Deadspin
Notes from a day in baseball:
• 1. Pedro Offers You His Protection. But don't take it. Pedro Martinez's return to Fenway Park on Wednesday went about as well as Rush Limbaugh's return from the Dominican, only with fewer drug sniffing dogs. After Red Sox fans gave him a nice ovation, they further delighted in their team pummeling the Mets' starter with illegal Ninja moves from the government. Martinez gave up four runs in the first, four in the third and was gone by the fourth as the Red Sox won their 11th straight, 10-2.
• 2. Mauer Power. Have you seen this man? He's hitting .484 in June, went 11-for-13 in a three-game sweep of the Dodgers and is hitting .392 overall. Considered armed and fab-u-lous!, Joe Mauer was 2-for-3 as the Twins won their seventh straight, 6-3 over the Dodgers. Torii Hunter also had a grand slam, but his best contribution was this quote: "What Joe Mauer's doing is sick. He's 23 years old. What's he going to do when he gets man muscles?"
• 3. Welcome To Sealy Posturepedic Select Comfort Sleep Number Bed Day. It was little Timmy's first baseball game. And nine hours after he arrived at Camden Yards, with the Orioles batting in the bottom of the seventh, he also vowed that it would be his last. Baltimore's glorious doubleheader sweep of the Phillies, 7-5 and 12-4, included rain delays of three hours between games and 41 minutes during the second game. But in the first good break he's had all week, beleaguered Phils' reliever Brett Myers didn't have to see any of it, having been optioned to Class-A Clearwater before the game.
• 4. Our Long National Nightmare Is Over. The Cardinals scored the winning run (excuse us as we linger on those words for a bit) on a throwing error in the ninth to break an eight-game losing streak, 5-4, over the Indians. And suddenly, we can taste food again.
• 5. Now Here's A Team With A Real Problem. Have the Pirates officially supplanted the Royals as the worst team in baseball? Well, they both have .329 winning percentages, but Pittsburgh would have to be considered the stinkier of the two currently, we suppose. The Jack Sparrows lost their 13th straight, 4-3, to the White Sox on Wednesday.
Comments
The Pirates are actually a mediocre team that's playing way below their potential. The Royals just flat out suck in every way imaginable....except the sweep of the Pirates last week. Royals are #29; Pirates, #30.
Doesn't ARod get props for his walkoff home run? It was his first clutch hit, like, ever! He has exorcised the demons!
Yankees fans, chill out. A-Rod will get his own post, I'm sure. Mariners are 40-39. WOOT!
While the AL has pretty much dominated the NL this year in interleague, the Rockies have gone 8-3, after taking 2 of 3 from the LAAAA. Whatever's in that humidor, I want some of it.
"What Joe Mauer's doing is sick. He's 23 years old. What's he going to do when he gets man muscles?" Man Muscles..... Man Muscles..... There is a joke in there somewhere...I just know it.....
No A-Rod love for his walk off? WTF?? Keep hatin' America, all A-Rod can is is play. BTW, I think we need to go more into this Torii Hunter quote. "Man Muscles?" This has a chance to become the next Deadspin cliche. I think we should make every effort to make this happen.
Go crazy, folks, go crazy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHZ-TnxcDN4
was it really necessary for ESPN to "not go to commercial so you can see how the Sox fans greet their former ace as he returns to the mound" ?
Kudos to Slappy for his walk-off homerun. Loved how he tried to copy Papi's helmet toss and just ended up coming across as a much bigger pussy than usual.
All of A-rod's clutch hits (well, all one of them) come during afternoon weekday games when no one is watching. And: Josh Beckett.
Check out THIS Joe Mauer...man muscles be damned! Travel and Lifestyle magazine? That's the best he could do? http://www.bat-girl.com/archives/001375.php#more
I believe man muscles must have something to do with having the ass, big time.
would you rather they had "gone to commercial"? NO! GO TO COMMERCIAL! HOW CAN THEY DO THIS?!??! I WANT TO SEE THOSE APPLEBEE'S GUYS!!!!
You're a good man, Joe Mauer... thank you for vindicating the unnaturally high spot I drafted you in.
Yes, A-Job is crazy good. But that still doesn't change the fact that he plays for the Yankees, and therefore, is a d-bag. I think 'man muscle' is a synonym for the word 'Mariotti'.
Will Leitch and I had a blender full of Drano daiquiris we were passing back and forth last night. He had a glass after the eighth, but I drained that sucker after the ninth.
Did anyone actually think Pedro would get boo'd?
Slickbomb, It's like a nickname, you have to just let it happen.
I believe it's called a "day/night" double header, not a rain delay. Two separate admissions. (Although there was a rain delay in the night portion.)
Nice work Drew and BB, you guys have the wit, big time.
The real reason Joe Mauer is so freakin' good. http://youtube.com/watch?v=NH2U2PBXc8U&search=joe%20mauer<... He's got a quick swing!
Mauer is tagging the 2005 Miss USA as well (Chelsea Cooley). Tough life for Joe.
Mickey Mantle had man muscles. He got a blow job under the right field bleachers by the Yankee bullpen. He had pulled his man muscles and couldn't f-k at the time.
Damn you, Pedro. You just cost me $150. (they're playing the Pirates on Monday, they're playing the Pirates on Monday, they're playing the Pirates on Monday.)
actually supermike, i wish they had gone to the studio so I could hear where Golic, Schreth, and Salisbury would rank the Texans water boy depth and see how it ranked with the rest of the NFL...i hope we address this in the offseason...
You're with me seat-cushion night... sigh.
Oh, and I forgot, Mr. Met went with the Mets up to Boston, it was nice seeing him totally out-mascot that Wally the Monster the Red Sox have.
Unrelated to anything in this post, but I saw the Texas Rangers last night for the first time. Is there a more boring, irrelevant team in baseball? Never very good, never outright horrible, no rivalries, no home city, no personality whatsoever. Also I've never met, seen, or heard from a Rangers fan ever, which is incredible because they're from Texas and those people are usually loud and annoying. It seems like every other team has at least one representative commenter, I even seem to recall someone talking about Tampa Bay.
The Pirates not only have the same winning percentage as the Royals, and they've lost 13 in a row, here's their next 8 games: White Sox, Tigers x3, Mets x4. Oof. At least they're bad and somewhat young, as opposed to the bad and old Royals. Not that it'll be much of a consolation when they've lost 21 in a row and need to take one off the Phils to avoid breaking the record losing streak (I believe it's 23).
What was with Mr. Met travelling with the team? He followed Wally around like a fat chick with her hot friend at a party one of them was invited to.
Mr. Met wanted to show Wally how it's really done. And the bags under Wally's eyes just get creepier and creepier every time I see him. I used to think he was a cute mascot once upon a time.
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