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Officials in Moscow say that the manager ...

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 11:00:22 EST

Officials in Moscow say that the manager of the ice arena where Rangers prospect Alexei Cherepanov died, and the director of the host team were negligent in his death. Also, the director has already been fired. Wait, someone actually got punished for doing something wrong? Those crazy Russians! [AP/SI]

Drew Rosenhaus Is A Master At The Art of Circumlocution [Your Morning Video Wake Up Call]

DAULERIO — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 10:45:12 EST

The Deadspin Morning Video Wake Up Call will return through the holidays. If you have any suggested videos to fill this space, email us. Subject: Morning Video Wake Up Call.

Here's the chopped up version of superagent Drew Rosenhaus yapping about Plaxico on MNF last night. It's amazing that when you eliminate all of Mike Tirico's questions from the video and just listen to him talk, he almost sounds more sensible. That's because the man does not deviate from the script, or move away from the point — there's no time to improvise or, you know, actually answer the questions. He knows how to spin the Plaxico incident from a dumbfounding act of stupidity into an averted tragedy. This could have been another Sean Taylor incident, you know...

Full set of questions available at Awful Announcing.

Shatner's Short-Term Red Sox Memory, Sabathia And Manny Head Arbitration List, And Everyone Wants To Buy The Cubs [Mlb Roundup]

Rick Chandler — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 10:30:16 EST

• He's Also Not Very Good At Fractions. Come with us now as William Shatner is tested for Alzheimer's on an episode of Boston Legal. He does great when asked about the 1967 Red Sox, but he's a little confused at the question "Who is the best Red Sox pitcher this season?" To which he answers, "Josh Pecker." Or maybe it was intentional. He does know how to hold a grudge. With video goodness. [Surviving Grady]

• CC, Manny Head List Of Players Offered Arbitration. It's arbitration season, and as expected, the Brewers' CC Sabathia and the Dodgers' Manny Ramirez were among 24 players who got offers, up from 17 last season. The Red Sox made offers to Paul Byrd and Jason Varitek. They have until Sunday to accept. Among those not offered arbitration were Pedro Martinez of the Mets and John Smoltz and Tom Glavine of the Braves. [NBCSports]

• Phillies Release Burrell, Moyer Back Into The Wild. The New York Daily News reported on Monday that the Phillies declined to offer arbitration to ancient pitcher Jamie Moyer, leftfielder Pat Burrell and righthanders Tom Gordon and Rudy Seanez. Can this be wise? [Crashburn Alley]

• Early Christmas Shopping. At least three more people have expressed interest in buying the Chicago Cubs, as Chicago real estate investor Hersch Klaff; the Ricketts family, founder of online brokerage TD Ameritrade Holding Corp.; and a group led by Marc Utay, a New York private equity investor, all filing proposals by the Thanksgiving deadline. "Sources declined to comment on the size of the three bids, which include the team, Wrigley Field and Tribune's 25-percent stake in Comcast SportsNet, a regional cable sports network."

• Sadness In The Jays Nest. Canadian billionaire Ted Rogers, owner of the Toronto Blue Jays, has died of heart failure at the age of 75. [Toronto Globe And Mail]

• This Could Be Dan Plesac's Year. Rickey Henderson, Jim Rice and Tommy John head list of players on the Hall of Fame ballot released on Monday, with Henderson making his debut, and Rice eligible for the 15th and final time. Yes we can! [MLB.com]

Good Night, Sweet Comet Boy [Wnba]

Rick Chandler — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 10:15:01 EST

There are many ways to remember the Houston Comets, one of the original WNBA franchises which announced on Monday that it was being disbanded. The sister team of the Houston Rockets won the first four WNBA championships, once included the league's first MVP, Cynthia Cooper, and had on its roster last season Tennessee's Michelle Snow, only the third woman in NCAA history to dunk in a game. But I will always remember the Comets as the franchise that gave us the Jam Cam, which on one magical evening electrified the crowd, and then all of America, with the sweet dance moves of Comet Boy (relive the magic in the video below).

Known also as WNBA Dancer, the Jam Cam Ham or simply Dennis, he took the spotlight sometime in 2007 during a brief Comets time out and made it his own. With America entrenched in two wars and showing signs of a weakening economy, he taught us to "Jump On It," and gave us all hope with his reckless, carefree dance stylings.

Once he got going, we wished the music would last forever. Alas, it did not. Houston mayor Bill White's November deadline to find local ownership came and went without any interested buyers, so the league, which had been running the team since August, decided to shut the doors. Comets players will be placed in a dispersal draft.

It's a sad day. But as long as there is YouTube, we will always have Comet Boy.

Houston Comets Disbanding [Inside Hoops]
Falling Comets Shut Down By WNBA [Houston Chronicle]

Morning Blogdome: Ted Rogers Logs Off Forever [Morning Blogdome]

Dashiell Bennett — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 09:45:57 EST

• Roger, over and out: Ted Rogers—of Rogers Cable, Rogers Internet, Rogers Dome, and the Toronto Blue Rogers—has died at age 75. At times like these, it's important to think about what really matters ... specifically, how does this affect the Buffalo Bills? [First Time, Long Time]

• Not attending: What's worse? That someone thinks he can actually change the BCS by starting a Facebook group? Or that ESPN would actually interview a guy who started a Facebook group to try and change the BCS? [Legend of Cecilio Guante]

• Feel free to keep the Pats: The Patriots and Bucs are the next two victims of the NFL's "Let's Shove American Football Down British Throats" initiative. They've probably forgotten about the Revolutionary War by now, huh? [Bugs and Cranks]

• As long as we're racing: If the auto companies go down, they're definitely taking NASCAR with them. Hello, Sprint Cup of Lawnmower Racing! [Sugar Mob]

• Canuck that: Gee, it's hard to believe that a guy who charges kids $40 a pop to meet their hockey heroes would be a shady character. [Orland Kurtenblog]

It's EA Sports Adult Men's Softball '08; ...

Rick Chandler — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 09:30:01 EST

It's EA Sports Adult Men's Softball '08; so real you'll swear you're standing on second base yourself, drinking a beer. [Joe Sports Fan]

Illegal Contact, Packers, 15 Yards And Automatic Loss Of Beer [NFL]

Rick Chandler — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 09:15:16 EST

It's two days later, and all of North Carolina is still in a lather over this Packers fan, who took exception to the Panthers' DeAngelo Williams tossing his touchdown footballs to Carolina fans in the front row of the end zone stands at Lambeau. This one was completed, but the next one was successfully batted back onto the playing field by the gloved vigilante (see video below). This made him, as WTMJ-Radio put it, responsible for "the only defensive play made against the Panthers all day."

Photo: Mike Roemer, Associated Press

Caption Contest Dec. 1 [Sports Bubbler]

No, This Is How You Wrap Your Hand Around Erin Andrews' Waist [Wake Up Deadspin!]

DAULERIO — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 08:45:45 EST

Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: Morning crap.

From an emailer:

Those UNC kids cant even compare with a good 'ol Boston boy, and I'll show em up with a better EA picture. Was at a Rays-Sox ESPN game this summer, and wandering through the halls about an hour before gametime when i saw her come out of the sox Clubhouse. She was taller than i expected, and iw as kind of in shock, so all i got out was a half drunken "thats Erin Andrews" that i THOUGHT i had whispered to my friend. With my head cocked back to watch her walk in the other direction, imagine my surprise when she turned around, flashed me the biggest smile ever and mouthed hello. We continued walking, and i resigned myself to the fact that i had blown my shot. Fastforward to about 5 minutes before gametime, and my buddy and i are walking to our seats from the RF bar, and as we walk past the ramp for the field crew to access the field/tarp (where all the sideline reporters make their report in-game), i spot her chilling about 5 feet from where us paying customers can go. Of course i can't waste this opportunity, and i walk over to her, and mid national anthem ask her for a picture. She nod's yes, and gave me the 'just a second' look, so clearly i should wait until the end of the anthem. The anthem ends, and she has the opportunity to blow me off, but instead she comes over and graciously takes the picture. The best part about the whole thing, is as all this is going on, some old guy standing next to me, who clearly has no idea who she is, is talking her head off about how much he loves Hazel May (cunt) and why shes leaving NESN. Also notice the wrap around of my hand.

Baby Mangino May Be An Unstoppable Force [Duan!]

DAULERIO — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:45:20 EST

If you haven't seen the current results of the SHOTY voting so far, it appears that the cherubic, fake-mustachioed visage of bouncy Baby Mangino will be tough to beat in this year's field. He's currently waxing Brett Favre with 86% of the vote. Even though Favre's tumultuous year has made him a legitimate SHOTY contender, he's clearly no match for the wily tot formerly known as Bode Lubber. But if not Favre, then who amongst those left will topple this up-and-coming phenom? Baby Mangino definitely has an '85 Villanova Wildcats-type feel to him so far. It'll be fun to watch.

******

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin, SKEETS, etc.

Alex Rodriguez's Madonna Problem Is Not Going Away [Alex Rodriguez]

DAULERIO — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:00:09 EST

Even though we covered — okay I did — the crap out of the original rumors about Madonna and Alex Rodriguez's alleged relationship over the summer, there's been little else to say about it. Partially because the initial rumors seemed entirely implausible and preposterous. Most of that coverage was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek — to treat Rodriguez like a gossip item before he actually became a gossip item, etc. Well, it happened and now it seems A-Rod is positioning himself to purposefully become one, even though nobody outside of the Us Weekly set really cares.

After both Madonna and A-Rod have filed for divorce from their respective spouses, it's obvious that they are, in fact, some sort of item. Those weird Kabbalah classes and him showing up at seemingly all of her concerts doesn't prove that they're romantically linked, but does reveal some sort of odd obsession with her. And the more and more they're spotted not-so-secretly gallivanting around with each other, it appears it's a calculated image makeover on the part of Team A-Rod, who coincidentally is now represented by Guy Oseary, who just so happens to also rep Madonna. But — why? For all of Rodriguez's achievements, he's always been, for whatever reason, not taken seriously as one of the premiere athletes of our generation. His greatness always seems overshadowed by his lack of a championship, his chilly, boring demeanor,his marital problems, or his enormous contract. He's the one player that seems to get denied the usual reverence by sports writers simply based on the fact that, well, he's Alex Rodriguez. If anything, A-Rod still needs some help securing his image as a top-tier athlete as opposed to an extremely loyal Madonna groupie, yet that's exactly what he's become. Look at that photo up top. Look at the rest of these photos: that's the man who will be the home run king one day. It's entirely possible that if Rodriguez continues to make these baffling public image choices the rest of his career, people won't mind Barry Bonds holding onto that record a little longer.

Does A-Rod Know He's Being Used? [NY Mag]
A-Rod Rocks Out With Madonna [Gossip Girls.net]

Gun Safety Tips From Plaxico Burress [Plaxico Burress]

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 17:30:00 EST

If you're looking for a bedtime story for your children tonight, may we suggest the felony criminal complaint of one Plaxico M. Burress. (It needs the initial, don't you think?) It's very short, but also very compelling and there's a life lesson in there for all of us. Namely, put down the wine before "fidgeting" with your waistband. Our favorite moment: "Informant then heard a 'pop' sound and defendant stated in substance 'Take me to a hospital.'" Am I the only one who wants to see this scene re-enacted with the robots from Wall-E?

Unfortunately, this fairy tale ends with two counts of criminal possession of a weapon in the second degree, which as anyone who has seen the ads on the New York City subway can tell you, is punishable by a minimum of three-and-a-half years in prison. Oh, and Mayor-For-Life Michael Bloomberg is not fucking around on this one.

"I don't think that anybody should be exempt from that," [Bloomberg] added. "And I think it would be an outrage if we don't prosecute to the fullest extent of the law."

"Our children are getting killed with guns on the street," the mayor commented during an unrelated press availability in the Bronx. "Our police officers are getting killed with guns in the hands of criminals."

Did someone say plea bargain? In other news, those of you saving up for a commemorative No. 17 "H. Smith" jersey in Giant blue can forget it. The NFL shop already shut that little playpen down. (Although, really ... would that stop you?) You'll just have settle for an authentic Rae Carruth.

Felony Gun Charges For Plaxico Burress [The Smoking Gun]
Mayor Bloomberg fuming over Plaxico shooting: Throw the book at him [NY Daily News]
Plaxico Going to Prison? Bloomberg's Gun Law Says So [Village Voice]
NFL Shop-Things You Can Customize [Central Maine Sports Blog]

Thanks to commenter joe for the jersey pic.

To Watch Tonight [Tv Time]

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 17:05:00 EST

What to watch while you find an excuse to drink alcohol for breakfast ...

• College Basketball: ACC/Big Ten Challenge: Wisconsin Badgers vs. Virginia Tech Hokies (7:00 p.m., ET) Also known as "The Big Ten Loses 7 Non-Conference Games Week." [ESPN2]
• NHL: Colorado Avalanche vs. Minnesota Wild (8:00 p.m., ET) What is a Wild, anyway? [Versus]
• NFL: Monday Night Football: Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans (8:30 p.m., ET) Sage! Come back, Sage! [ESPN]

Movement afoot by Chicagoans to get Barack ...

Rick Chandler — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:45:33 EST

Movement afoot by Chicagoans to get Barack Obama to attend the Blackhawks-Red Wings game at Wrigley Field on Jan. 1. Are you sure he's a Blackhawks fan? [Puck Daddy]

It'll Only Seem Like An Eternity [MLB]

Rick Chandler — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:30:17 EST

I know that you'll probably lose the deposit, but some of you Red Sox fans may want to ditch your previous choice for your eternal resting place and go with this, the Red Sox Casket offered at Rockland Funeral Home. Spend eternity in the loving embrace of the Sox, which is more than Manny ever did. Video below (Caution: Includes funeral director using death puns).

You'll be thankful to know that the company which makes these also has Cubs and Giants models, which seems redundant. And it just occurred to me that these would make perfect beer coolers.

For Sox Fans, Eternally [Boston Globe]
Eternal Image [Official Site]

The Penn State Nittany Lion celebrated his ...

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:00:34 EST

The Penn State Nittany Lion celebrated his final home game by starting off the day with a DUI. You know, I was at that game and it did look like he was weaving a little bit during his crowd surfing. [BWE]

Afternoon Blogdome: Would The Knicks Do This For You? [Afternoon Blogdome]

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:00:00 EST

• Nice try: If you think putting a Cavalier Girl in a bubble bath with another naked lady is going to keep LeBron in Cleveland ... well, it can't hurt. ~~[Don Chavez]~~ (Site's down. Let's pretend this never happened.)

• I did not see that coming: Michael Phelps, blah blah, stripper girlfriend, blah ... wait, is that Duce Staley? [PSAMP]

• Hail Billy?: The Flutie family continues to marvel and amaze. Yes, on the football field. [The 700 Level]

• Open up and say "Tiger": Finally, a genetic test that will tell you which sports will destroy all your child's hopes and dreams after you force them into a relentless and ultimately failed pursuit of a professional contract. [West Word]

• Too Sooner?: The BCS computers aren't biased, huh? Then how did Bob Stoops get Oklahoma's 8 electoral votes? [The Sports Culture]

The Curious Case of Fred Hickman [Media Meltdowns]

DAULERIO — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 15:30:27 EST

Most of you probably don't remember Fred Hickman's somewhat brief tenure as an ESPN anchor and talking head and most of you also were probably unaware that the man is no longer working for them. Hickman was signed on from the YES network in 2004 to a significant contract to come over to the WWL, due mostly to their obsession with hiring "names" away from other networks, preferably those that once worked at other large cable networks. (See: Storm, Hannah.) Like Storm, Hickman once worked at CNN/SI as a lead anchor during the 90s and even won a couple of Cable Ace Awards for his work. As ESPN does with all of its on-air talent who leave the network, there was no formal press release or anything about it. Hickman apparently left the station this past May.

Hickman's role was on SportsCenter, but he also hosted the NBA Shootaround and did plenty of fill-in roles. ESPN will not comment on on why Hickman is not longer with the company due to its policy and also because there is a rumored medical reason for his absence, which HIPAA laws preclude them from commenting on. But other current and former colleagues suggest the Hickman experiment was doomed to fail from the get-go and some suggest that the reason his quick exit from the WWL are very murky, but were also very obvious.

According to some people close to the network, Hickman missed more than 200 days in a little under three years at ESPN. The reasons for his absence were, according to many of the individuals who knew about this varied from legitimate to absurd. Here are some Hickman anecdotes outlined by a few anonymous ESPN-ers and other individuals willing to share:

• He would make up numerous illnesses both for himself and those close to him, including ex-wives, great aunts, etc. similar to a way that a college freshman would embellish family emergencies to get out of class.

• On at least one occasion when Hickman was supposedly out for a dire emergency, one of his colleagues spotted him getting a haircut.

• His unpreparedness was legendary — one current ESPN person who used to work at CNN says that he would consistently leave her in the lurch during broadcasts and referred to him as "Fred fucking Hickman." On some occasions when other anchors were preparing for their on-air reports, Hickman would be nowhere to be found, causing panicked producers to look for him. Sometimes, he would just be in the cafeteria, unaware that he was causing problems.

• SportsCenter anchor John Anderson still begins his top 10 plays segment by saying "Number 10...Fred." This is an inside joke done to pay homage to Hickman's tenure. The origins of it come from when one PA wrote out the top 10 play list by giving name indications on each play. Number 10, in this case, was given to Hickman and marked "Fred" on the prompter. Hickman, in turn, read "Number 10...Fred " on air. Anderson supposedly asked producers if he should continue with his Hickman joke after he was gone. The answer was a resounding "yes."

• ESPN was apparently warned about Hickman's work ethic and odd behavior prior to hiring him from CNN staffers, but chose to do so anyway.

Now, obviously, there could be legitimate reasons for Hickman's departure that are medical related — mental, physical, otherwise — but it appears to be one of the worst kept secrets in sports media that Hickman is one of the bigger flakes in the industry. I'd be curious to see where Hickman lands his next job, given his seemingly ridiculous work reputation and high price tag. But as one ESPN personality suggested, sometimes all you need is a recognizable name and face to continue to be on television — even if you completely suck at it.

If there are any more amusing Fred Hickman anecdotes out there from people who've worked with him, feel free to share and I'll update this post with them. Or better, any insight into the real reason why Fred Hickman is no longer with ESPN, that would be helpful.

Update: Well, it seems he had a drug-addled past.

If The Dodgers Sign Manny Ramirez, A Child May Go Hungry [MLB]

Rick Chandler — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 15:15:29 EST

Frank and Jamie McCourt have a proposition for you, Dodgers fans. Instead of signing Manny Ramirez and CC Sabathia to put a competitive team on the field, wouldn't you rather have 50 brand new Little League fields? They'll even throw in some bats and a bucket or two of baseballs. Think about it, citizens of LA; it's one or the other. With the economy in the shape it's in, you can't have both. Sadly, I'm not joking about this.

Here's what Jamie McCourt, Dodgers president and wife of owner Frank McCourt, said recently:

"If you bring somebody in to play and pay them, pick a number, $30 million, does that seem a little weird to you?" Jamie McCourt asked in an interview at the Evergreen Recreation Center in East Los Angeles. "That's what we're trying to figure out. We're really trying to see it through the eyes of our fans. We're really trying to understand, would they rather have the 50 fields?"

The McCourts recently announced the formation of a charity that would build up to 50 youth athletic fields around Los Angeles, a noble gesture until one realizes that it may be an excuse not to lay out big bucks for high-priced free agents like Manny. The whole hing is not sitting well with Dodgers fans, as you may imagine.

In an LA Times online poll which asks would LA residents rather "pay a player $30 million or have the 50 fields?", paying the free agent won with a hefty 64.5 percent of more than 9,000 respondents. As well it should, said Times columnist Bill Plashke.

Reaction? Where do I start? No, No, No, No. No, $30 million is not weird, it's the price of competitive baseball.

No, fans should never be forced to choose between a charity and a championship, that's absurd, is this a baseball team or a telethon? The fans want their money to go to one field only, the one occupied by the Dodgers, anything else is unethical and even immoral. No, guaranteed contracts are not the deal of the devil, they are common baseball business.

No, fans should not have to worry that signing CC Sabathia means some poor child doesn't eat that night, that's beyond belief. Who runs this team, Charles Dickens?

The Dodgers made and then withdrew an offer to Ramirez for two years at $45 million, saying that they mighthave to pay less because of the nature of guaranteed contracts. Without the guarantee, say the Dodgers, they might be able to both build he fields and pay for free agents like Sabathia and Ramirez.

Asked about it later by Plascke, Jamie McCourt attempted to deflect the criticism.

So, philosophically, you think it's wiser to invest in charity than championships? If you really believe this, should you even be owning a baseball team?

"What? We love owning the Dodgers more than ever, that has nothing to do with it," she said. "I was just talking about how buying players for high salaries seems insensitive when you contrast it with buying these dream fields. The difference is so stark, so vivid."

Then why did you even imply otherwise?

"In these tough times, with so many people losing their jobs, isn't it fair, philosophically, to at least ask about the dollars?" she said.

Yeah, here's a question. Why did you raise parking last season from $10 to $15?

Dodgers Owners Need A Huge Reality Check [Los Angeles Times]

David Frost Wins Sexual Exploitation Trial With Class And Dignity [NHL]

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 15:00:55 EST

Most folks, after they narrowly avoid conviction on charges of sexual exploitation of minors, tend to lay low for awhile, graciously enjoying their freedom while the storm of publicity and bad feelings is given time to blow over. But not Canadian junior hockey guru David Frost. Nope. He's using his acquittal this weekend to promote the launch of his new understated website, Hockey God Online.

You see, Frost is a legend in hockey circles as a coach, agent and mentor for dozens of young, impressionable players who train at his camps, play for his teams, and offer up their teenage girlfriends to him for threeways. (Sorry, allegedly. He was found not guilty, you know.) He does, however, have a documented reputation for punching his own players in the face during games. So who else would you turn for reliable minor league hockey advice?

Here at hockeygodonline.com, we never imagined the interest we would attract this quickly and frankly have been overwhelmed with the response to the website ...

We also were flooded with emails , unfortunately there was no way to get back and answer all of your questions so quickly , so bare with us while we get through them all . I will however tell all the interested hockey parents that emailed the site for our opinion on what is the best hockey school to send your players to ? Most of you commenting that you wanted an intense camp that wasn’t just a day care . We will research this for you all and be responding shorty , I do have a few in mind both in Canada and the United States but since I’m no longer in that business I want to ask some questions to people that I trust in hockey that know of these hockey schools.

Gee, we wonder if there was some sort news event that drew people to the site? But why does everyone keep harping on the sex trial?

This for me personally is almost comical how much interest there has been and requests for interviews mostly for my self on the website. I received several interview requests most of which was after 8:30 last night and it was impossible to get to all of them obviously. By reading this site I believe its pretty self explanatory what this site is all about, couple that with the article I chose to do in the Ottawa Citizen and everything you need is right there. Others who feel that you are going to get me to talk about the case are wasting your time. This is not the platform for that, we will not be talking about the case on this hockey website. If you have something intelligent to ask feel free to email the website and if we think it is a legit question we will answer them. But hey thanks for your interest!

You bet! Actually, I do have one legit question. Is it true that you have a third ball sack and that one of the reasons you were acquitted is because the women who testified against you couldn't identify it? Oh, is true that the two former players (who were boys at the time) who were actually the subject of the complaint against you, testified on your behalf by saying that group sex was standard practice for youth hockey players, but you weren't personally involved? And did you seriously tell the sister of one of those women to go fuck herself after the verdict was read? Can all that really be true?

I just thought of another one—is it really wise for a guy accused of having sex with teenagers to have a special section on his site devoted to "Hockey Hotties" you found on MySpace?

Oh! And is it also true that the other blogger on your Hockey God website is currently in jail for hiring a hit man to have YOU murdered? He's in prison because he wanted you dead, but somehow you're still best buds?

"They (the authorities) played me up to be the bad boy of hockey; well, now I'll show them how much of a bad boy I can be," Frost said.

Ok, that's a lot of legit questions, but I think I need to take shower now. With Brillo pads.

I'm a hockey God: Dave Frost [Ottawa Citizen]
Frost trial: No law against being repugnant [Toronto Star]
Ex-coach Frost now a 'hockey god online' [Toronto Star]
Even in acquittal, Frost verdict tarnishes hockey [ESPN]
Overwhelming Response to Hockey God Web Site! 66 Countries/Territories Visited [Hockey God Online]

The French Get A Real Kick Out Of Stretcher Mishaps [Soccer]

Rick Chandler — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:30:48 EST

There's something about the game of soccer that lends itself to stretcher mishaps; lucky for us. And when it happens in France, where the medics dress as if they're expecting a hotel fire, all the more hilarious. At any rate, add the above video to my collection, which is chronicled below.

via videosift.com

"Wonderful Boyfriend" Makes Up Other Half Of Iowa Bathroom Sex Team [Lois]

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:00:14 EST

A thought occurred to me this weekend—we all know the face and identity of the the um ... "unfortunate" woman who got it on with a complete stranger in a Metrodome bathroom while her husband sat in the seats not wondering what was taking so long. (It helps that she's now given two interviews to local media about how all the press attention is ruining her life.) But as they say, it takes two to tango ... so why should she get to have all the fun and humiliation? What about the dolt who pulled a complete stranger into a men's room at a football game while his girlfriend sat in the seats dreaming about what a great guy he is.

His name his Ross Walsh and he's a super duper boyfriend from Linden, Iowa. He's also a member of the National Guard, which probably isn't as picky about its employee's bathroom behavior as his partner's bosses were. (Yeah, she got fired.) Unlike her, he's taking the "not immediately available for comment" route, which is wise when you consider that a creative DA could possibly ring him up on sexual assault charges. If this was Law & Order: SVU, Mariska Hargitay would have shot him already.

The woman—you remember, Lois Feldman?—has even begun implying that foul play have been involved. She claims she doesn't remember a thing about the incident (which is probably for the best), had never met Walsh before that fateful day, and didn't even know his name until she read it in the paper. That doesn't make what happened in that stall a crime, but I think the judgment of all parties involved has been seriously called into question.

Police described both Feldman and Walsh as upset, drunk and uncooperative.

Chuck Miner, deputy chief of the University of Minnesota police department, said officers tracked down Feldman’s husband. “I’m not sure how they made contact with her husband, but they needed her husband to help identify her” because she’d given the wrong middle name.

Miner said police didn’t measure the blood-alcohol level of Feldman or Walsh. Asked to respond to Feldman’s claim that she was too drunk to recall the incident, Miner said: “That’s probably an accurate statement.”

No one knows what happened to Walsh or his girlfriend after this, but apparently Feldman ran out of the Metrodome, then got a ride home from another complete stranger. Ok, fine. There's no way she doesn't end up looking worse here, because she's old enough to remember Rick Springfield's advice, so this kind of behavior is simply unacceptable.

Iowa Fan Ross Walsh Is Military And Stall Sex Hero, Lois Feldman Wishes She Never Met Idiot [Busted Coverage]
Woman in Metrodome sex incident says she was victim [Daily Times Herald]
Update: Hawk fan says bathroom sex scandal "ruined my life" [Des Moines Register]
KCCI Military Salutes: Ross Walsh [KCCI]

Plaxico Burress Takes The Perp Walk [Plaxico Burress]

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:45:00 EST

A loyal Deadspin reader who we will call "Ray," waited out the 17th Precinct in Midtown Manhattan today to catch one of the most time-honored traditions in sports—the athlete perp walk. Citizen journalism!

He was safely cordoned off from the armed and dangerous wide receiver, but he did manage to catch Plaxico Burress being led out of the joint in handcuffs. He had just been "processed" and was being taken to court, to enter his plea and be formally arraigned. I hope Sam Waterston gets the case.

UPDATE: Now with video! [via FanDome]

College Football Roundup: Every Game Counts...Except When They Don't and Texas Gets Messed With [College Football]

Clay Travis — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:45:00 EST

Oklahoma beat Oklahoma State late Saturday night 61-41. This score was enough to vault the Sooners ahead of Texas in the BCS Standings and, as a result, send them into the Big 12 Title Game against Missouri courtesy of the fifth tiebreak. (The sixth tiebreak was, in a nice nod to BCS totalitariianism, "Who does Kim Jong-Il think is better?") In raising Oklahoma the BCS computers managed to solve the quandary that left human pollsters uncertain: which of three tied teams deserves the opportunity to compete for a national championship? Of course this only mattered because Texas Tech stormed back to defeat Baylor before Oklahoma even kicked off. If Tech lost that game, then the Oklahoma game wouldn't even have mattered. and Texas is playing for the title. This all makes an awful lot of sense, right?

Basically, Texas got messed with. And here's why, this is a decision between Texas and Oklahoma. In our infinite wisdom we've discarded Texas Tech based on the sound defeat they suffered at the hands of Oklahoma. (Even if, like me, you think Texas Tech deserves a shot in the playoff.) That means there's only one game to consider: the neutral site 45-35 Texas win over Oklahoma. Nothing else matters. Both teams have one loss and Texas won the head-to-head game on a neutral field. If every game counts, then you have to count the only game between the two teams that your're deciding between, right? Otherwise you're proving what college football playoff proponents already know, every game is equal but some games are more equal than others. Welcome to the Orwellian world of college football championship rationales. On to the round-up.

1. Florida and Alabama proved they are the best two teams in the SEC. Which, in the wake of the SEC East's performance against the ACC, might mean nothing at all. In case you missed it Georgia Tech put up 45 on Georgia (who now owns the most disappointing 9-3 season in Bulldog history), Clemson continued their domination of Steve Spurrier and South Carolina, and Wake Forest beat Vandy (who despite reaching a bowl this year finished off their season with a Vandy-like 1-6 conclusion). What does all of this mean?

2.Oregon State's dream of making their first Rose Bowl since 1965 went crashing into Oregon. In the end all of Corvallis cried as one as Oregon hung 65 on Oregon State. Who was happiest about this aside from Oregon and USC fans? How about undefeated teams in Boise State and Utah? Who saw one of the BCS spots that would have been claimed by USC open up thanks to the USC advancing to the Rose Bowl with the win. Who else was happiest? The bastards at the Rose Bowl. Instead of an Oregon State-Penn State rematch, they get USC-Penn State. Which, to be fair, is shaping up as the second best BCS bowl game.

3. Paul Johnson's offense works in BCS conference football. Last week Johnson's team rushed for 472 yards. And no one really noticed because it was a Thursday night football game. This week they rushed for 409 yards against Georgia. While only passing for 19 yards. So it doesn't really matter if you're one-dimensional if that dimension is so dominant you don't even have to consider throwing the football. This is even more jarring when you consider that Georgia led 28-12 at the half.

4. Virginia Tech and Boston College are meeting again in the ACC Championship Game. At least the game is in Tampa. Which should be somewhat warm. The Charlotte games always looked miserable.

5. Kansas beat Missouri to salvage their season and make Baby Mangino squeal with joy. Meaning Missouri fans can join Georgia fans who are upset over the worst 9-3 season in school history. Of course, unlike Georgia, Missouri can erase everything with an upset win over Oklahoma this week. Regardless, somewhere John Brown is smiling. Even though he's mouldering in the grave.

6. Miss. State's offense put up 33 yards against Ole Miss. That was on 56 plays. Futility this epic deserves to be noted. It's why no one was crying in Starkville when Sylvester Croom resigned. Don't you have to be fired if you're Croom and make the school buy out your contract? You don't see Charlie Weis resigning, do you?

Back to Oklahoma-Texas and the BCS mess, I got a lot of emails after saying that 99.9% of college football fans want a playoff. Many were from college football fans who said they didn't favor a playoff. I don't think these fans are fools, I just think they've made a Faustian bargain with their own souls. Like the girls who claim they're still virgins but have anal sex. Basically, if you're a college football fan who favors a playoff you're the 16 year old girl getting banged in the ass to protect the sanctity of your hymen. Congrats on that. Y'all have to live with results like this. And if Florida beats Alabama this weekend? Are we just going to decree by fiat that Florida and Oklahoma are the two best teams in the country? Even though Texas and USC and Utah and Boise State and Penn State all have pretty good claims that they deserve a shot too? You betcha. (Odds that the Palin daughters contemplate the anal sex virginity protection gambit? High, very high...except the eldest.) Something's rotten with any athletic event that requires this much logical inconsistency and debate, really fucking rotten.

Which professional sports team has the strongest ...

Rick Chandler — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:30:41 EST

Which professional sports team has the strongest marketing brand loyalty in its own area? It's not the Steelers, who fell from No. 1 to No. 3 this year. Our winner is ... [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

Michael Phelps Doesn't Need Your $5,000,000 [Michael Phelps]

Dashiell Bennett — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:15:26 EST

We still have no conclusive evidence that explains the Michael Phelps Phenomenon—after all, he is just a swimmer—but perhaps our esteemed colleague Señor Tuffy Pants, M.D., does need to reconsider his conclusion that Aqua Boy is not "exceptionally rich." The guy turns down more multi-million endorsement deals before breakfast (a hearty Kellogg's breakfast, btw) than most athletes will see in their lifetime.

Thank you to 60 Minutes and Anderson Cooper for giving us another reason to hate our short stubby feet and fear of chlorine. (And people who are more talented/work harder than us.) Did we mention the guy is a freakin' swimmer?

Lane Kiffin Hiring: A Volunteer Fan's Perspective [College Football]

Clay Travis — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 13:00:04 EST

In a move that proves he has gigantic balls of steel, UT athletic director Mike Hamilton has replaced a national championship winning coach with an all-time record of 152-52 who graduated from and played for his university with a 33 year old who went 5-15 in 1.25 seasons as the coach of the Oakland Raiders. Wow. Yep, the SEC has gone mercenary and Kiffin is now the third consecutive outside conference hire to come directly from the NFL. Hamilton and the Vols hope Kiffin and company can turn UT into USC-East (not South Carolina...hopefully). But can they, and is he the best guy for the job? The only thing I'm sure about is that that this hire will be either an epic success or an epic failure, there won't be a middle ground.

Begin with the obvious, no one knows if Lane Kiffin is going to be a good head coach in college. Because he's never been one. Anywhere. And we already know that NFL success doesn't necessarily translate to college. (See Callahan, Bill and Groh, Al). At least those guys went to the NFL playoffs, Kiffin didn't even win double-digit games. Even still, somehow Lane Kiffin's name has gotten sexy. Everybody wants him to be their college coach. I never really understand how this happens. There's always something vaguely Hollywoodian about it. You know how someone suddenly emerges in Hollywood that everyone is convinced is a genius? Only you're never sure how you can go from being an unknown commodity to a genius so quickly. Same with Lane Kiffin. Prior to being hired by the batshit crazy Al Davis, Kiffin was a promising, yet relatively unknown, coaching commodity. Two seasons later, after winning five games in the NFL and being fired before he completes his second season, he's ready to take over one of the biggest programs in college football. Really?

My problem with Kiffin's ascension is that you're using Al Davis's initial hire of Kiffin as the justification for hiring him as a head coach. Only you're not handicapping Kiffin for being fired, not having success with the Raiders, or the fact that lots of bright football minds would never have taken the Raiders job to begin with. Put plainly there's no way that Kiffin gets hired at Tennessee if he's still USC's offensive coordinator. So, effectively, the batshit crazy Al Davis made Lane Kiffin a potential hire for Tennessee by naming him head coach of the Raiders. Is no other Vol fan troubled by this?

Now, on the positive side, Kiffin seems to have made it clear that he can assemble a really talented coaching staff. Already word has broken that Monte Kiffin—current Tampa Bay Bucs defensive coordinator—will be joining his son to take over Tennessee's defense. Kiffin is currently the highest paid assistant in the NFL and made more money last year than the entire assistant coaching staff at Tennessee combined. Word is filtering down that Ed Orgeron, former Ole Miss head coach and top recruiter at USC, may be coming soon as well. That would mean at least two former head coaches would be on Kiffin's staff.

But, even still, there's never been any issue with the Tennessee defense under John Chavis. This year Tennessee had an SEC championship caliber defense and a high-school playoff aspiring offense. Part of the problem with Dave Clawson's new offense was that it was too complicated for the UT players to grasp in their first season. Am I alone in thinking that Monte Kiffin's defensive scheme will be similarly complicated? Can he install his defense while dealing with the restriction in practice hours and youth of a college team? I really have no idea but the offense's struggles this year don't make me very optimistic that a new defense will be grasped quickly.

Despite all this, the first new hire of my coaching life is pretty exciting. As was the search. Even if, along the way, I gave my heart to Mike Leach. I can't wait for the press conference introducing Kiffin. And I'm already prepared to begin the trash talk. Which is why I'm very confident in this statement: Our coach's wife is hotter than your coach's wife.

PHOTO: SFgate.com/Chronicle/Michael Macor

Word of the day — "Plaxident": "An ...

DAULERIO — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:45:40 EST

Word of the day — "Plaxident": "An act of stupidity that costs you $35 million." [23/6]

Know Your New Tennessee Football Coaches [College Football]

Rick Chandler — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:30:39 EST

Lane Kiffin moves all of his crap into the head football coach's office at Tennessee today, only the third time someone has done that in the past 31 years. Phil Fulmer said goodbye on Saturday and Kiffin will be announced as his successor today, most likely what he's had in mind since the last Sunday in Sept., when he called for that 76-yard field goal against the Chargers. Attempt comically doomed field goal; get self fired by elderly, cantankerous owner; field college coaching offers; profit. One thing he probably didn't think through, however:

Now you're coaching in the SEC. Think Al Davis and Norv Turner were formidable foes? As Ray Ratto said in the San Francisco Chronicle on Friday: The company around him is world-class fast — Nick Saban at Alabama, Urban Meyer at Florida, Mark Richt at Georgia, even Houston Nutt at Mississippi — and what he has proven as a head coach is mostly that he could irritate the boss.

The 33-year-old Kiffin is taking over a program that hasn't won an SEC title in 10 years, in a state that takes college football a bit more seriously than breathing oxygen. So we'll really see what he can do as a head coach, and more importantly, as a recruiter. The Vols had the No. 6 recruiting class in the nation, according to Rivals.com. After several players decommitted, the ranking dropped to 17th.

His background suggests Kiffin will be able to secure many of the remaining recruits, as well as bring in other top-notch players in the coming years. He spent six years under head coach Pete Carroll at USC. He helped lead the Trojans to back-to-back national championship games and had a hand in signing Heisman Trophy winners Matt Leinart and Reggie Bush.

UT Taps Kiffin To Lead Vols Football [The Tennessean]
Kiffin May Be In Over His Head At Tennessee [San Francisco Chronicle]

SHOTY First Round: Brett Favre Vs. Baby Mangino [2008 Shoty]

Will Leitch — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:15:38 EST

All righty, kids, holidays are over, you have the next month of craziness to streak through — I never notice December has started until it's over — and it all begins now. Time to get serious, people. And nothing's more serious than SHOTY voting.

Voting will remain open until the end of the first round ... and since everyone's back at work today, let's hit a solid matchup. It's No. 6 seed Brett Favre vs. No. 11 Baby Mangino. A look at the nominees' 2008 resumes:

No. 6 Brett Favre
Cost Packers the Super Bowl.
Retired.
Didn't.
Stalked by Rachel Nichols.
Traded to Jets.
Turned out pretty good, actually.

No. 11 Baby Mangino

Existed.

So, who wins?