Via DC Sports Bog, which was invented for this very thing, it's Clinton Portis' newest "character." It's "Choo-Choo." We don't know what it means, and we don't care. It's like the final season of "Arrested Development;" not as inspired as the first go-arounds, but we're all just grateful it's back, nevertheless.
Easterns Motors may be known for luring low-income debt-ridden customers into purchasing a car they can't afford, but they're the only entertaining car dealership in the history of the world. It began with the all-time great radio jingle, it progressed into some brilliantly goofy tv spots with local athletes singing said jingle, and now it's come to this; a delightful video filled with cars, a goofy Clinton Portis wearing a hilarious shirt, and some fetching young ladies. There might have even been a car in there somewhere, I don't really remember. Thanks to the brothers Mottram at Mister Irrelevant for bringing this to light.
Latest by CurlyW: It would have been much better if he had walked in unannounced with two chicks at Smoot's house. more »
"If [Saunder] says, 'Clinton I need you to run through that brick wall,' and that brick wall, it's hard to run through a brick wall, I've got to find a way to get as close as I can and dive over the top of this brick wall and tell him, '[Bleep], I made it over.' You know? 'I did it. I didn't do it the way you asked me to do it, but I got there'." Welcome back, Portis. [D.C. Sports Bog]
We'll confess, we don't watch that "Flavor Of Love" show on VH-1; we remember once having good thoughts about Flavor Flav, many years ago, and just seeing the highlights of the show makes us extremely uncomfortable, like we're watching Reagan in the last throes of Alzheimer's or something. (We bet Chuck D can't watch that show without throwing up.)
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This is for all of you Halloween revelers who are planning on being clever tomorrow night and dress up like Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. And you know who you are. We see you with the Paul Hogan hat and the toy sting ray and the too-tight khaki shorts, and we're begging you to stop. My God, many of you even have toy crocodiles. Ecch. Just don't do it. And not because it would be in poor taste, but because it's lame; everyone is going to have the same idea. From the Snopes.com message board:
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There's a reason that you must wait five years until after your career is over to be elected to most professional sports Halls of Fame; it looks strange to have a Hall of Famer out there running around like everybody else. It seems beneath them, somehow.
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Before he was co-opted by The NFL Network and Daniel Snyder's presumably slave-waged garmentmakers, Redskins running back Clinton Portis consistently provided us immeasurable entertainment pretty much every Thursday for two months.
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Fully capitalizing on something it stumbled across last season, the official Redskins site Redskins.com is now selling T-shirts adorned with every Clinton Portis character from his press conferences last year. Those who were with us last season will remember our schoolgirl crush on Portis, particularly Coach Janky Spanky, who resembled pretty much every gym teacher we've ever had.
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To, at last, close the book on our man Clinton Portis and all his press conference personas from the last year, the man himself has finally updated his personal Web site with a detailed timeline, with biographical sketches, of each fraction of his tortured soul.
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If the real sports world were like the Deadspin sports world, someone like Dennis Rodman or Joe Pepitone would be popping open some champagne this morning, 1972 Dolphins-style: The Clinton Portis madness streak has finally come to an end.
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With the Redskins improbably advancing to the NFL's Final Eight, we're obviously going to be ratcheting up the Clinton Portis coverage even more than we already have, if that's not terrifying enough for you. As a little appetizer, though, we present you this gaggle of advertisements for Easterns Automotive Group, a used-car dealership that specializes in people with terrible credit. (Their slogan is "Your Job Is Your Credit," which is better than, say, "Your Dog Is Your Credit" or "Your Bath Towel Is Your Credit.")
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Latest by Badclown: The best part of the Eastern Motors spot is that on TV the audio doesn't always sync up to the video, so it appears as if Levar is just pissed off. more »
"If [Saunder] says, 'Clinton I need you to run through that brick wall,' and that brick wall, it's hard to run through a brick wall, I've got to find a way to get as close as I can and dive over the top of this brick wall and tell him, '[Bleep], I made it over.' You know? 'I did it. I didn't do it the way you asked me to do it, but I got there'." Welcome back, Portis. [D.C. Sports Bog]
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