Deadspin
All right, we know we've mentioned this already, but we're still kind of obsessed with this daily SportsCenter feature of Steve Phillips "playing" the role of every team's GM. At first, we thought this was just going to be a Boston thing, playing with the Theo Epstein press conference last week. But then they did the Yankees, and then the Cubs, and the Astros tomorrow, and we're realizing that they're really going to do this, they really might do every MLB team. So we thought we'd just go ahead and confess every part of this we're confused about. Henceforth:
OK, first off, if they're going to have this mock press conference, why is Phillips speaking in the bland cadence of GMs? More accurately ... why isn't he saying anything? Is this supposed to be analysis? Why is he just spouting press releases? Oh, and, honestly, why does ESPN have real reporters asking questions? Poor Buster Olney, the guy's got a huge cover story about steroids this week, he's written for the New York Times, and now he's got to ask these fake questions with a fake notebook? Are we supposed to think he's actually writing anything on that? And why are they wasting five minutes of SportsCenter during one of the most busy times of the year with this? Are they really going to do every team? And why do they keep acting like there's this onrush of questions? They're gonna call on Olney or Schaap every time; isn't it just mean to make the interns keep shouting things out? Are those really flashbulbs going off? Where is this filmed, anyway? Shouldn't some of those reporters be out, you know, reporting? Oh, and why does Phillips keep answering questions like he really has a relationship with the people he's talking about? "I — along with the Tribune company — am committed to Dusty (Baker) and I like what he's doing with this." What? We have fake owners now? Can we have a fake firing? Please? Are we going insane?
Oh, and the best part: When Phillips called on Jeremy Schaap to ask a question today, he totally called him "Jerry." Of course, it's possible that just like Phillips is playing the "character" of Cubs GM, maybe Schaap is playing the character of "Jerry the reporter."
EARLIER: The Sad Faces Of Buster Olney And Jeremy Schaap [Deadspin]
Comments
I was in the gym biking yesterday when this lovely Cubs segment came on. I swear I saw one person fall of her treadmill it was so awful. (She also may just have wanted to find out what happens when you stop running on a treadmill. I mean, who hasn't?) If they're going to do this, at least have the "General Managers" say something. Why mince words about Dusty? Why can't Phillips just come out and say that Dusty can't manage a pitching staff? And those flashbulbs are ridiculous. This is about the dumbest possible way to do Hot Stove reports on the 30 teams.
Maybe she was just showing love for her favorite baseball player Moises Alou. At least she's just sticking to treadmill accidents and isn't peeing on her hands.
I only saw the Red Sox bit, and thought it was just because of the Epstein situation. The fact they've continued is absolutely absurd. I can only imagine Phillips negotiated some bit like this as some sort of support to get him another real GM gig. Because there's no part of this that makes sense from an ESPN viewer perspective. Middle of NFL, NHL is bacxk. NBA is back. MLB hotstove. we clearly don't need fake GM stories. ESPN patrons are not the same as those who watched the fake/staged Michael Jackson trial while the actual trial was going on. At least I don't think they're the same.
I also enjoy the way all 50 reporters jump up to try to get their questions in. Do 50 people really show up when the GM gives a press conference that has nothing to do with anything? Also, I'd like for them to go all the way with this and dress Steve Phillips up in various fake beards and wigs. Is there another sports network yet? Now seems like a prime time for CNN and Sports Illustrated to get a network off the ground. While ESPN is crapping all over itself, I mean.
I think the most disappointing part of the entire Cubs "presser" is that Scoop Jackson didn't write an article afterwards calling Steve Phillips a racist. I must have refreshed ESPN.com 7008 times this morning just waiting for it.
Will they do these in an empty room with a couple of bored beat writers when they get to teams like KC and TB?
Where have you gone, FOX National Sports Report?
I haven't seen this, but I'm looking forward to when they do less prestigous teams, like the KC Royals and Diamond Rays. And Dex, if you want to see an ESPN competitor, watch all the NHL on OLN you can, even if you hate hockey. It's good for the other sports.
I hope they dress Phillips up like Kim Ng when they get to the Dodgers. That would be...genius. It would redeem the whole stupid feature.
The good news is that they are NOT doing all 30 teams Phillips will move to the Astros (Wednesday) and Dodgers (Thursday), before responding to inquiries about other teams on Friday. Then the monster dies. The funny thing is, he doesn't even assume the role. He just gives the same bland analysis that you would get from anyone following those teams. Where is the inside news? I mean, with all of those reporters there, you would think something could be actually reported. Plus, media do not stand at attention like that when covering something as routine as a press conference where nothing is said
"Mr. Phillips! Is it true you were inside Banana Joe's in Tampa on the night of November 5? We've obtained photographic evidence of you and Melissa Holden exchanging cash! Can you tell us what that payment was for, sir?"
I can't believe what an ass-whipping ESPN has become with these horrible, painful mock news conferences. What are they thinking? Who really likes these things? These news conferences are not even close to looking, feeling, or seeming like the real thing. What ever happened to a simple sports newscast that gave me highlights, some stats and a little commentary every now and then. I'm about to the point where I can't even watch SportsCenter and just go to ESPNews to get my stats. But I'm sure it won't take long before someone ruins that too. I almost WANT to watch George Michael and his magic "Sports Machine" these days.
What's weirdest about the things is how seriously Phillips seems to take them. If he's just going to be speaking in press releases, he may as well try to show a slight sense of humor about the whole thing. And Steve, stop saying "That's a good question." We know you think it is, dickhead, you wrote it.
Ha. That's fantastic, Martha. You're right: That IS the best part. When Phillips compliments his own questions. Brilliant.
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