left the arena, on the coldest night of a hellish winter in Illinois, I wasn't thinking about a game.

It's a quick six-step plan to "humanizing" tragedy. A nifty trick, really.

In Which Jay Scripts His Grief [Jay The Joke]

Yes, that's right, folks: Jay Mariotti has a blog. He won't call it a blog, of course; that would require him to admit that he's a vampire. Instead, it's a series of short "Internet Only" columns that are displayed in the "screech" font.

We have a suspicion this wasn't Mariotti's idea; clearly, the Web is too untamed and brutish for a sensitive man of letters like Mariotti to dwell there full time. But yeah, Mariotti fans, this is your chance to bask in the sunlight of the resident genius all day, every day. We're glad to have you, Jay: We don't go to the games either, so you should fit right in.

Mariotti "Internet Only" columns [Chicago Sun-Times]
Get Ready For More Mariotti [Tremendous Upside Potential]

All quotes are directly taken from columns written within the first four days after 9/11.

• Woody Paige, Denver Post. "Miss Liberty bowed her head. From on high and nigh, she witnessed the horrifying cataclysm. There were tears in her eyes. And the nation cries with her. Denver was not torched, but it has been touched."

• Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times. "Our local baseball managers have addressed the idea of a white-flag mentality and suggested players might not be inspired to resume the season, a folly when you consider firefighters and rescue teams are working around the clock and risking their lives."

• Skip Bayless, San Jose Mercury News. "To my disgust, I spent Wednesday and Thursday hearing outrageously paid athletes tell us how irrelevant sports are and how they just didn't feel like playing. Will these eight-figure whiners tell us how 'truly unimportant' sports are before the next work stoppage? Do they think any of us felt like going to work Wednesday? Many in this country needed baseball and football to be played as soon as possible — baseball by Thursday or Friday, college football by Saturday, the NFL by today. This was the least sports could have done for us after all we've done for them."

Well played, guys: Words of which to be proud.

(To be fair, we all went a little overboard if we wrote too early after 9/11.)

"Certainly the paper misses him," Editor Michael Cooke said, "but we have a lot of bench strength." Mariotti will continue to appear at the paper even if he's not in it, coming into the newsroom to tape his regular "Around the Horn" appearances for ESPN. But his regular targets can rest easy knowing hunting season doesn't resume for a couple months.

We think it's the perfect indictment of what ESPN has done to newspapers that Mariotti will be coming into the newsroom to impersonate a columnist for a paper he's not writing for. But hey: Not that we mind! Take all the time you need, Jay!

Sun-Times' Trials Aren't Limited To Courtroom [Chicago Tribune]

We enjoyed the countless emails we received yesterday informing us that "Around The Horn" host Tony Reali — an affable fellow whom we imagine being ultra intense about rec league softball, for some reason — yelled out "don't take my Deadspin away from me" at the end of the program yesterday. (Shockingly, we didn't watch the show. Really!) But we actually enjoyed more Jay Mariotti's rant that led to the comment. Basically, Mariotti was saying that athletes blogging from the Olympic Village next year is a terrible thing because, apparently, the mere act of blogging will turn them into vampires out to suck the soul of an unsuspecting populace.

Jay, we've been over this with you before, but let's do it again ... slowly. Blogs themselves are not inherently negative creations; they are simply a new — not all that new, actually — medium for communication. The reason you think they're negative is because you only read what blogs say about you. And that's always negative. Why is that always negative? Because they're talking about you. Because you're Jay Mariotti, and there is nothing positive to say about you. (OK: We kind of like your eye shadow. That's positive!) If there were another medium as easy for people to communicate as blogs, it would be used to say negative things about you as well. It's not a problem with the medium, Jay; it's just you.

But there we go, just making Jay more famous again.

You Need Jay Mariotti On That Wall [Deadspin]

(We're pretty certain this video's gonna be taken down by noon, by the way.)

Mariotti's "where the wind takes me" viewpoint on writing columns — change your mind whenever it's convenient — has been well-documented, but it's never more evident than his constant revisions on Bears quarterback coach Lovie Smith. When he started, because Mariotti can't be expected to actually know any of this stuff, he just made fun of the name "Lovie." And then he just kept getting everything wrong, all documented right here. Some highlights:

January 13, 2004: January 13 - Given a choice between Grimm and Lovie Smith, the other announced finalist and featured interviewee today, I wonder if Craig T. Nelson is available. If Smith at least has experience as an NFL defensive coordinator, he arrives with the baggage of the St.Louis Rams' season- ending collapse, which includes not only the 29 points and 485 yards allowed to the Carolina Panthers on Saturday, but also a defensive letdown against the lowly Detroit Lions last month. Can you see the Bears, franchise of Butkus and the '85 defense, hiring a coach named Lovie?

October 26, 2004: That would be Lovie Smith, the unlucky but increasingly clueless rookie head coach, who will start Krenzel in the Halloween spookfest against the 1- 5 San Francisco 49ers just to create some buzz.

November 17, 2005: The coach doesn't understand, like his bosses, that the Bears are part of a public trust dating back to the 1920s in this city. If the Soldier Field renovation was partially funded by public money and if the franchise insists on charging pricey Personal Seat License fees, the least the Bears can do is be forthright about a brawl that sidelined Miller for a game. All we get, pathetically, are hazy answers and a plea that we focus on the big game ahead. Again, Smith insults our intelligence.

December 4, 2006: Let me give it to you real, Lovie Smith, as you stand up there in your "NFC North Champions" T-shirt and wonder snippily why the media aren't trading high-fives with you. If Rex Grossman remains your quarterback, your season goes splat in January. You won't see a contract extension, the city will call for a full-blown probe of your pedigree and years of Bears disgust will plummet lower than Lower Wacker Drive.

We suggest reading the whole thing; it's fun gruesome entertainment.

Jay Mariotti Always Has Lovie Smith's Back [Boise Wants Jay]

We return to the SHOTY Tournament, with the final two quarterfinal matchups, today and Thursday. Of all the Elite Eight matchups, we think this might end up the closest. (The first two have been runaways, though you can still vote.) First, a reminder of the bracket.

It seems strange that of the two people involved this week, Harold Reynolds is the one who doesn't work for ESPN anymore. In fact, he's suing them. And we can never figure out if Jay Mariotti would vote for himself in these tournaments; after all, it does make him more famous.

The matchup breakdown:

No. 4 Seed: Jay Mariotti
2006 Highlights
Brought together the Cubs and the White Sox.
Shrunk from Ozzie Guillen's manly challenge.
Inspired a loving fan site.
Reveled in all the fame.
Declared war on Wikipedia using the famous "whining" method.

No. 5 Seed: Harold Reynolds
2006 Highlights
Fired from ESPN for "undisclosed" reasons.
Hugged the wrong person at the wrong time.
Played awfully dumb.
Sued ESPN's ass.

So, go vote: Who is headed for the Final Four?

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After nearly a week off, the Deadspin SHOTY Tournament kicks back up today — just three more first-round matchups left — with a guy who seemingly shows up every week around these parts, if just to make himself more famous, against a former Philadelphia hero who has only made Deadspin once, but in a rather glorious way.

It's No. 4 seed Jay Mariotti against No. 13 seed Darren Daulton, a matchup of two people who have never been in our kitchen.

Let's go to the videotape!

No. 4 Seed: Jay Mariotti
2006 Highlights
Brought together the Cubs and the White Sox.
Shrunk from Ozzie Guillen's manly challenge.
Inspired a loving fan site.
Reveled in all the fame.
Declared war on Wikipedia using the famous "whining" method.

No. 13 Seed: Darren Daulton
2006 Highlights
Time-traveled in a way that was difficult for those of us who do not understand metaphysics to comprehend.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

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Turns out, Jay's Wikipedia page has been locked down " to deal with vandalism." So what horrible things were people putting up there about Jay? Well, when you take a look at the old version ... jeez, that's not so bad at all. Surely, Wikipedia has seen far worse. Why would they choose to completely shut down this particular page?

Oh, we see: Jay personally begged them too. Founder Jimbo Wales explains (emphasis is ours):

In this case we have a strong complaint about the article from the subject of the article. There is no need to quibble in such cases. We should nuke the whole thing and start over. It's more work to dig through 250 old revisions looking for the bad ones than to simply start over. Writing a single article is easy for us these days. And if we had to do without an article about this guy for a year or more, it is no big loss. I think we have to be very very firm in cases like this. (There is an attack site, trolls who hate the guy, etc. It's s stupid fight from somewhere else.)

The site, of course, is Jay The Joke, which, as far as we're concerned, is down there in the trenches doing the Lord's work.

But we can't lie to you: Not much in the world makes us happier than the idea of Mariotti typing out furiously worded letters to Wikipedia about all the things those mean, mean people are saying about him. If only his father could be enlisted in the cause!

There we go again: Just making Jay more famous.

Current Mariotti Wikipedia Page
Old Mariotti Wikipedia Page
Mariotti Discussion Page

Mariotti writes in defense of San Francisco Chronicle reporters Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, who will face a judge in about half an hour and could end up being sent to jail. A good cause, we think ... but Jay just can't leave himself out of it, aligning himself with the journalists and their profession though, as Jay The Joke points out, the guy hasn't interviewed an actual human in one of his columns in months. And then he tries to turn on fans, saying the reason they hate journalists is because they talk bad about the home team, a long time self-justification for why he himself is so despised.

And then, in an entirely unnecessary — and strangely self-loathing — aside, he tsks-tsks "Web sites [that] peek around corners like sewer rats, operated by weirdos who live in their parents' basements, [and] pretend to be experts." This just makes us sad. We're not so different, you know, Jay: Neither of us interview people — well, sometimes we do, actually, and we also don't have to worry about getting "mock raped" when we do it either — we both watch games at home (or, in your case, "in an underground bunker") and we're not particularly well-liked by people in traditional journalism. Shit, Jay, we even both have bad hair! There's absolutely no reason we shouldn't be friends. Seriously! Let's hug!

That said: If given a choice between being linked with Mariotti and going to jail, well ... we'd say Fainaru-Wada and Williams have a tough decision to make.

Media Freedoms On Trial In San Fran [Chicago Sun-Times]
In Which Jay Tries To Align Himself With Actual Journalists [Jay The Joke]

Only one man is capable of telling the TRUTH, and that man is Jay Mariotti. That's his story, anyway, in a profile in this month's Chicago magazine; if someone doesn't like him, it's because they're afraid of the awesome power of his words. It has absolutely nothing to do with comments like this:

"Take your shots at me," Mariotti says of his colleagues, leaning back in his chair and raising his palms to the air. "All you're doing is making me more famous."

No, really: That's what he said.

Press Boxing [Chicago Magazine]

During Mariotti's "vacation," he was appearing regularly on "Around the Horn," even though he wasn't writing for the paper. He, of course, wasn't hanging around clubhouses while was on sabbatical, but that never really bothered us that much anyway.

Mariotti returned with a column about the White Sox, of course, and it began with the words "Remember my magnificent decree." Hey, you guys have fun, Chicago.

Mariotti Returns To Sun-Times [Editor & Publisher]
A Helpful Tip For Ozzie Guillen, And It's Free [Deadspin]

The Kit Kat Lounge and Supper Club, 3700 N. Halsted, a gay bar that features female impersonators, now has "The Effen Ozzie GuillenTini" on the menu.

The drink is so popular that hardly anyone is ordering the John Rocker-and-Rye Toddy anymore (laugh track).

Straight Up: Gay Bar Makes Ozzie GuillenTini [Chicago Sun-Times]

Three quick thoughts to wrap up. First, the concept of sportswriters hulking up for physical confrontation in the locker room got us thinking of the late, great Will McDonough, the Boston Globe reporter famous for throwing elbows and doing whatever necessary to get the story while the Mariottis of the world were getting mani/pedis. McDonough's most famous incident involved New England Patriot Raymond Clayborn, who he punched in a locker room in 1979. McDonough said at the time: "I said that if any guy pushes me to the point, then something is going to happen. It's just unfortunate for [Clayborn] that he did it." You know what? That's pretty badass. We miss Will.

Second, we hate to be the PC police, but we do think it's telling that many — including, admittedly, us — have taken Ozzie Guillen's use of the word "fag" somewhat lightly, as if to say, "Hey, it's Ozzie, he says things sometimes." We, of course, would not have been so forgiving if he had said the n-word, or other racial slurs. No matter how much of a dope Mariotti might be, Ozzie, in our view, was wrong. Pretend as everyone might otherwise, there are gay people in sports, and we guarantee you: Someone in that locker room — player, attendant, reporter — was offended in a much different way than Mariotti was.

And, lastly: We hear lotsa rumors around these parts, and here's one of the more persistant ones of late: Don't be shocked if you don't see Mariotti in the pages of the Sun-Times for a while. Whispers of "indefinite, unplanned vacation" keep popping up. We'll keep you updated.

Will McDonough Remembered [GreaterBoston]
The Manly, Manly Sports Reporters [Deadspin]
One Slur That's Still Somewhat OK [Under 30 Blog]

(UPDATE: Oh, and Mariotti was on the Tucker Carlson show last night.)

But as comprehensive as we've been on the Mariotti-Guillen story, Jay the Joke is still the only site in which you gain access by "clicking on Jay Mariotti's smug face." It is the only site with posts entitled "Guillen Apologizes to every Homosexual except Jay," and "In Which Jay Tries, Once Again, To Sit On Mark Cuban's Face." And in today's post, "Desperate Column From A Desperate Man," the author reports that Mariotti is turning to old Chicago sports standby Michael Jordan to salve his wounds.

Columnist Gets A Slow Roasting [Chicago Tribune]
Desperate Column From A Desperate Man [Jay The Joke]
The Manly, Manly Sports Reporters [Deadspin]

No, it's Jay Mariotti — "fucktard," if you're a crude sort — who has everyone all hand-wringing. First it was real man Chicago Tribune columnist Rick Morrissey, who framed the debate by saying that if you criticize a player, you should be able to face him/her in the locker room. Today, Mariotti's fellow Sun-Times columnist Rick Telander nails it, asking, in all seriousness, "should we just stay away and pontificate? All the quotes are there, some taken down by court stenographers. Is our presence required? This is news that Mariotti has become." (It should go without saying that the preceding quote took four paragraphs for Telander to write.)

In other words, this has become a soul-searcher for media members on their place in the world today. The fan has access to live video of almost every game, the ability to read transcripts of press conferences and all the same statistical materials everyone in the press box is handed when they walk in. Telander, because he sees what's going on here, has no choice but to put it bluntly: "Is our presence required?" In an age where athletes say nothing interesting and reporters have to write it down as if they care, what is the point, anyway?

We don't think Jay Mariotti sitting at home, watching White Sox games while applying makeup and waiting for the cue from Tony Reali, can be classified as a reporter. But can someone with a press pass and locker room access, but with no more information or insight than anyone sitting at home, be called one either? Does it even matter anymore?

Which is really just a long way of saying: Mariotti's a fucktard.

In Big Picture, Mariotti's Huge Part Of Story [Chicago Sun-Times]
You Write It, You Show Up [Chicago Tribune]
A Helpful Tip For Ozzie Guillen, And It's Free [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: The only thing we've read about this all week that didn't sound helplessly stupid was this Bob Klapisch piece, a writer smart enough to write about it without really writing about it at all. Aside from this piece, though, it never fails to amuse us how sports reporters are acting as if it's some sort of manly thing to enter the locker room and face people they criticize. Listen: We are writers, and we are all dorks. No matter how much you talk yourself into thinking you have a high level of testosterone because you stand behind your words, you're still a dude who types for a living and every single person you write about could kick your ass, without thinking or caring much about it. You're fooling yourself if you even pretend otherwise.)