daily closer
We have just learned what David Wells had been doing between the time the Padres cut him on Augus 6 and he was signed by the Dodgers last week. He was surfing, according to him. Mitch Yost-like, no doubt, shooting the curl at Imperial Beach like a sleek seal. Come on Wells, you never once left The Beachcomber, did you?
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sayonara fatty
When David Wells missed a start in the 2003 World Series because of mysterious back problems that might have been related to the fact that he weighs 800 pounds, we figured he was done. Missing a World Series start because you were out of shape? People tend to not like that.
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roger clemens
Since Bud Selig has hidden himself in a secure, undisclosed location until after Bonds breaks the career home run record, The Quote Machine That Is David Wells is back in action. The Padres' pitcher
has a few things to say about Roger Clemens' new contract with the Yankees, specifically the clause that would allow Clemens to skip road trips when he's not scheduled to pitch.
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baseball
Obviously, David Wells — as evidenced by his appearance on the waiver wire in just about every fantasy league we're in — is much more useful as a quote machine these days than as an actual baseball player. And he's never more amusing than when he's being
edited to suit the taste of the delicate newspaper reader. Here was Wells' response to those who thought he had accused David Dellucci of using steroids.
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baseball
How great is it, honestly, to have David Wells around? We're almost sorry to see the Red Sox pitcher come back from that knee injury, because it means he'll be busy again. And we've learned that an idle David Wells is an entertaining David Wells — it's kind of like if Gary Busey all of a sudden showed up at your birthday party. Whenever he opens his mouth, the fun just never ends.
Consider these two observations by Wells, taking into account that this is just what he's said over the past two days:
"(Barry Bonds should) be a man and come out and say that he did [use steroids]. Don't hide behind the uniform. Don't hide behind the players association. If you're guilty and you got caught, come clean. I think he'd get a lot more respect from people than lying. Unknowingly took 'roids? I know everything I've done. If I'm going to do something to my body, I know what's going in. I'm not going to let someone put a needle in me, not knowing what's in that needle. That's a joke."
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baseball
Today's first
athlete run-in story is a brief one, but it's our favorite kind, because it involves David Wells and beer. Three beers, in fact. From a Cleveland reader:
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david wells
After his
pissed-off comments Monday, Boston pitcher David Wells has been sent to the principal's office. Wells, who blasted commissioner Bud Selig and accused him of covering up steroid results,
was summoned to New York to chat with baseball brass. Interestingly enough, Selig himself is unlikely to be at the meeting; Wells will meet with a couple of Selig underlings, which is kind of like when Tony Soprano sent one of his soldiers to scare off Annabella Sciorra. And that will be the last time we ever compare Bud Selig to Tony Soprano.
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