Attention Jazz Fans! Come spend the Thanksgiving Holiday with your family at Fanzz Family Night at the Utah Jazz! This package includes 6 tickets and 6 hotdogs all for only $90.

Six tickets is a family plan in Salt Lake City. Also, there's no caffeinated Cokes in the package. We're sure it's because sodas are a money maker (not all of the four-packs provide drinks, either), but... yeah. We hope Larry Miller hasn't designated security guards to inspect the families to make sure they meet his strict standards.

(To uphold the Iracane tradition: your degree of difficulty for comments on this post is "no polygamy jokes". Don't be lazy.)

JAZZ: Fanzz Family Nights Utah Jazz 2008-09 [Utah Jazz]

Because...he would kill it? It's unclear as to what Marbury meant by that statement but the Knicks have had enough at this point. They've suspended Marbury for one game for conduct detrimental to the team and are reportedly investigating ways to either buy him out, release him, trade him, muzzle him, assassinate his dog — just to finally get rid of him.

Desperate Marbury Begs for Exit, Rips D'Antoni [NYP]

Marbury mess [Fanhouse]

Attendance figures are always a shaky measure, but in cities where the two sports compete head-to-head, the franchises are surprisingly even. And overall, the trends have not been good for the NBA; while the NHL is slowly winning back fans who left after the lockout. But even more ominous for the NBA is something called the "Enthusiasm Gap." Reporters who follow the league are saying that even when the seats are filled, nobody gives a crap.

What surprises me more than anything, though, is the general lack of enthusiasm from some of the crowds. For the most part, the crowds I've seen at Magic games are flatter than a pancake. Sure, there are some exciting moments, and, if asked, the fans are usually willing to get out of their seats and cheer. But, if it wasn't for the noise blaring from the speaker system, you would be able to hear Stan Van Gundy barking out orders on almost every possession.

Also, Stan Van Gundy can still find employment in the NBA, so that can't be good right? The NBA still dominates on TV (not hard) and in merchandise, but the future seems to be much brighter for puckheads than for whatever you call someone who loves pro basketball. Of course, there are also signs that franchises in both leagues may not survive the current economic "troubles." Could we soon see contraction? Bankruptcies? A NHL regular season game on network TV? Anything is possible, I suppose.

NHL vs. NBA: Hockey winning in attendance, fan enthusiasm? [Puck Daddy]
On the Hilarious Insecurity of Hockey Fans [Fanhouse]

"I honestly had no knowledge of Scott Brooks coming into today"

Even worse, this person actually researched Brooks and the most interesting fact that he took away from that investigation is that Brooks once played for the Albany Patroons of the CBA. A great franchise, yes, but this will not do.

You see, in the dark days of the mid-90s NBA, when the best basketball player on Earth was wasting his time playing baseball, the Houston Rockets were showing everybody what was what. It was during these difficult times that one man rose up to cheer on America. It was he, more than any other individual, who brought that title home to Houston and inspired a nation. That man was Scotty Brooks.

Brooks was like the über-Eckstein. Like Steve Kerr, Mark Madsen, and big piece of shoe leather all rolled into one. The undersized journeyman shooting guard bounced around several colleges and a couple of NBA teams before landing in Houston just in time for that magical run to the Bull-free Finals. He was the consummate bench player, waving his towels, cheering on his more notable teammates with gusto, but occasionally stepping into a game to drop a dagger 3-pointer on some hapless opponent.

He only played 23 minutes in five playoff games during that championship run, but his real contribution was the fighting spirit that he brought to that Rocket bench. Anyone who followed along during that gloriously dull summer will never forget what Scotty B. (that's what I liked to call him) brought to the table. He will be missed.

Oh, wait. I forgot he's still alive. This is actually his third stint as an "interim" NBA coach. (He's 2-6 so far.) The guy just keeps bouncing around, but hopefully OKC will forget to fire him at the end of the year and he'll stick for awhile. He'll always have a home at the end of the bench in our hearts.

Scott Brooks: Your New Skipper Of The Titanic! [The Howeva Files]
Thunder fire Carlesimo after 1-12 start [AP/Yahoo]
Scott Brooks Bio [NBA.com]
Scott Brooks [Wikipeida]
Scott Brooks [Basketball Reference]

• The Rockets won their fifth in as many games with a 100-95 win over Orlando. Yao Ming, my new favorite commercial star, had 22 points and 13 rebounds. Tracy McGrady and Rafter Alston each had 17 points while the Magic's Jameer Nelson led his team with 21 points and six assists. Dwight Howard spent the game in foul trouble and was not much of a factor.

• Dwayne Wade, Yao's commercial co-star, scored 38 points helping the Heat recover from 15 points down to beat the Pacers 109-100, despite feeling flu-like symptoms. Maybe it was something he ate.

• Despite playing with only seven players, the Knicks knocked off the Wizards 122-117 in an offensive battle. Quentin Richardson led the team with 34 points, with 7 three pointers. Nate Robinson contributed with 27 points, Wilson Chandler had 23, and David Lee had 22 points and 12 rebounds to hand the Wizards franchise their worst starting record in 40 years. I know he just got a contract extension, but can we fire Eddie Jordan. Please?

"He's been doing that his whole career, but I've never seen it firsthand," Harris said. "I was out there watching it just like everybody else."

Harris' performance came despite feeling a little pukey from his pre-game grilled cheese sandwich. Word on the street is that he left the game, threw up, and came back. All in attendance were glad he did it in that order.

• In other OT news, Dwight Howard had a double-double in Orlando's 100-98 win over Indiana. Howard finished with 24 points, 17 rebounds and five blocks. Unfortunately if your name is Dwight Howard, nobody is impressed. Especially teammate Jameer Nelson.

"It's not a shock to us when he has games like that anymore,'' Nelson said. "He's done it so many times in his career so far, we expect numbers like that from him. He's our guy and we expect him to do great things for us.''

Geez. Tough crowd.

• Elton Brand hit a 15 footer with less than a minute to go to give the 76ers the 89-88 win over the Clippers. This was Brand's first game against the team he jilted with no explanation after last season for an $80 million contract with Philadelphia. LA coach Mike Dunleavy is still playing the woman scorned.

"If he called me up and said, 'Coach, I know I told you I was coming back, but I think a situation came up that's better for my family, I'm going to move on,' then, hey, sorry to hear it, but I wish you the best and good luck," Dunleavy said before the game.

Yeah, right.

• I happened to be in attendance for the Wizards inspiring 103-91 loss to the Rockets. Washington held a number of leads as high as 12 points and managed to blow them all. The high point of the game was the unveiling of Gilbert Arenas' wax statue, a reminder to the fans who may have forgotten what Gilbert looks like in uniform.

• The Knicks took on the Bucks with a limited roster thanks to yesterday's trading frenzy so Stephon Marbury finally got his chance to play. He said no.

On why he would get in so many fights in school:

"I got ticked off by everything. If I came to school bummy, I'd be heated. Maybe my underwears wasn't washed. Maybe my moms couldn't wash my underwears, so I'm already pissed for the whole day. Or if my clothes weren't ready and I had to wear something I don't want to wear. I remember I had to come to school in purple pants, purple jeans. I was pissed. "

On the "Malice at the Palace" and why he didn't do anything wrong:

" I didn't grow up to let somebody throw something at me. I ain't grow up to really think about consequences."

On the domestic violence arrest from March 5, 2007, where he allegedly slapped and shoved his wife:

"Only people from the ghetto can understand that incident. No, that's not true. Any married couple that has problems can understand what happened. When you push or hit a female and, in some cases, curse and scream, you are going to jail. It wasn't something I was proud of."

Huh. Well, at least he wasn't proud of it.

There have only been about two dozen so far, of various lengths and entertainment value. For starters, Shaq either doesn't understand or doesn't respect the 140 character limit, because several of his messages end up producing disjointed out-of-order rants. He has two messages about Pete Newell, one that's just a picture of himself and another about Oprah. That sounds about right so far. Here are some of our favorites.

This is the second message, and is just seems like a shameless plug that the real Shaq would not stoop to. Or maybe he would....

Wanna see shaq uncut go to shaqtube.tv and just check out some of the funniest shaq videos and bloopers ever to hit the internet. ... ... 3:19 AM yesterday from txt

This should set everything straight ... I guess?

It said on the scrolling ticker tape jammy shaq would like to return to the lakers when his contract is up. Thats not true, this is the real shaq. If ... about 21 hours ago from txt

This one is just baffling....

I just texted gary payton, one of the greatest point guards ever

Now imagine receiving this series of texts, in this order....

Good morning everyone. Let me give you all a hint on how to relate to me, Shaquille O'neal I have a sense of humor I am very quotatious I am super intell ... 9:47 AM yesterday from txt

igent ( but i hide it, dont want anyone to kno i'm a geek) lol And finally, i say things to make you earthlings think. For example, How For example, How many legs would ... 9:47 AM yesterday from txt

g its tail a leg doesn't make it a leg..... A ha got you 9:47 AM yesterday from txt

a sheep have if you called its tail a leg? A smarty arty would say 5 < but the super intelligent specimen, such as my self would say ... 09:47 AM November 18, 2008 from txt

Lol? Really? There's lots of other stuff about yoga and massages, but this one is the best so far and maybe hard to top.

On my way to practice, running late and i got stop by the cops, aaaaaaaggh about 3 hours ago from txt

Kazaam!

The REAL Shaq Is REALLY Twittering [Alana G]
THE_REAL_SHAQ [Twitter]

Karl explained to the Denver Post yesterday that Iverson is a great player who will thrive in the veteran lineup of Detroit. But if he never pollutes George's gameplan again, it will be too soon.

"There are less bad plays, more solid plays," Karl said. "I think the wasteful, cheap possessions that we used to have 10 to 15 a game, they don't exist very much anymore."

Me-ow. But is that just praise of Billups or a backhanded slap at All... oh, you're just going to call him out now? Proceed.

"We have contested-shot charts, bad-shot charts and cheap defensive possessions," Karl said. "I would say that when A.I. was here, we had most games in the teens of contested, tough shots, sometimes in the 20s. And I don't think we've had a double-digit one since (Billups has) been here.

"I don't think there's any question coaching a team for many minutes, without a passing and point guard mentality, is frustrating for a coach. Sometimes I saw something, but I couldn't get it done on the court because I didn't have a playmaker out there."

"A.I., at times, had trouble trusting the guy he's throwing it to," Karl said.

Not a playmaker? That's one way to put it. Another way to put it is that he has the third-highest scoring average in NBA history and doesn't trust his teammates because he's better than they are. The important thing is that you shouldn't hide your feelings.

Karl to A.I.: "Don't let the door hit you on the way out"... [Denver Stiffs]
Point guard praise: Billups over A.I. [Denver Post]
Photo: AP

The best-slash-worst part of the photo is the fact that pretty much every personality type in Boston is represented here. It's like the cover of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, but worse. There's the angry old man who should probably be hanging out with people his own age. And there's the young shaved-head party guy. And the late-30s red-faced party guy. The tattooed party guy. The quasi-hipster party guy. The blond party girl. The brunette party girl. The other blond party girl. They're all here. Every texture and flavor of the Boston area is covered in full.

And all the while, there's drug-promoter and all-around goofball Pollard, the Steven St. Croix of the NBA if you will, watching over the proceedings like the King of Douche Court. Somebody sign this guy already.

*not, in fact, true

After the first quarter ended last night and the Sixers found themselves with 13 points on the board to the Pacers 38, it looked like Mo Cheeks should spend half time working on his resume. The play of the Sixers in the second half leads you to believe Mo opted to preach some defense instead. It's not really a secret anymore but Thaddeus Young is going to be a baller in the NBA. ThadYo scored a career high 25 points and helped lead the Sixers come back from as many as 26 points down.

Detroit 106, Los Angeles 95 - Motor City had their way in Hollywood last night as Allen Iverson and the Pistons looked like a championship-caliber team, handing the Lakers their first loss of the season. From playing solid defense keeping Kobe Bryant in check to lights out shooting, the Pistons were simply on all night. Avery Johnson last night on SportsCenter said he believes this match up is likely a preview of this year's NBA Finals. Wonder what Boston has to say about that?

Denver 94, Boston 85 - The Chauncey Billups trade seems to be working for everyone as the Nuggets hand the C's their first home loss of the season.

NOLA 87, Portland 82 - Grandpa Oden reached double digits for the first time in his young NBA career. Despite nice bench contributions from Oden and everyone's favorite Spaniard, Rudy Fernandez, the Blazers couldn't hang with the Hornets. Chris Paul had a solid stat line of 17, 9, 6, and 4 in the win.

Miami 97, Washington 77 - I find that any team from DC is fairly easy to dislike, especially when they're without Agent Zero. The Wade-Beasley duo led the way with 24 and 19, respectively.

Full NBA Scoreboard for Friday

It all happened at the US Airways Center late in the third quarter, and began when Suns forward Matt Barnes lowered his shoulder and rammed into Houston guard Rafer Alston, who was setting a high screen. Alston came back to confront Barnes in the middle of the floor, and ... wait, is that Steve Nash's entrance music? Nash suddenly shows up and starts punching people's knees and biting ankles, until McGrady throws the hobbit-like guard to the floor. A few shoves by Ming — but they are gentle shoves, sprinkled with kindness — and now here's Shaq! His shoves are not so benign — it's not his fault he is the biggest and the strongest! — and now Suns coach Terry Porter is getting in the middle of everything. Bad idea; that tie makes for an excellent handle.

The Rockets won, 94-82. Barnes:

"They're not going to screen me hard," said Barnes, who was ejected along with Alston. "So I ran through a screen and he didn't like that. You've always got to watch out for your team, especially for your star point guard. I don't really know what he was thinking. He thinks he's tough so he ran up on me. It was just a bunch of pushing."

Alston:

"He just took a cheap shot at me. If you look at the replay, the ref is standing there watching it. It was a dirty play. He raised his arm. Good thing he didn't connect and knock my teeth out. I was just setting a screen. We were trying to get a two-for-one. I don't know if he was frustrated by his game or their game or whatever was going on but there was no call for that. There was no call for my reaction really but sometimes when you someone goes at you like that, you just react."

Nash:

"He (Alston) ran at Matt so I tried to get in there and help Matt. Just making sure he wasn't outnumbered over there and try to diffuse the situation and I got pushed to the ground. After that, it just all kind of happened so quickly."

Here's another angle.

There were two ejections and seven technicals. Oh, and O'Neal's 18 points pushed him past John Havlicek to 10th place on the NBA career scoring list with 26,402. He's now 267 points behind ninth-place Dominique Wilkins.

And the most amazing part of all of this? About the only player not involved in the fight was Ron Artest.

Skirmish Erupts In Suns' Loss [Arizona Republic]

Anyway, now it looks like 'Melo might be facing yet another "Average Joe" problem that we've all had to deal with at one time or another: He might lose his personal chef to President-elect Barack Obama.

Yes, in addition to all the other important things he has to do - like fixing the economy and stopping that invasion of killer space monkey clones from the future - Obama has to select the new White House chef. Candidates include Rick Bayless ("of Topolobampo fame"), Art Smith (Oprah's personal chef) and Daniel Young, who cooked for Obama at the Democratic National Convention and is Anthony's personal chef.

That would be a real bummer for 'Melo. Losing AI and his chef? If I hear his posse members start defecting to join Kobe's posse, We might need to send him a fruit basket or something. He'd probably be grateful for the eats.

Yes, we can cook [Boston.com]

Calderon had been taunting him at the other end. And at least all of this shows that Garnett is fully invested emotionally in the Celtics season. That kind of fire don't grow on trees. Oh, the Celtics beat the Raptors, 94-87.

Now, final observation: How is there no whistle here? There was less taunting in the mooning-the-English scene from Braveheart.

Image: Comcast, via Reds Army.

Garnett + Calderon = Return Of Matty G [Reds Army]
Kevin Garnett And Jose Calderon Talking Trash [NESW Sports]

I used to see The Tuba Man outside of SuperSonics games at Key Arena, at the south end of Safeco Field, and around town, outside of the Seattle Opera and other places. Edward McMichael was never without his trusty tuba, the perfect accompaniment for the state of Seattle sports, at least in recent years. But McMichael, 53, died recently after being beaten and robbed by a group of teenagers in downtown Seattle on Oct. 25. He died of apparent injuries two days later. Police arrested two suspects on the scene and are looking for three more.

A memorial is set for Wednesday night at Qwest Field Events Center.

From the Seattle Post-Inteliigencer:

He could have made a living in a band but chose to play for tips outdoors. Even in the rain, he would set a bucket at his feet for tip money, right next to jugs of his favorite drink, either V8 or Sunny Delight. Then he would purse his lips to his contrabass tuba — "My baby," he called it — and create low, noble sounds.

McMichael appreciated when people would stop and listen, or leave a buck or two. But for him just meeting folks was the biggest reward. "That's what I value most," he said when I caught up with him last year. "People."

Goodbye, Tuba Man. You will be missed.

Violence Takes Iconic Tuba Man [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

From Yahoo! Sports:

Iverson had 24 points and six assists after finally getting to suit up. Detroit played twice since the trade Monday with Denver that sent Chauncey Billups, Antonio McDyess and Cheikh Samb to the Nuggets for the nine-time All-Star. Iverson was not available for the first game and was not permitted to play the second because Billups had not completed his physical with the Nuggets.[...]

Iverson played the entire opening quarter, scoring 11 points, making all three shots from the field, including a 3-pointer, while going 4-for-4 from the free throw line as the Pistons raced to a 27-14 lead.

“It was a good feeling for me,” Iverson said. “I haven’t been able to play for a while so it was good to get back on the basketball court. I’ll try to get a little bit of my rust off.”

Iverson's existence in a team-first environment will be appointment viewing this season, and arguably one of the few reasons to keep tabs on the Eastern Conference (the Celtics notwithstanding). The balance of the Pistons' schedule should indicate whether Dumars' theory on Iverson's maturity was suitable enough to be put into...practice.

They won't waive him, they won't buy out his contract, they won't trade him, and they sure as hell aren't going to put him into an actual game. Nope—they're just going to make him sit there every night collecting his fat check and keep his mouth shut, because even though he's healthy, talented and willing to play ... he's dead to them.

"It is a lot of money," D'Antoni said. "He has a contract, rightly so. If somebody gets hurt, we might need him. Why not? Steph has been great. He is part of the team. We are trying to do what is best for the Knicks."

Walsh said the case is "closed" on the Marbury controversy. Walsh said that he leaves playing time decisions to his coaches and does not interfere. Still, why keep Marbury on the team if there are no plans to play him?

"He is a good player," Walsh said.

Yeah, he's a good player. We just want nothing to do with him and would prefer to light $21 million in cash on fire, rather then let him get one assist in a game. It's that kind of solid, rational decision making that's going to put this franchise back on top.

"Knicks to pay Marbury $21.9 million to ride bench" [ESPN]

Johnson put some flash into his campaign with the backing of basketball royalty Shaquille O’Neal, Magic Johnson and Charles Barkley. He wants to raise the profile of his hometown and bemoans his city’s image beside the likes of Los Angeles and San Francisco. “We should be a destination place,” he said leading to the election.

Um, good luck with that. Johnson pulled out the victory despite several thorny issues from his past, one of which involved some alleged smooching with underage girls. There were also the reports that he's a slumlord, and that, hilariously, he was caught last week in city hall after hours sitting in the mayor's chair. But no matter, he's in, and now you can rest assured that the Kings aren't going anywhere.

Elsewhere in that strange netherworld where sports and politics collide:

• Yes Heath Can. Despite the pleas of shellshocked Redskins fans to remove him from their D.C. midst, former NFL quarterback Heath Shuler will return for another term in the House. Shuler, a Heisman Trophy runner-up at Tennessee who played quarterback for the Redskins and Saints, is a North Carolina Democrat from the 11th district. He beat Carl Mumpower, whose main political strategy seemed to be this Photoshop creation.

• Today Pickens County, Tomorrow The White House. Sam Wyche, who coached the Bengals when they lost to the 49ers in the 1989 Super Bowl, won a seat on the Pickens County Council in South Carolina, running as a Republican. Ironically, Wyche, once a quarterback at Furman, won by carrying the district that includes Clemson University.

• Joe The Pummeler. Joe Mesi, a heavyweight who once had to leave boxing due to bleeding in his brain, lost a New York state Senate seat to Republican Michael Ranzenhoferg. This despite Mesi having the backing of Buffalo Sabres owner B. Thomas Golisano.

• Turn Those Machines Back On! Peter Boulware, who cracked heads at linebacker for Florida State and the Baltimore Ravens, was vying for a seat in Florida state legislature, and appears headed for a recount.

• And The One You've All Been Waiting For ... San Francisco's Proposition R, which would have authorized changing the name of the city's Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant to the George W. Bush Sewage Plant, encountered a shitstorm of opposition, losing 69 percent to 31 percent.

And now, a very special message from Chris Bosh:

Kevin Johnson The New Mayor Of Sacramento [NBCSports]

For starters, McDyess isn't going anywhere. The Nuggets will buy out his contract—which under the league's convoluted salary rules somehow makes them money. Then they will waive him, he'll wait 30 days and re-sign with Detroit for less money. Samb ("as big a project that there has ever been") is headed to the D-League and may never contribute a single thing ever. So essentially, it's a straight-up trade that the Nuggets believe makes their starting lineup into an actual basketball team and saves them cash. As long as no one tells Chauncey that he's 32 years old.

The Nuggets players seemed disappointed, but coach George Karl is not. "If you look at my history, I've always had good point guards, and we've gotten away with winning (here) without an all-star caliber point guard." That's a polite way of saying, "You're no Gary Payton." Billiups isn't either, but he will pass the ball sometimes and has "always dreamed of winning a championship with the Nuggets," which is sort of like dreaming that Superman would come to your birthday party, but he was just a kid.

For the Pistons, this is a low-risk, high-reward gamble. Obviously, they're good enough to reach the conference finals, but no one believes they're going any further without some change. So they take two big contracts off the books and pray Iverson blows up for the final year of his contract, dribbles circles around Paul Pierce come playoff time, then the Knicks give him $50 million while Detroit polishes another trophy. But in the worst case scenario, they're no better off than they were last year, Iverson leaves anyway, and they start over next summer with a clean slate and more money to play with. Rasheed Wallace now has competition for craziest athlete in the building, but at the very least we'll get a few laughs out of that.

Other results from the big trade: Juwan Howard is out of a job (at least until the McDyess situation is resolved) and Woody Paige threw out his tail bone attempting to pull off a very tortured chess metaphor. Seriously, I have no idea what that guy is saying. J.R. Smith is a rook or something?

How about that hair? The most important question of all though: Will Rodney Stuckey get to keep the his No. 3 jersey? Inquiring minds want to know!

Nuggets ship A.I. to Detroit for Billups [Denver Post]
Looking into the costs of the Billups/McDyess trade... [Denver Stiffs]
Roster Analysis: Detroit Pistons Trade Billups and McDyess to Denver Nuggets for Iverson [Indignant Sports]
Bearings On My T-Shirt [Free Darko]
Photo: AP

I love the one kid's immediate response: Kick the giant bear in the nuts. Al Davis will follow your progress closely, young one.

Houston Introduces Its Secret Weapon [VOOT]

Part salary cap move, part "we have to try something new", this is one of those deals that has the potential to shake up future playoff races in both conferences—or their respective player contributions will offset each other and both teams will end up right back where they started. Either way.

There are others infinitely more qualified than myself to discuss the X's and O's of this move, but the fact remains that even if he's on the back side of his career, the name "Allen Iverson" still perks up ears. The Pistons have been to the conference finals six years in a row, but haven't won since 2004, so adding a dynamic player like him gives fans a new reason to hope. On the other hand, Chauncey Billups is a big reason they've gone to those conference finals and he's a fan favorite. Are Pistons fans excited or angry now? Do Denver fans feel burned by the too-brief AI Experience? Will I have nightmares about Kelly Tripucka tonight? The answer to at least one of those questions has to be yes.

Pistons near deal for Allen Iverson [Detroit News]
If true, this is a good trade for both teams... [Denver Stiffs]

• Good thing Boston didn't keep that Posey guy; he's useless: The Hornets' big free-agent acquisition from this past summer shut down LeBron James at crunch time, and hit an enormous three to seal the victory for New Orleans. Posey's teammate, Chris Paul, had a typically brilliant game - 24 points, 15 assists - to help the Hornets maintain an unblemished record.

• Melo Got a Haircut: Carmelo's new 'do didn't help his game much, as he shot atrociously in his season debut. The Lakers continued their domination of the Nuggets, with Kobe leading the way by scoring 33 - including all the big buckets down the stretch, as he is wont to do.

• Hurry Back, Old Man: Portland could sure have used Greg Oden's size under the basket against Phoenix last night. Amare Stoudemire (23 and 13) and Shaquille O'Neal (16 and 8) toyed with the big men that the Blazers trotted out, and used a decisive third quarter to snuff the life out of Portland.

• Pacers Play Dragon-Slayers: The Celtics suffered their first loss of the young season, and it came courtesy of the young Pacers. Indy gave the home folks a reason to smile, as they romped the defending champs. Danny Granger, who signed a long-term extension with the team on Friday night, showed the team that he's willing to work extra-hard for the money. “It was a hell of a hustle play,” coach Jim O’Brien said. “He pressured up on Pierce, got a deflection, dove face first. I went out to say, ‘great job,’ he smiled at me and he didn’t have any teeth.”

• Joe Johnson for Mayor: Johnson sunk the Sixers with a ridiculously long three late in the fourth quarter, giving the Hawks their second win of the year. The bomb capped a 23-point comeback for the Hawks, who at 2-0, are enjoying their best start in a decade.

As you might imagine, the root of the problem lies with Stephon Marbury who (along with Isiah's other "prime" acquisition Eddy Curry) did not play in the home opener. And not because he didn't want to. D'Antoni wants to do what's "best for the future" and that maybe means benching his aging, overpriced, and disgruntled point guard. That didn't sit well with Starbury fans who began chanting his name with the Knicks ahead in the second half.

With some in the Garden crowd surprisingly chanting "We Want Steph" with 11:10 remaining in the fourth (others booed the chant), a stewing D'Antoni was caught on MSG Network cameras Wednesday in a tirade, mouthing:

"You've got to be (bleeping) kidding me. You've got to be (bleeping) kidding me. What a bunch of (bleep) holes."

Bleeping! That's bad, right? D'Antoni apologized, of course, and offered a reasonable explanation for the outburst—fans are dumb:

"Sometimes I don't think the fans quite get it," D'Antoni said. "It's like who you draft. They're going to boo. When you make a big decision, someone's going to like it, someone's not. You'll hear from the people who don't.

"Did I look exasperated?" D'Antoni added. "I was into the game. You get so much adrenaline at that point and you react. I'm into the game, into the moment. Sometimes I can be better than that. I'll make mistakes. I'll do better."

Well, that should make the notoriously patient and forgiving New York fans rest easy. He'll get better! They probably can't even imagine a situation in which it would get worse, right?

• Mike And Mike Need To Keep It Together [Deuce of Davenport]
• Lip Readers and Idle Star Put D’Antoni on Hot Seat [NY Times]

Reader Chris Corley comes through with the Williams look; so uncanny you'll say, dadgumit! And here are some other fun Halloween costume ideas (I like Eli Manning as Superman). Also, some NHL-inspired ones.

Have a great night, and remember kids, stay away from downtown Philadelphia!

Drew Gooden Opens '08-'09 Season With A Triple-Double ... In Sex Appeal [The Sporting Blog]

When last we saw them: Finished 43-39, second in the Southeast Division and fifth overall in the East. Suffered what is becoming their annual "Elimination by the Cleveland Cavaliers" in the first round of the playoffs.

Can't feel their faces: Dee Brown, JaVale McGee, Juan Dixon

Can feel his face: Roger Mason

The Good: The Wizards generate some of the best player nicknames in the league: Agent Zero, the Black President, Hibachi, Tough Juice, Ocho, the Locksmith, Mister 50, Big Oily, the Poet, the City, Bean Burrito, The White Hole, Gypsy Number 9...why, they've even nicknamed their A and B teams (Big Money and Little Money). They spent a gajillion dollars over the summer to retain two parts of their three-man core. And since it's unlikely other teams would trade for the gajillion-dollar contracts of Agent Zero Knee Cartilage and Antawn "Why don't I have a cool nickname?" Jamison, they'll probably be Wizards for life. Gilbert Arenas can put up a lot of points (when healthy) and be a potent playmaker (once his own shot-lust is satiated). Antawn Jamison continues to score (21.4 PPG) and rebound (10.2) despite being on the other side of 30. Caron Butler has developed into a big-time basket maker (20.3 PPG), an above-average boardsman (6.7 RPG) and a latter-day point forward (4.9 APG). DeShawn Stevenson doesn't back down to anybody. Andray Blatche, Antonio Daniels, Nick Young and newcomer Juan Dixon should give them okay production off the pine. Etan Thomas is back. Oh, and hey, they ranked fifth in free throw percentage (78.2) last season!

The Bad: They spent a gajillion dollars over the summer to retain two parts of their three-man core. Don't get me wrong. I love Gilbert Arenas. I do. He's a funny guy and a natural born entertainer. But I didn't see the Wizards offering Dane Cook a $100 million contract over the summer. Hibatchi is a volume shooter who, over the course of his career, hits about 42 percent of his field goal attempts. His teams have never won anything of significance. His knees continue to betray him. Oh, and the Wiz actually seemed to play better without him last season. Jamison is in his 30s and coming off a knee injury, so it's likely his effectiveness is going to diminish. DeShawn Stevenson may be an hombre, but he also has a very limited skill set...only he doesn't quite realize it. Brendan Haywood, last year's surprise player, is expected to miss most of the season while recovering from wrist surgery. They often get too caught up in trash-talk battles. Although this team won 43 games last season, advanced mathematics and voodoo tell us that they weren't even that good. The reason? Washington was painfully mediocre (or worse) in almost every conceivable category: 30th in opponents' three-point percentage (38.6), 27th in assists (19.6), 22nd in field goal percentage (44.6), 20th in opponents' field goal percentage (46.1), 19th in free throw attempts (24.3), 17th in three-point percentage (35.6), 15th in point differential (-0.3), 14th in scoring (98.8), 14th in rebound differential (+0.40) and 12th in points allowed (99.2). So, you know, it's hard to imagine this team becoming a serious contender with or without Arenas.

Fun Facts: Name drama! The Wizards franchise began as the Chicago Packers in 1961-62. The next season, they changed their name to the Zephyrs. In 1963, the franchise moved to Baltimore and became the Baltimore Bullets. In 1974, they moved to Washington and became the Capital Bullets, but that name was changed to the Washington Bullets one year later. In 1995, owner Abe Pollin announced that the franchise was to be renamed because Bullets sounds really scary and Washington, at that time, was the murder capital of the United States. A contest was held to choose a new name and the choices were narrowed to the Dragons, Express, Stallions, Sea Dogs, or Wizards. (Personally, I'm bummed out that Sea Dogs wasn't chosen.) On May 15, 1997, the Bullets officially became the Washington Wizards. The change generated some controversy because Wizard is a rank in the Ku Klux Klan. This proves, once again, that you can and will offend one or more people no matter what you do. On to other subjects. The franchise has produced only one MVP: Wes Unseld in 1969. The team has also produced three Most Improved Players: Pervis Ellison (1992), Don MacLean (1994) and Gheorghe Mureşan (1996). Of course, those players immediately de-improved after winning the award...

Videotastic extra: And now...Agent Zeroes funniest hits!

I am a big NFL fan. But my passion for that league looks like a mere dalliance when compared to the fantastically obsessive adoration the people at FreeDarko have for the NBA. I mean, they previewed every fucking GAME of the season, for shit’s sake. You know, for those of you who need to know the outcome of the April 1st Wizards/Grizzlies game RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT!

Anyway, if you’re the sort of person who loves both the NBA and meticulous writing that you know is good but often sails directly over your head and out into the far reaches of space, Shoals and the gang have just the book for you. It’s such a pretty book, I feel bad that I got so much fudge all over its insides.

But, even better, they have a site for the book that includes excerpt widgets that you can embed into your own site, as you can see above. Because, as a blogger, nothing makes me happier than someone providing me with cool shit to fill up dead space with. God bless those crazy bastards.

"The only thing I can say is maybe he has some stipulation in his contract," Hall said of Thomas' rationale for telling a New York Post reporter on Friday afternoon that the incident involved his 17-year-old daughter and not him. "If he takes drugs or whatever they may not owe him the $18 million. I have no idea."

Police have also said they don't thin kit was a suicide attempt because there was no note and no history of depression from the 47-year-old individual not name Isiah Thomas who accidentally overdosed on what was previously reported as sleeping pills. And Thomas' buddy and former teammate, Mark Aquirre, said this as well:

"We grew up on the West Side of Chicago," Aguirre said. "Ain't no more down than that . . . You'd never get me to believe that, not the way we fought all our lives just to survive."

So suicide isn't in the equation for people who grew up hard on the West Side of Chicago. But popping sleeping pills and selling out your daughter — totally street!

Even Isiah's friends getting silent treatment [Newsday]
Police offer sequence of events in Isiah emergency [Newsday]

When last we saw them: Finished 54-28, first in the Northwest Division and fourth overall in the West. Lost to the Lakers in the Western Conference Semifinals in part because they fouled Kobe 752 times, of which about 837 were called.

Reluctantly moved to Salt Lake City: Ante Tomic, Brevin Knight, Kosta Koufos, Tadija Dragicevic...okay, now seriously, those non-Brevin Knight names were made up, right?

Gleefully left Salt Lake City: Dee Brown (Jerry Sloan is a great coach, but I guess he can't teach height), Jason Hart

The Good: Jerry Sloan runs a tight ship. He also makes a mean quiche, but his hobbies aren't important right now. Sloan-coached teams are always taught to play a certain style. It's called: Playing Basketball The Way It's Supposed To Be Played. Now, PBTWISTBP leads to focus on defense and discipline on offense, and that has made the Jazz outstanding in several areas. Last season, those areas included the following: 2nd in field goal percentage (49.7), 2nd in assists (26.4), 2nd in free throw attempts (28.0), 3rd in steals (8.7), 3rd in forcing turnovers (15.9), 4th in point differential (+6.9), 4th in rebound differential (+3.07), 5th in scoring (106.2) and 10th in three-point percentage (37.2). Not bad considering that Utah doesn't have a bunch of amazing athletes or a LeBron-level superduperstar. Still, they have talent, and that starts with their All-Star duo of Deron Williams (18.8 PPG, 10.6 APG, 51 percent shooting) and Carlos Boozer (21.1 PPG, 10.4 RPG, 55 percent shooting). These guys fit into Sloan's system so well you'd think Jerry built them in a lab. (And, really, are we sure he didn't?) Williams makes guys better, period, and Boozer is a force in the paint and on the boards. The supporting cast also play their roles to perfection. Mehmet Okur can clean the glass and draw opposing big men out of the paint with his long-distance shooting. Andrei Kirilenko defends as if his life depends on it (and knowing Sloan, it probably does) and is a nightly five-by-five threat (when he's not sulking over a lack of shot attempts). Kyle Korver is the three-point specialist. Matt Harpring is the muscle and toughness. Ronnie Brewer is their Intangible Man (although, come to think of it, 12 PPG on 56 percent shooting is pretty tangible). And Brevin Knight is the perfect backup PG in a Sloan system. Oh, and it's also worth noting that the Jazz are nearly invincible at home: Last season, they were an NBA-best 37-4 in the Mormon-filled confines of EnergySolutions Arena.

The Bad: As noted, the Jazz certainly are focused on defense. But "focused" doesn't always mean "successful." The Jazz just don't have a lot of athletes. Read that: They are a slow, plodding team. Their interior defense is soft (Okur) and undersized (Boozer). Moreovers, they often get killed in one-on-one matchups and have to resort to what is known as "The Hack." They were dead last in the league in committing personal fouls (1970) and giving up free throw attempts (2468). Hey, if it's true that defense wins championships - and it certainly has been for most of the decade - then it's also true that a lack of defense loses them. Defense isn't the only concern for this team. Boozer had a well-documented playoff flameout: His averages dropped like a stong (16.0 PPG on 41.5 percent shooting). And he looked pretty out of place on Team USA this summer. AND it's a contract year for him. So who knows what the Jazz can expect from him. Kirilenko is an on-again, off-again head case. Matt Harpring can't seem to stay healthy (his latest affliction, an ankle infection, cost him preseason preparation). Their depth at center (Jarron Collins, Kosta Koufos) is gak-worthy.

Fun Facts: The Jazz attempted 39 percent of their shots from inside (six feet or closer) last season...best in the league. Due in part to the persistent begging and pleading of Deron Williams, Jazz introductions at EnergySolutions Arena will now have the same dramatic music and lighting as every other team in the league. Jerry Sloan must be thrilled. Speaking of Utah's home court, the Jazz are 68-14 there over the last two seasons. Only the Dallas Mavericks (70-12) have had a better home record. I know this always gets a lot of press, but Sloan has been Utah's head man for 21 seasons! Dude's NEVER going away. Mehmet Okur hit 114 threes last season. Not surprisingly, that tops among NBA centers.

Videotastic extra: Ouch.

Cavaliers versus Celtics: The sheer hyperbole from this epic contest might cause you to spontaneously develop several open wounds. In fact, I've already got a pulpy nosebleed from just thinking about it. You will THRILL to the exploits of the world champion Boston Celtics! You will PEE YOURSELF as LeBron James makes us rethink what it means to be human! You will BE AMAZED by a thrilling duel between two teams battling for Eastern Conference Supremacy!

Actually, it'll probably be a slogfest between two rusty teams that are trying to dust off the preseason cobwebs and figure out their rotations. However, King James did note that "I know I've improved five times than I was in Game 7 of the Boston series." Wow, LeBron. Really? Five times better than 45, 5 and 6? I guess we can expect 225 points, 25 rebounds and 30 assists tonight. Which, I'll admit, would be pretty spectacular. And if his mom shows up, things could get really crazy.

Bucks versus Bulls: Ah, a matchup of teams for which the words "disappointing" and "underachieving" was used so often last season that they - or words like them - should probably be added to the team names. (My vote: Chicago "Can't believe they were picked to win the East last year" Bulls and Milwaukee "Yup, they're still in Milwaukee" Bucks. But I'm open to other suggestions.)

There are a few reasons to watch, though. Like Chicago's Derrick Rose. He might be a superstar in the making. Regarding Rose, teammate Luol Deng said, "He's going to make guys better." Here's hoping he starts with you, Luol. Another reason to tune in (assuming you get WGN where you're at) would be to see if Scott Skiles gets his revenge against the team that fired him on Christmas eve, which might include a Bucks victory and/or random acts of vandalism. (I'm thinking he'll either TP the Bulls' locker room or defecate on the Jordan statue outside of the United Center.)

Blazers versus Lakers: It's the Team of the Future versus the Team of Today. But the real joint of interest will be Surgically Repaired Knee (Greg Oden) versus Surgically Repaired Knee (Andrew Bynum). It'll also be interesting to see how Kobe deals with his fatigue. I mean, dude is flat-out exhausted. But not because of last season's 82-game gulag, the road to the Finals and the summer's Olympic experience. He just returned from the past, where he barely survived a failed attempt to destroy Michael Jordan before MJ could be born. Even though his plan didn't succeed, it just proves once again that Kobe will do whatever it takes to be the greatest player of all time.

In discussing ways in which the Knicks should be improved this season, Barkley said, "I think they have a better coach. This coach probably won't try to kill himself." [...]

Barkley, usually not one to shy from potentially insensitive remarks, seemed to sense his attempt at humor had crossed a line. "That's my fault," he said.

Chris Mottram, the Sporting Blog's resident staff sergeant, had this to say about the slip-up:

Part of Barkley's appeal is a style that is always this close to some kind of disaster. Here, he walked right into it and I suspect, earned some respect from his critics by admitting his mistake. Though I see it as him realizing that, for once, the act he'd worked so hard to perfect during his time in the public eye sometimes just won't cut it.

Well, maybe this will at least encourage Charles to hire a speech writer when he does start stumping in Alabama.

Boo! Knicks Too Scary for TNT [Newsday]
Charles Barkley: 'At Least The Knicks Have a Coach Who Won't Try To Kill Himself' [Sporting News]
Links: Lunch With Kenny and Charles [SLAM! Online]

When last we saw them: Finished 56-26, second in the Southwest Division and tied for second overall in the West. Eliminated by the Lakers in the Western Conference Finals after Manu Ginobili blew a tire.

New: George Hill, Roger Mason, Salim Stoudamire

Oooooold: Brent Barry, Damon Stoudamire, Robert Horry

The Good: You know, any 2008-09 San Antonio Spurs preview is going to read like most 2007-08 Spurs previews. Tim Duncan is one of the best power forwards ever, one of the best centers ever, and one of the best forward-centers ever. Nothing's changed there. (Nor has the fact that he will remain boring and overlooked...except by the people who fall all over themselves to remark on how overlooked he is.) Tony Parker can get to the hoop at will and stick that little midrange jumper more often than you think he should. Manu Ginobili drives, shoots and flops as well as anybody. (And, actually, he flops better than just about anybody.) Gregg Popovich will use his mad scientist-like genius to manage the Three Amigos' minutes and make all the spare parts play with surprising effectiveness. They will continue to be a smothering defensive team while running a precise and efficient (read that: slow and boring) offense. In other words: Same old, same old. To spice things up, here are a few words from Liston of Introducing Liston: "Uh, duh, we're the Spurs. We run shit. We have Tim Duncan and, in case you hadn't heard, he's a super robot sent back in time to do two things: (1) win championships, and (2) wear button-up shirts with anime on them like a total hardass. And don't give me any of that 'Well, you guys are old and Manu is already hurt and Tony's jumper is, for the most part, unreliable again and last year Chris Paul and Kobe Bryant showed how someone intent on driving into the lane can totally make you guys look like crap' crap."

The Bad: They're old. Yes, again, just like they were last season. Only, you know, plus one year. Bruce Bowen is 37, Kurt Thomas is 36, Michael Finley is 35, Fabricio Oberto and Jacque Vaughn are both 33, Duncan is 32 and Ume Idoka is 31. Hell, the Spurs had to leave Robert Horry and Damon Stoudamire unsigned just so they could go to McDonald's and buy coffee without having the senior citizen discount forced on them. At some point, they're going to have to restock the shelves with some young, top-tier talent. Right? Ginobili isn't expected back until mid-December due to ankle surgery, and that guy is wicked-important to everything the Spurs do (including shoe-tying Rubik's cube-solving and bathroom-going). According to some complex metrics and voodoo doctoring, the Spurs completely forgot how to make pointage at the end of last season and into the playoffs. And, in case you didn't know, the NBA still requires teams to outscore them opponents to claim victory. Now, more from Liston: "The Spurs are old and Manu is already hurt and Tony's jumper is, for the most part, unreliable again and last year Chris Paul and Kobe Bryant showed how someone intent on driving into the lane can totally make us look like crap."

Fun Facts: Last season, Manu Ginobili was fourth - behind LeBron, Kobe Bryant and Dirk Nowitzki - in clutch scoring, netting five points per 48 minutes of "clutch time" (the last five minutes of the fourth quarter or overtime). Tony Parker has shot an average of 52.2 percent since 2005-06, and no guard has shot better in that time period. TD has snared 595 double-doubles since the start of the 1997-98 season, second only to Kevin Garnett (605). Still more from Liston: "Gregg Popovich grew a beard over the summer and, to quote myself, 'Having a beard is like using your face to silently tell people, I will fight you simply because it's Tuesday. With regard to masculinity, it's the penultimate facial accessory. It's less clichéd than a mustache, more intentional than a scar (that might be the official slogan, actually). Essentially, that fact alone should guarantee another 'ship. And, honestly, I'd be surprised if we lost one game this year.'"

Videotastic extra: And now you, too, have been Ginobili'd.

When last we saw them: Finished 41-41, second in the Atlantic Division and sixth overall in the East. Season ended in the first round as they played Lex Luthor to Orlando's Superman. Actually, they lost in five games, so they were more like the Terrible Toyman than Luthor.

Welcome to Canada: Jermaine O'Neal, Jermaine O'Neal's giant contract, Jermaine O'Neal's history of injuries, Hassan Adams, Nathan Jawai (is that the plural of "Jawa"?), Roko Ukic (sounds like an enemy of the mighty Thor), Willie Solomon

So long ya hosers: Carlos Delfino, Maceo Baston, Primoz Brezec, Rasho Nesterovic, T.J. Ford

The Good: For starters, the Raptors could do much worse than having Chris Bosh as their franchise player: Dude averaged 22.3 PPG and 8.7 RPG last season, and he was Team USA's best big man in the Olympics. Over the summer, Bryan Colangelo transformed "me, me, ME first" point guard T.J. Ford (and some other garbage) into big man Jermaine O'Neal, who can provide scoring both inside and out (mostly out), rebounding (9+ per game from 2001 to 2007), and interior defense (just a shade under 2.0 blocks per game for his career). And trading Ford means that controls to the machine have been turned over to Jose Calderon, who really was the team's best PG last season: He averaged 11.2 PPG and 8.3 APG, was a dead-eye shooter (51.9 percent from the field and 42.9 percent from downtown), and led the NBA in assist-to-turnover ratio (see Fun Facts). And his numbers were even better in the 48 games he started: 13.2 PPG, 8.8 APG and only 1.9 TOV. In 2007-08, Toronto was second in the NBA in three-point field goal percentage (39.2) thanks to the extreme heat generated by Jason Kapono (48.3 percent) and Anthony Parker (43.8). And it's not like those numbers were one-season aberrations: Kapono is the NBA all-time leader in career three-ball percentage at 46.4, and Parker ranks seventh at 42.5. Having not one but two quality big men in the post should mean many more open shots from the outside this season. And although the team disappointed by winning only 41 games last year, there's reason to believe there was some unmined gold under the frozen tundra: According to basketball-refernece.com, the Raptor's Pythagorean W-L record was 49-33. And bringing in a talented, defensive-minded center and settling the point guard issue should make them even better. The key word being "should."

The Bad: How to define the mixed feelings regarding O'Neal? Well, let me put it this way: David Stern is considering legally changing O'Neal's middle name to "If he stays healthy." Dude has missed 40 percent of his team's games over the last four seasons. It's like his body is aging at an accelerated rate, which is great for science fiction and bad for basketball. Especially when the player in question is also making $20 million a year.(As a Pacers fan, I nicknamed him Jermaine "The Drain" O'Neal last season). There's been a lot of talk about how much better Toronto's offense operates when Calderon is running the point (6.0 more points per 100 possessions). But that positive effect doesn't carry over to the defensive end: The mighty dinos give up 4.6 more points per 100 possessions when Calderon is on the floor. So, you know, Jose giveth and Jose taketh away. Chris Bosh has been playing summer ball for Team USA for the past three summers, so you have to wonder whether he's going to be a wee bit gassed going into the season. And for all the talk of Bosh and O'Neal being "complimentary big men," the reality is that both guys would rather feed themselves on a steady diet of 15-foot fadeaways than mix it up on the inside. Plus, O'Neal's a bad passer, a turnover machine (2.0 per game over his career) and needs to use about 23.5 seconds off the clock to set up his shot. Andrea Bargnani plays as if he's locked in mortal combat with Kwame Brown for the title of "Worst Number One Overall Draft Pick Ever." Speaking of the support staff, this is not a deep team. Kapono and Barnani are the best of what they have coming off the bench. After that, it's all Jay Humphries, Joey Graham and Roko Ukic. Which should make you mutter "uh oh..." if you're a Raptors fan.

Fun Facts: According to a Sports Illustrated scouting report: "Since turnovers became an official statistic in '77-78, only the Hornets' Muggsy Bogues (two times) had a better assists-to-turnover ratio than Jose Calderon's 5.38 to 1 last season (minimum 300 assists)." The dinos have been hit with 24 technical fouls over the last two seasons, which is the fewest of any NBA team. Toronto gave up 106.3 PPG during the 15 games Bosh missed last season...quite a difference from the 95.3 PPG they held opponents to when he was in the lineup. When the team was founded, many people wanted to name it after the 1946–47 Toronto Huskies, which was the last NBA squad to play in Canada. However, the team was concerned the logo would look too much like Minnesota's timberwolf, so a nationwide name-the-team contest was held. Over 2,000 entries were narrowed down to 10 possibilities: Beavers, Bobcats, Dragons, Grizzlies, Hogs, Raptors, Scorpions, T-Rex, Tarantulas, and Terriers. Personally, I would have gone with the Beavers - great comedic potential - but the name Raptors was finally chosen due to the popularity of the film Jurassic Park.

Videotastic extra: The secret of Chris Bosh's Olympic success? Training.

When last we saw them: Finished 38-44, fourth in the Pacific Division and 11th overall in the West. I guess it's not so good to be King.

Garbage in: Bobby Brown, Donte Greene, Jason Thompson

Garbage out: Anthony Johnson, Ron Artest

The Good: When a team is rebuilding - as the Kings have been for, like, several years now - it's best to start with a young star-in-the-making. And, fortunately for the Kings, they seem to have that in Kevin Martin. Last season, Speedracer - I refuse to call him "K-Mart" by the way - showed the Association that he can score with anybody (finishing sixth at 23.7 PPG), stick it from downtown (hitting 40.2 percent of his three balls) and slice his way through opposing defenses on his way to the hoop (which is probably why he hit a league-leading 8.2 free throws per game). John Salmons has the potential to be a better second-banana than most people realize. Sure, his season stats weren't that impressive, but check out his splits. When the big guns were out with injury (November through January), Salmons was lighting it up (15.2 PPG, 52 percent shooting, 40 percent from downtown), plus his length and defensive mindset makes him a nice two-way player. Brad Miller can still average near to a double-double on a nightly basis (13.4 PPG and 9.5 RPG). He's also a pretty decent passer - he was second on the team with 3.5 APG - and reasonably tough (although he's not much for mixing it up in the low post). Beno Udrih provides steady play at the point, even if his name does sound like some sort of anti-flatulence medication. (Again, check out Beno's early and late season splits...from when Bibby was out with injury and then after he was traded. Not bad. Not great, but not bad.) Francisco Garcia is a capable put-it-in-the-basket-er, Mikki Moore does the dirty work, and Spencer Hawes, Jason Thompson and Donte Greene give the team big bodies with loads of potential. Now that Ron "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" Artest and Mike "I'm never happy" Bibby are finally gone, all these young guys will have a chance to develop, both individually and collectively.

The Bad: The Kings can score (eighth in the league at 102.5 PPG last season) but can't defend (24th at 104.8 PPG). And now Artest, their best defender and only true stopper, is in Houston. Who's going to pick up that slack? Oh, and their ball movement is horrible: Sacramento ranked 29th in assists (19.1) and 30th in turnovers (16.1). Martin is good, but will he ever be anything more than Mitch Richmond: Part II? And, uh, didn't the team overpay for Udrih (five years, $32 million) and Garcia (five years, $30 million). There's no telling how much better - if any - those guys are going to be. Miller had a nice comeback season last year, but how much does he have left in the tank? Moore has been and always will be a severely limited player. The departures of Bibs and Ron-Ron opens the door for a youth movement, but it's impossible to tell who's going to hit and who's going to miss. At the end of the day, the Kings are comprised of one borderline All-Star, a few above-average veterans and a bunch of unproven young guys. That's bad news, especially in the West.

Fun Facts: Mikki Moore last season led the NBA in shooting fouls, committing four hacks for every shot he blocked...not a good ratio. The franchise has played in five different cities since it was founded: Rochester, Cincinatti, Kansas City, Omaha and Sacramento. The Kings are yet another team that, inexplicably, has retired more numbers than the Lakers: 1 (Nate Archibald), 2 (Mitch Richmond, the only Sacramento player as yet honored) 6 (Sixth Man, i.e., The Fans), 11 (Bob Davies), 12 Maurice Stokes), 14 (Oscar Robertson), 27 (Jack Twyman), and 44 (Sam Lacey). As the Royals, the team won the NBA title in 1951 by defeating the Knicks, four games to three. It is the franchise's one, lonely title. Their D-League affiliate is the Reno Bighorns.

Videotastic extra: Nice hair, Brad. However, Gene Keady does not approve.

David Stern extended an olive branch covered in thorns, rash-inducing poison, and small arms fire to those Seattle fans still slightly miffed at recent events:

"You know, we have something over 900 games available on NBA League Pass, either on cable or satellite, and potentially broadband and NBA TV where we have four games a week," he said. "So there's a lot out there in terms of content and a lot of an ability to follow our league. If they are so inclined, then we certainly invite them and welcome them."

You know, like people in Helena, Montana, do. You'll be a big city again someday, Seattle!

Friday night, we received a PDF of a man's heart breaking. He asked us to do with it what we desired. He doesn't have a blog; he doesn't have a book to sell. Dude just needed to tell someone how he felt. We won't belabor this point much once the season has started. We don't necessarily agree with everything he said. However, the least we can do is publish it.

So, NBA fans and Seattle denizens, we grant the floor to one David Betz from Seattle, WA.
—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—
To: NBA Commissioner David Stern
RE: NBA Fan Resignation Letter

24 October, 2008

Dear Commissioner Stern:
In the off chance that this gets past your “disgruntled Seattle Supersonics fan” mail dumpster, I’d like to take a minute of your time to present you with my NBA Fan Resignation Letter.

I was a thirteen year old kid growing up in Ohio, wearing Chuck Taylor Converse when I talked my dad into taking me to my first live NBA game in Cleveland Arena, a hockey venue that was then home to the Cleveland Cavaliers. I remember seeing Bob “Butterbean” Love walk in through the front door and fan turnstiles with his Chicago Bulls gym bag. This was two NBA Commissioners before you. This was pre-headbands (the first time around), pre-tag lines, pre-shoe deals, pre-Nike, pre-ESPN, pre-baggy shorts, pre-tattoos, pre-cable, pre-Internet. It was old school.

I'm 51 years old now, and I have been a dedicated NBA fan for longer than you've been commissioner, and longer than the Sonics were a team. I have not been a corporate box customer, or a multi-season ticket holder, but I have been a valuable customer that your marketing people might refer to as an advocate or evangelist. To complete that marketing demographic: I have a graduate degree, discretionary income, cable and high-speed internet connections. I’ve converted passive NBA fans to active NBA fans. I’ve watched thousands of games both in-person and on TV. I’ve seen 44 of your “Top 50” players of all-time play the game. I watched Jerry West play before he became the logo for your league.

I was the beneficiary of league expansion, embracing the Cleveland Cavaliers as my then home team thirty-eight years ago. I was thrilled when the ABA merger brought Dr. J, Moses Malone, George Gervin, and Artis Gilmore (not to mention the slam-dunk contest and the 3-point shot) to the NBA. I’ve experienced the growth of the league from 18 to 30 teams and go from a sleepy niche sport to a global brand.

I also witnessed the migration of teams like the Jazz, Kings, Hornets, and Braves, and Grizzlies. In almost every case, these were younger franchises moving towards expanding markets, reflecting America’s population migration. (Which also brought me west to Seattle 15 years ago).

In all of my years, I cannot recall a backwards franchise erasure or a league equity mistake like the one you just perpetrated with the Seattle Supersonics. You remember the story; the new ownership wanted the team to remain in Seattle, but just could not find a satisfactory venue. They had no choice but to take the team back to their home in Oklahoma. Who could blame them?

Mr. Stern, I don’t for one second believe that ours was a venue or a market problem here in Seattle. The real problems were a dysfunctional product and leadership, a blatant disregard for the truth, and complete betrayal of the public trust.

Since this is my exit interview, I’d like to give you some feedback on what constitutes a satisfactory venue for this fan. Over the past five decades, I have attended NBA games in New York, New Jersey, Charlotte, San Antonio, Los Angeles, Golden State, and Seattle. I’ve experienced NBA games from club seats, corporate boxes, courtside, nosebleed, and every other seat in between.

Here is what I need from an NBA venue when I go to a game with a friend or family member:

1. Easy access to tickets and transit to the game
2. Friendly and helpful staff
3. Affordable snacks and a beer
4. Enough concessions and restrooms so I don't have to miss the game in a queue
5. Easy site lines for the court, replays, game score, and current statistics
6. To feel safe outside the arena after the game

The last time I was at Key Arena—in fact every time I was at Key Arena—all of those needs were met. (As an aside, I DON'T require a dance team, a pyrotechnic player introduction, an indoor blimp, or concourse credit-card solicitations, all of which have become emblematic of league predictability and conformity.)

One final critical point extends beyond a venue experience, and usually goes without saying; as a fan, I also want an honest ownership, working intelligently with the front office, coaching staff and the league, to put together the best team possible. THIS is where the deal breaker occurred in Seattle, not because of our venue.

In my life as an NBA fan, I’ve defended the game in conversation at innumerable stadiums, sports bars, golf courses, and tennis courts. The basic perspective of my colleagues, who consider themselves sports fans, just not NBA fans—is that the NBA is simply a bunch of selfish millionaires getting over on each other. They had no interest in watching a game, believing that the only time that matters is the last two minutes, which they would argue, could last for an hour. I would counter with observations about the amazing athleticism, the fierce competition, the unique styles of play, the community building connection, and the transcendent beauty of a team-game well played.

Based on my experience in Seattle this past year, I now have to side with my colleagues. The NBA IS ABSOLUTELY a bunch of selfish millionaires trying to get over on each other, and in Seattle’s case, their fans, city, and community as well.

When the inappropriate behavior of a few individuals undermines the game, the league, or the Brand, that is usually when the Commissioner’s office steps in. I saw Michael Jordan solve your post-Bird/Magic void, when you were struggling with an attendant thug and drug perception problem. I experienced first hand when your predecessor stepped in to create the "Ted Stepien Rule" to prevent any incompetent owner from driving a franchise into the ground with unconscionable trades.

That is why it’s been amazingly disappointing for me to witness your decisions and your demeanor throughout the Seattle franchise sale, dismantling and move. What happened here makes you complicit in just the sort of hegemony, short sightedness, and thuggery that your office was created to police.

Commissioner, you failed me, my team, my city, and the league. I quit.

This is a shout out to any NBA fan in any other NBA city. If you think this can't happen to you and your city, or if you think ownership can be trusted with the public welfare, or if you think a new sports venue and lots of season ticket buyers means franchise security—think again. If you believe your team belongs to your city and that your team’s heritage would never be violated, you are mistaken. It's not about the venue, the product, or the heritage.

If the money is there and the egos align, as