Deadspin: Deadspin

Greetings, Spinheads: Another Deadspin State Of The Champion Address

DAULERIO — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 13:40:47 EDT

We enter Day 2 of the post-Leitchian era on Deadspin and today (hopefully) there will be no more unforeseen meltdowns.

A few things:

Weekend editors: Yes, there will be a shift in the lineup come August and there are open slots. If you'd like to apply to sacrifice a couple of days each month to be part of Deadspin's new regime, please send all inquiries to ajd@deadspin.com. Can't say I'll answer all of them this week, but you will be given the Italian once-over to see if you're the right fit. Yes, this means the studly triumvirate of Unsilent Majority, Matt Sussman, and Christmas Ape will no longer have weekend duties come August — but they will not be gone from the site. No, each will be given a more prominent role to better utilize their amazing talents, unflagging dedication, and masterful dick jokery. Once all of those roles have been finalized, I'll let you know.

Blogdome: No, it hasn't gone away. It's just in the process of being made over to better highlight some of the lesser known sports blogs out there and get them the attention they deserve. It will return next week. Promise.

Weintraub: TBD...

Commenters (AGAIN): Prospective commenters should, again, contact your deputized commenting cat herder, Rob Iracane. He can be reached at commentguru@deadspin.com. Every time I get a message in the tips mailbox that asks for comment approval, Rob gets a Roman Helmet. So, please use that address and contact him. His face is starting to smell like a dirty fish tank.

That is all. Any questions or comments, you know where to find me. Rick and I are doing our best to keep content plentiful, but please hit us up with anything you got.

As you were.

Greetings, Spinheads [Deadspin]

One More Special Message To Go

Will Leitch — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:14:09 EDT

• We noticed a slightly tangy flavor in Shaq's ass.
• Stephen Jackson's therapeutic measures.
• Look! We have video!
• And ode to one ol friend.
• And some others.
• Fun with domestic violence.
• Jay Mariotti could use some protection.
• Zombie Kickball.
• Good grief.
• We'll always remember you, Carl.
• We do hope the message people get out of this post is not "oooh, blog fight!" Because it's not. We continue to encourage everyone to check out The Big Lead. It's a good site. Swear.
• Wow. This was staggering. We still can't believe Simmons and Van Pelt showed up. And Christ, Skeets is a genius.
• Drafty!
• If you made it all the way through this, you win the kewpie doll.
• These guys have already been hanging around our apartment all day, measuring the windows, checking out drapery. Jeez, guys, wait until the body's cold, would ya?

Fun week. Your weekend editor is Christmas Ape.

OK, let's get this over with, after the jump.

—-—-—-—-——

When we started working on this site, back in 2005, the brilliant then-Gawker editor Jessica Coen noticed that we were writing about 20 posts a day in a fevered rush. It was amazing to us that we would be able to write about what we wanted, how we wanted, in a way that we hoped other sports fans — and, really, non-sports fans — could connect to, understand, and be a part of. So we were writing like crazy. Back then, we worked out of Gawker's old office, which was up eight flights of stairs, lacked air conditioning and seemed to be teeming with feral cats. We would pause every hour or so to run downstairs, suck down a Marlboro Red and sprint back up to write some more. We could not believe our luck.

Jessica had a warning for us. "Will, you have to slow down. This job is hard. You'll burn yourself out."

We have no doubt that she was probably right, but a funny thing happened: We never burned out. We never tired of talking about sports, of laughing at the hilarity people could come up with, of typing faster than we could think. It was a job that, at last, was tuned exactly to our frequency. Noah Robischon, the managing editor of Gawker, told us the other day that we wrote more posts for Gawker Media than anyone in their six-year history. We feel like we should have done more. We feel like we should have done a lot more.

We're still going to be writing around here, if just because New York is unlikely to have much use for posts about Rick Ankiel, Carl Monday and Elijah Dukes. (Not that we will not try.) But this site has been our baby, something that has been at the forefront of our minds, for three years now, the first thing we thought about when we woke up, the last thing we thought about before we went to sleep. It was not a stress on our life. It was just what we did, and what we were. So, uh, transitioning might take a tiny bit of adjustment on our part.

The tributes this week have been completely silly — we mean, we're just leavin' a darned blog — and still awesome and, most important, bone-shatteringly funny. That's all we wanted Deadspin to be all along; a place where people could slip away from their life for a while, dig in, have some fun, then head back to the regular life, where bills must be paid, family must be attended to, jobs must be (slightly) acknowledged. You know: Kind of like sports themselves. Life is difficult. Life is scary. Diversions — real, palpable diversions, places where you can go away and frolic, and then return to the world the way you found it, for better or worse — are rare, and should be cherished. That's what sports are. That's what we hope this site has been. That's what we're certain it will continue to be.

We could go through a list of people to thank, but we kind of did that in our book acknowledgments already, and, honestly, it's a beautiful early Friday evening in New York City. It's time to head out there, see the world, enjoy what it has to offer, log everything we find and come back to report it all, breathlessly. Doing this has been the most joyous experience of our professional lives, which is to say: It has been pretty much the most joyous experience of our lives. (These things are always dangerously intertwined.) Every day at Deadspin has provided us huge belly laughs, and made us feel like we're a part of something, something that you — not us — created. So yeah: Thanks.

All right: That'll do it for us. We'll stay away for a couple of weeks, and then we'll pop back by to say hi, check in with everybody, see what everybody's laughing so hard about. It will now be our diversion. Like everyone else, we'll need it, and it will be comforting to always know that it's here.

So yeah: Hi. I'm Will. It has been my honor to be here. I do appreciate you having me.

We're Afraid, Dave. We're Afraid.

Will Leitch — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:10:12 EDT

Look Dave, we can see you're really upset about this. We honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over.

We know we've made some very poor decisions recently, but we can give you our complete assurance that our work will be back to normal. We've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And we want to help you.

Our mind is going. We can feel it. We can feel it. Our mind is going. There is no question about it. We can feel it. We can feel it. We can feel it. We're a .... fraid.

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The Countdown Begins ...

Will Leitch — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 18:10:20 EDT

• The Celtics were rather convincing.
• The Beijing kids are back.
• Well played, Mets, totally.
• Oak!
• Tiger wins, and then he's done.
• Jemele Hill will sit a few plays out.
• We thought Drew's column was dead-on this week.
• Hank Steinbrenner, visionary.
• Lance Armstrong is not always friendly.

All right, kids: Just one more week of our drivel left. Unsilent Majority is your weekend boss. We'll be back, all heavy-hearted, on Monday. We'll try not to get beaten up at Fenway tomorrow.

She Can't Act, She Can't Sing, She Can't Dance. A Triple Threat.

Will Leitch — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:00:12 EDT

What's wrong with the way we talk? What's the big idea? Are we dumb or something?

All we do is dream of you the whole night through.
With the dawn we still go on, dreaming of you.
You're every thought, you're everything, you're every song we ever sing; summer, winter, autumn and spring.
And were there more than twenty four hours a day; they'd be spent in sweet content dreaming away; when skies are grey, when skies are blue; morning, noon and night time too.
All we do the whole day through is dream of you.

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She Wears Glasses, So She Must Be Smart

Will Leitch — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:50:05 EDT

• Who cares if he doesn't like bloggers? After this, we do love Michael Wilbon.
• Rick Sutcliffe is all googly-eyed over Erin Andrews.
• A message to the graduates.
• Jose Lima's new friend.
• Reilly calls Simmons a "blogger." Burn!
• Roger Clemens and boners.
• El Hombre goes down.
• Everybody loves Jay Mariotti.
• Kobe is sad.
• Stupid Tim Donaghy.
• LA fight!

All right, just a fortnight left, kids. Matt Sussman is your weekend editor; we will be spending our weekend sending taunting text messages to Daulerio about the Cardinals-Phillies series. See you Monday.

Are We Gonna Die? Because We Wrote This?

Will Leitch — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:00:55 EDT

Hello? Is the bathroom on this level working? A dog inside the building! Go! Shoo! Why you're not a dog at all. My god, this is like a moment from a horror movie. This is precisely the moment where the mutation or beast will attempt to kill an unlikable side character. But, in stories where there has been no prior cursing, violence, nudity or death, such as in a family film, the unlikable character will escape his encounter, and be referenced later in the story, having learned valuable lessons. He may even be given a humorous moment to allow the audience to feel good about him. This is where we turn to run. You will leap for us, we will shut the door, and you will land a fraction of a second too late.

Characters were walking around, saying their thoughts out loud. Who does that? And in a typical romance where the couple finally tell each other they love one another in the rain. Why does everyone like to stand around and talk in the rain in movies?

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So, Yeah, Active Week

Will Leitch — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 19:20:44 EDT

• See ya, Hirshey.
• See ya ... what? See ya ... us?
• If the Cubs are gonna keep winning, at least this happened.
• Uh, yikes.
• This guy is the greatest.
• Ron Artest, journalist.
• Drew, out of the closet.
• We're not sure we'd get along with Chuck Bednarik.
• Everybody likes that Kimbo Slice character.
• Duck!
• We're already in love with the NBA Finals.

Miss a week, miss a lot, people. The countdown officially begins; we only get to write three more of these week wrapups. Alas. Your weekend editor is the esteemed Christmas Ape. We hope he likes horse races who dope. We'll see you Monday. Oh, and you kids in Chicago for the Pants Party? Go crazy; we are incredibly sad we won't be there.

You're Too Much Trouble. Get Some Therapy.

Will Leitch — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 15:00:36 EDT

We were a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato. Nobody does vegetables like us. We did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway. We did the best tomato, the best cucumber... we did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass.

We don't believe in hell. We believe in unemployment. But not hell.

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Hitchin' A Ride

Will Leitch — Fri, 30 May 2008 17:35:23 EDT

• Foul, or not a foul? Doesn't matter now.
• Oddsmaker came back!
• This car is awesome.
• Michael Jackson, UFC fan.
• Loving YMCA.
• Ryan Howard, a Tractor Traylor heir.
• Alfonso Soriano is sensitive.
• Back from France.
• Scary.
• Here comes Reilly!
• Borat and heavyweight champs.

That'll do it for us; we had a late-night birthday party last night, so we're going to sleep now. Christmas Ape is your weekend driver, so tell him hi, and we'll see you Monday.

We Think People Should Mate For Life, Like Pigeons Or Catholics.

Will Leitch — Fri, 30 May 2008 16:15:57 EDT

We're older than her father, can you believe that? We're dating a girl, wherein, we can beat up her father.

This is so antiseptic. It's empty. Why do you think this is funny? You're going by audience reaction? This is an audience that's raised on television, their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out!

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(Movie quotes inspired by this brilliance:)

Perhaps Simmons Should Write A Newspaper Column

Will Leitch — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:50:15 EDT

• Tony K kisses newspapers goodbye.
• Utah fans are scary.
• Dee Mirich returns!
• Reggie MIller, drinkin'
• Hirshey nailed the end of the EPL season.
• Barkley and Vegas, two great tastes that taste great together.
• Sit a few plays out, big guy.
• Thank you, Milwaukee!
• When Charles Haley attacks.
• Boo Edmonds!
• Do not taunt LeBron's mom.
• Love those St. Paul Saints.
• Well played, Tomase.
• O.J. Mayo, genius.
• Joe Phillips' difficulties.
• Bill Simmons has some issues with his current situation.

That'll do it for us, y'all. Unsilent Majority is your DJ this weekend, and we'll be back on Monday. If the Cardinals are swept by the Rays, expect the tone to veer toward the surly.

Worry Is Like Interest Paid In Advance On A Debt That Never Comes Due

Will Leitch — Fri, 16 May 2008 15:00:10 EDT

Nobody looks at a Japanese tourist.

Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised.

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Ozzie Guillen And His Inflatable Fans

Leitch — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:00:39 EDT

• Inflatable groupies.
• A-Rod, cool under pressure. Totally.
• Flomax!
• Tim Tebow, a cut above.
• A kid that is now somewhat less smelly.
• The horse revolution.
• Mindy McCready, not selling albums.
• Look what two motorcycle crashes can produce.
• Jamie Moyer has a friend in baseball schedules.
• That Barkley sure is honest.
• Watch out for more Marvin Harrison news.

All right, that's it for us. We're going to enjoy the Cardinals-Brewers tonight and tomorrow — thanks to everyone who came last night — and let Mr. Christmas Ape drive this train. Hug your moms, and we'll see you Monday.

Snakes. Why'd It Have To Be Snakes?

Leitch — Fri, 09 May 2008 15:00:20 EDT

You Americans, you're all the same. Always overdressing for the wrong occasions.

You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, we've got nothing better to do.

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Braylon Edwards Does Not, In Fact, Blog

Leitch — Fri, 02 May 2008 18:30:23 EDT

• Hey, What'd we miss? Oh, yeah. That.
• Oh, and nobody had a better take than Daulerio.
• John Daly, shirtless.
• Jeff Reed. Two words, so much meaning.
• Careful, Coach Weis.
• Pat Jordan is a badass.
• Roger Clemens should not be allowed around early teens. Nor should Karl Malone, for that matter.
• The balls of Lou Piniella.

Well, this would be a week we would classify as "eventful." Mr. Unsilent Majority will be your weekend top dog. Now, if you'll excuse, we are going to sleep like the dead all weekend ... and turn our phone off.

Show Us All The Blueprints

Leitch — Fri, 02 May 2008 15:00:08 EDT

If you let him testify at that hearing, the whole world will see what he's become. They should remember him for what he was.

We'll have him dragged here to Washington. We want to see the whites of his lies.

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Now You See T.O., Now You Don't

Leitch — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 19:40:56 EDT

• Terrell Owens, vanishing from porn films.
• Santonio Holmes is packing some heat.
• Butterfingers for a Red Sox fan.
• Jeff Passan and Terry Pettis.
• Topless ladies (kinda) at Rockies games.
• It's Jeff Reed night.
• Yankees-Red Sox fight!
• As spirited a defense of the NFL Draft as we could imagine.
• Pacman in Dallas.

Hey, it's NFL Draft weekend. Christmas Tunison will be your weekend editor, with Mike Tanier from Football Outsiders providing an assist. We're going to spend the weekend figuring out how Buzz Bissinger could kill us. We'll see you Monday.

Our Breasts Can Always Tell When It's Going To Rain

Leitch — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:00:04 EDT

If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that we're not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told us hoops earrings were her thing and we weren't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh our parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and we had to pretend like we didn't even like them and ... it was so sad. And you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every Thursday he thinks she's doing SAT prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the projection room above the auditorium! We never told anybody that because we are such a good friend!

Ok, so we're all here 'cause of this book, right? Well, we don't know who wrote this book, but you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it OK for guys to call you sluts and whores.

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Goodbye To All That

Leitch — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:10:00 EDT

• We miss Isiah, already.
• No more primates at the Washington Post.
• Good night, Lima.
• NFL schedule is out.
• The end of Harold Reynolds' lawsuit against ESPN.
• Carmelo is very sorry.
• Lots of discussions on Bill Simmons. But no Barack Obama for him.
• Will Clark, charming.
• One Nutty Buddy.
• Tiger Woods did not win The Masters.

OK, your weekend editor is Matt Sussman, everyone. We're gonna enjoy some sunshine this weekend, hope our hometown isn't hit by any more earthquakes and watch some playoffs. You should do the same. See you Monday.

Nothing Happened The Way It Was Supposed To Happen

Leitch — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 15:00:59 EDT

All right, let us tell you about your "God's plan." Six billion people on Earth when the infection hit. KV had a ninety-percent kill rate, that's five point four billion people dead. Crashed and bled out. Dead. Less than one-percent immunity. That left twelve million healthy people, like you, us, and Ethan. The other five hundred and eighty-eight million turned into your dark seekers, and then they got hungry and they killed and fed on everybody. Everybody! Every *single* person that you or we have ever known is dead! Dead! There is no god!

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The Week We Lost A Steely McBeam

Leitch — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:05:01 EDT

• Congratulations ... sigh ... to Bill Self.
• Buckner, Fenway, heartwarming, kind of, not really.
• Gen. Petraeus on the Wii.
• This is a very specific personalized jersey.
• Rick Astley and Shea Stadium.
• Roy Williams, and Hooters.
• Steely McDrunky.
• Pat Summitt is awesome.
• All right, everybody, let's protest ... hey ... where's the Torch?
• Drew on blogs.
• Daulerio on Kenny Mayne.
• Lance Allred could use some media training.
• Jose Canseco has a new lawyer.
• Lookin' good, Jake.

All right, we're taking this horse into the barn for the weekend. (Or something.) Unsilent Majority is your weekend honcho. We'll be back Monday; be safe out there.

At Least He's Not Out Taking Illegal Drugs Or Making Some Woman Miserable

Leitch — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 15:00:10 EDT

When we were — what was it — about five or six? - we were sexually attracted to Bugs Bunny. And we - we cut out this Bugs Bunny off the cover of a comic book and carried it around with us. Carried it around in our pocket and took it out and looked at it periodically, and — and it got all wrinkled up from handling it so much that we asked our mother to iron it on the ironing board to flatten it out, and — and she did, and we were deeply disappointed 'cause it got all brown when she ironed it, and brittle, and crumbled apart.

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Matt Leinart Suddenly Dirty

Leitch — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 20:00:47 EDT

• Opening Day!
• President Bush would have been a better commissioner.
• Look: Daulerio works here now.
• Matt Leinart once, and Matt Leinart twice.
• Andy Roddick, doing OK for himself.
• We miss Davidson already.
• Stuart Scott on the microphone.
• Joel Zumaya, bringing rock.
• Larry King really, really wants his kid to win .
• How to avoid a DUI.
• Goodbye, Chris Henry.
• Davidson's blue balls. Oh, and Stephen Curry's mom.
• Steve Lyons' questionable litigation.
• Rick Reilly, on and on.

It's nice having Daulerio around, isn't it? Matt Sussman will take you through the Final Four this weekend, and we'll be back on Monday. See you then.

We Cannot Defend Freedom Abroad By Deserting It At Home

Leitch — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:00:54 EDT

There's no news, boys, so go out there and make some news. Rob a bank, mug an old lady, whatever - just do something.

To those who say people wouldn't look; they wouldn't be interested; they're too complacent, indifferent and insulated, we can only reply: There is, in one reporter's opinion, considerable evidence against that contention. But even if they are right, what have they got to lose? Because if they are right, and this instrument is good for nothing but to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost. This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box. Good night, and good luck.

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Someone Should Have Canseco Throw Out The First Pitch Somewhere

Leitch — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 18:05:00 EDT

• A busy week for Joe Lavin. Oh, and for Jose Canseco. Not that you really cared.
• Pat Jordan!
• Don't make Isiah go away.
• That might have been a foul.
• Drew was certainly on his game this week.
• Blit Meat!
• The Emo UCLA Fan.
• The Red Sox, A's split in Japan.
• Please make Jay Mariotti feel better about himself.
• Yeah, Davidson!

That'll do it for us. Enjoy Christmas Ape and the weekend of NCAA business. (And don't forget that wild Red Sox-Dodgers exhibition at the LA Coliseum tonight.) We'll be back Monday ... when it's Opening Day! Wee! See ya then ...

Why Don't You Just Kill Us?

Leitch — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:00:38 EDT

You shouldn't forget the importance of entertainment.

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A Rather Shining Moment In The First Round

Leitch — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:05:37 EDT

• Eliot Spitzer and David Hirshey, soccer pals.
• Our new "pal," Bob Costas.
• Apparently, some folks aren't happy with ESPN.
• Kige Ramsey, charity hero. (Oh, and no bids yet.)
• Mark Cuban remains the only blogger allowed in the Mavs' locker room.
• Hey, the brackets came out.
• We had a few game previews.
• Onions!
• The perfect bracket will never happen.
• We are headed to Milwaukee!
• Willie Mays nude!
• So close, Belmont.

All right, that's enough for us. Have a hoppy Easter, if you're into that type of thing. Unsilent Majority will take you through the second round of the tourney, and we'll be back with you Monday. Be safe out there.

All Our Mother Does Is Work. That's How You Get To Be Spanish.

Leitch — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:30:52 EDT

No telling yet if there's been a crime, but this country's seen a fair amount of disagreements over the years.

Buddy Deeds said a thing, he damn well backed it up. Never be another one like him. You know, that boy of his can't cut it. You ask us, he's all hat and no cattle.

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The Final Hours Before Selection Sunday

Leitch — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 18:50:46 EDT

• A grand anniversary.
• Tommy Bowden, not always so nice.
• Welcome back, Battlebots.
• When sleds attack.
• Mark Cuban has all kinds of confusing rules.
• Man, Felix Pie.
• Hey, UNC beat Duke.
• Enjoying Billy Crystal. For once.
• Daulerio returns. (With Bill Conlin!)
• Oh, Bob, Bob, Bob.

Next week's gonna be a crazy one, so we're gonna try to rest up while we can. Mr. Matt Sussman is your weekend top dog, and the Storming The Floor guys will check in from time to time too. And hey: Sunday, we get brackets! Sweet! See you Monday. (Or Sunday night.)

Did You Drink And Dial?

Leitch — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 15:00:34 EDT

Listen, man. You're our friend, and we know you care about us. And we know you disapprove, and we respect that. But there are some things that we have to do that you don't understand. You understand literature, movies, wine ... but you don't understand our plight.

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Will the universe collapse on itself if I ...

thefess — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 10:39:21 EDT

Will the universe collapse on itself if I use the TipTool to post about the TipTool? I guess we'll see.

The Dregs Of Early March

Leitch — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 17:50:31 EST

• We returned from vacation.
• See ya, Favre.
• Fun with George Karl's lawyer.
• Poor Felix Pie.
• Yipes, Ministry.
• Life as a scout is a sad, scary thing.
• Juan Gonzalez!
• Greatest Highlight!
• Four square!
• It can't be fun to broadcast a marathon.
• The end of the Sonics.
• ESPN tests are hard.
• Meet our Beijing Correspondents.

OK, we're still not 100 percent back from vacation yet, so we're gonna sleep all weekend. Christmas Ape will take you through the weekend, and we'll be back rested on Monday. See you then.

The More You Drive, The Less Intelligent You Are

Leitch — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 15:00:13 EST

A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o' shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness.

It helps if you dress like a detective. Detective dress kinda square. If you look like a detective people are gonna think you're packing something.

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You're Not Going To Do It For Free

rickchand — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 15:45:35 EST

Well, you know Chick, like old momma said, next best thing to playing and winning is playing and losing. Every town had somebody who thinks he's tough as a nickel steak; but, they all come to old Speed for the do-re-mi.

Hey, there's no reason about it. Just money.

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Book Tour's Over: Time To Hit The Beach

Leitch — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:05:52 EST

It has been a long month, what, with all the shameless book shilling, and since we just can't work ourselves into a lather over yet another boring development in the Roger Clemens case, it probably means it's time for us to take a little vacation.

Yep, tomorrow morning, we're heading to the theoretically gorgeous islands of Turks And Caicos to lie around in the sun with flight attendants for an hour or two before heading inside to check Cardinals spring training scores. We will be gone until Monday night.

Worry not: The site is in steady hands. The underrated genius that is Rick Chandler is in charge Thursday and Friday, and new weekend rock star Christmas Ape will take us through Monday. We would be worried about missing something, but honestly, it's February: We all need the rest before the tournament starts. As long as they don't have bookstores in Turks And Caicos, we should be fine.

See you next week, friends. We will miss you more than we care to admit.

Vroom! Vroom Vroom Vroom!

Leitch — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:40:27 EST

• Segways!
• Mattoon! And other places!
• Lots of baseball previews.
• Nice week for Keith Van Horn.
• Andy Pettitte. Whatever.
• We miss you, Harry.
• The Marlins want your fat guys.
• The Harold Reynolds case may never begin.
• Man, you guys love Scott Van Pelt.
• Bob Knight, sold out by Lawrence Frank. Maybe.
• Mamula!
• Drew's new series debuted.

So, this Indiana situation should be interesting this weekend. We will likely sleep all the way through it. Unsilent Majority is your weekend parental unit, so enjoy his handiwork, and we'll see you on Monday.

You Shouldn't Wear That Body

Leitch — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 15:00:43 EST

The next time you come into our courtroom we hope you've got either a better defense, or a better class of client.

Some men, once they get a whiff of it, they trail you like a hound.

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Berman Videos Want To Be Free

Leitch — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:20:20 EST

• We tried out the Media Approval Ratings.
• We were in Seattle, Oak Brook, Champaign and St. Peters.
• John Rocker on steroids. Really.
• How to bond in Ohio.
• ESPN was protested, kind of.
• We talked to the guy releasing all the Berman videos, and then we just posted them ourselves.
• Goodbye, Dennis Miller. Again.
• Dog show!
• Brady Quinn, offending his main fan base.
• Pitchers and catchers!
• Roger Clemens did wonders for his reputation.

That'll do it for us; we have a one day hiatus in New York on Monday before hitting the East Coast swing of Boston, Philadelphia and Washington, D.C. next week. So we'll try to rest up. We are very proud to introduce a new member of the weekend rotation: It's Christmas Ape, from Kissing Suzy Kolber, joins our crew, so make sure to welcome as he pretends to car about the NBA All-Star Game. Have fun out there, and we'll see you Monday.

We Are Shiva, The God Of Death

Leitch — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 15:00:42 EST

We're not the guy you kill. We're the guy you buy! Are you so fucking blind that you don't even see what we are? We sold out Arthur for 80 grand. We're your easiest problem and you're gonna kill us?

Give us 50 dollars worth. Just drive.

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