Jeep? He shot somebody for being to close to his jeep?

What would he have done if it had actualy been a nice car? Castration?

Baseball Musings had the original Spanish language report

Am I correct in assuming that the name "Elipidio Uribe" is like the foreign version of our John Smith?

I hate when someone walks too close to my jeep. Must be a Chicago thing.

Will, does it indeed feel good to be a gangsta?

And...Jazz hands!

Dondolin Alessandro, a captain in the Italian Navy, suffered wounds to his stomach and hands.

Just another reason for Jay Mariotti to hate the White Sox.

Maybe the FIU players got too close to Uncle Fester's jeep, right before he turned the thugs loose on them.

Italy has a navy? That's adorable!

Criminal Appeal,

It would have been a lot worse if someone had moved the chairs from Juan's parking space on the street that he shoveled the snow out of.

Poor Elipidio. I'd be mad too if people associated my name with women's grooming products.

The Uribe brother are currently fugitives from the law according to the report, also there was a gun battle between the captain and the Uribe brothers and the authorities dont know if anyone else was injured.

Oh and its good to see that White Sox players are taking on the personality of their scumbag fans, maybe Uribe can plan to surrender at 7:11, so he can get a free cherry Icee.

Is there a Juan Uribe bobblehead doll?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsIM2HB0hrs

This is why I am usually scared of DR. I love visiting, but there are way too many hotheads with guns down there.

Uribe swung 100 times connecting twice there by raising his 2006 average.

Must be a Jeep thing...

This reminds me of a classic R. Kelly song, "You Remind Me of My Jeep".

The Uribe brothers should expect football scholarship offers to Miami and FIU soon.

He had wounds to both his hands AND stomach? You mean the bullets went through his hands somehow?

UIUC-Chief,

Deep breaths...deeeeeep breaths. I understand it's been a century, but we White Sox fans did nothing to you. Take it out on Cub management.

Uribe has always been known to take his shots at anything even near his strike zone.

Way to get fired as a broadcaster next year - "Uribe guns down the runner at home like someone walking to close to his Jeep."

what was the farmer doing there?

I routinely stomp people for walking too close to my Kia...

And don't let me catch you looking at my Ford Focus...

I thought the U.N. outlawed the Italian Navy because they left a ring around the ocean.

I keed, I keed.

Uribe is pretty good at turning twin killings...

Oo! Ree-bay!

I know this contributes nothing to the story, but it had to be said.

Maybe Juan was pulling an Eddie Griffin at the time. If that's the case, then I say his shooting is completely justified.

Elipidio... sounds like a cross between lipid and libido.

Hey, Holly Mangold!

Nice call BBraskey, but I was thinking more along the lines of an MC Breed song, "Ain't no Future in Ur Frontin'" In which Mr. Breed talks getting his named chromed on his Jeep and handling anyone that's "fronts" on it...

I always thought those alarms that told you you were too close to the car were pretty sweet. Never heard of someone actually getting shot though. I will be more careful from now on.

soozycue:

Taking a wife. You don't have kids, do you?

They tried to explain why they were walking too close to his Jeep, but Juan didnt understand due to they're not habla'ing espanol very well.

I guess this is the Latin American equivalent of "smudging my Puma".

So a baseball player, a farmer, and a captain in the Italian Navy get into a fight... I got nothin'.

The brother's name is Elpidio, not Elipidio. It's still a hideous name.

Also, "jeep" is what us Latinos call every SUV. So his vehicle is probably not a jeep.

"Dondolin Alessandro, a captain in the Italian Navy..."

Obviously.

Johnny Blackshoe,

Its only been 98 years (the anniversary being this past saturday), which is why I only drank 98% of a bottle of Cien Anos Tequila, I was going to go with 98 beers but figured the liver needed a break this weekend.

Also its of importance to note that the captain was eating chicken when he was shot, so maybe Uribe just didnt want chicken grease on his jeep.

Ozzie told him he had to shoot them

According to the Google translation, he shot the guys "because they happened to him closely together to his yipeta."

When people happen to me closely together to MY yipeta... well, you don't want to know what happens.

Who wants to bet Uribe is playing in the majors next year?

tuffy - 2 actually, but no wife. and i'm no farmer.

But why didn't they just run over the guys? I thought driving over objects with your Jeep was what they were made for. Didn't they go to Jeep camp?

Dude probably made fun of Juan's 'ghetto booty'.

I see the requisite jokes about him swinging at anything have already been made, good job.

Dear Juan Uribe,

Sorry I borrowed your machete.

Sincerely,

Ugueth

Actually, this is all part of Arod's plan to play shortstop for the White Sox.

soozycue:

The joke stands alone.

Why did Ed Farmer try to intervene?

Was everyone able to keep hold of their wallets through this ordeal?

Oh Juan - first they mystery back pain, now this. I knew something was wrong when I actually witnessed you not swinging at the first pitch for the last 1/3 of the season.

World Series Shortstop to Dominican Fugitive in less than a year - that there is a career!

Hey! That was entertaining Tuffy, thank you. I'll admit I never knew the second verse. I think I had bad parents.